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Post by shadow on Nov 1, 2013 11:51:39 GMT
The "experts" have thrown a missile into camp chaos, and then fled and stood back to watch it cause massive instability in camp chaos - leaving POW to manage the fall out
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Post by aprilshowers on Nov 2, 2013 8:33:01 GMT
can camp chaos throw missile back to experts...maybe we can hi-jack SP shed and invent something along the lines of the Monty Python films of equipment. Experts...my eye don't make me laugh.....bl**dy useless people.
If camp T can get through the eye rolling and huffing and puffing that normally accompanies the eye rolling, the operation Christmas cards could be good fun and a great bonding exp.
Calendar camp has the plague...funny that the ARF agents never get the plague, so en's are coughing and spluttering and generally feeling carp whilst the agents do what they do best......whatever they want when they want with no regard for the plague ridden en's only the fact that the white mess ration holder is empty....well emptier than normal.
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Post by shadow on Nov 2, 2013 9:10:54 GMT
the wise and wonderful have followed up the success of the first missile with an incendiary device addressed to agent through the Royal Mail - just in case things were calming down in camp - including a little lecture on "rudeness" is not appropriate no matter how stressed you are
tissues, alcohol and nightnurse being sent to the calendar camp
hope camp T manages christmas mission and sticky glitter
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Post by oysterbabe on Nov 2, 2013 9:26:17 GMT
Seafood dvn severely depleted this holiday week as agent Whelk is away. En2 paid expeditions have stepped up due to severe weather at beginning of week and has worked like a navvy ever since. En1 has tooth problems that resulted in emergency visit to tooth puller on Tuesday and was prescribed antibiotics. Have kept the emporium sales tills ringing with trips for pain relief (only two packs at a time madam) as it still hurts 8 days on.
At height of pain en1 took arf agents on trip out go karting. Arf agents ensured staff were on code red for an hour releasing agent cockle from under tyre barriers several times. The smile on his face made up for the erratic driving.
En1 then attended MASH for appt supported by cavalry auntie where 20 years was knocked off my age (aching gob made hysterics impossible) and cavalry auntie who is younger was asked twice how much older she was than en1. Cavalry auntie not amused. En1 pointed out if I was indeed in my twenties that made her also in twenties, she was sufficiently soothed by this thinking.
En1 ended week attending a NHS event where discussions and views were sought regarding mental health services in locality. As Seafood dvn have first hand experience of these ahem services, I gave my two penneth on how improvements can be made. En1 and other carers invited to join new service in county bringing other services (mash, scum and scue) to account. Dream job.
Agent whelk returns to camp sometime this morning in readiness for seafood outing this pm to village hall where he can run around and slide on knees with younger non agents. Will find vol au vents in his bunker tomorrow no doubt.
Over and out.
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Post by barge on Nov 2, 2013 15:12:31 GMT
Camp Float here, deciding to take the plunge into ARF world. Agents busy today on Operation "Clear Up/Clear out" Much effort exerted in trying to look busy, but turning rapidly into Operation "finding lost treasure" and causing more not less chaos.
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Post by peartree on Nov 2, 2013 17:26:22 GMT
Such a lot to read and respond to But right now I have summonsed the royal digger Yes ARF Partridge is about to face firing squad En1 an en2 lied to Arf agent in the deep doo dos
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Post by shadow on Nov 2, 2013 17:45:06 GMT
sorry to hear our leader is again facing high level ARF antics
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Post by damson on Nov 2, 2013 19:09:43 GMT
Camp Preserve in communication with mission update on Operation Half Term. Arf Agent 1 escorted with non agent code hysterical teenage friend on a camoflague, battledress changes and digital optical recording manouever. Much happiness, many lens friendly expressions and major spondoolies released. Operation Christmas already severely compromised - 2 additional digital files procured due to weakness of commanding officer. Recommend officer stand down for a period of rest and recuperation. There is no place for self recrimination in the modern Army. Arf Agent 2 feigning indifference, but keen to take part in a digital recording mission, possibly minus facial camoflague. Arf Agent 2 assisting in preparation of evening rations to extend period of evening leave outdoors with non arf agents in the wind and darkness. EN2 has not requested further information, only set time of return to base.
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Post by oysterbabe on Nov 4, 2013 15:41:27 GMT
Seafood dvn are due to hang out the bunting and put the kettle on for regimental tea drinking celebration. En1 met with assorted ahem services and despite grave faces and much blustering, they gave in to my diva demands. I threw in some new phrases I'd been practising and looked straight into their eyes.
Agent Whelks desire to achieve Einstein status in Maths has disappeared somewhere in the hols. If any other camps find it could it be dispatched PDQ to Seafood dvn. Reward paid. Plus I will throw in a sticker too.
over and out
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Post by janpan on Nov 4, 2013 20:16:53 GMT
Camp Kimono back in action after re-deployment for half term. Boot camp returns for Agents and EN1 alike. Pre-camp preparation and homework duties return with some humour, but receipt of HPV antidote by female Agent Bee has the camp in full spin and general level of panic.
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Post by janpan on Nov 5, 2013 19:27:21 GMT
Kamp Kimono has some sub-agent casualties today - 3 stick insects found dead despite utter denials from Agent Bee at point blank range. Heavy interrogation sees deflection of responsibilitiy to all other Agents as well as EN1 and EN2. Of course.
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Post by peartree on Nov 5, 2013 20:55:49 GMT
Evening all comrades Operation back off ens declared success by Arf partridge who continues in his aloof vein despite being rumbled for great big WHOPPA telling at the weekend, somehow made all en1s fault. Decided to call this manoeuvre BOOMERANG as ens attempt to address the rather poor choices of agent thwacks back and smacks her in the kisser Arf blossom, has had a code of happy days and done well overall this week and to ens astonishment has been able to interact appropriately all week. Secretly, en1 has being constructing a magnificent quilt of lovely textural interest for young autistic agent and thoroughly enjoying her self. I have been remiss in warmly embracing all new camps afloat and camp preserve. Like the names as suggest names of 'barely' afloat and 'saints' preserve us as good supplementary elements Starting to think on the POTATO jaunt and what spiel to give. Operation book the shopping slot for the festive season is complete and en1 is willing the orchard money tree into life before the season empties all our spondoolies Any fertilizer/ growing tips for encouraging notage upon the sacred boughs most welcome. Much love to all camps.
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Post by damson on Nov 6, 2013 15:39:42 GMT
Camp Preserve on College visiting operation tonight with Arf Agent 1, who has set sights on BTEC Sports Development and Fitness. Agent is hugely enthused as has suddenly understood she has a money earning future. EN1 expects to hear much guff about prospects tonight, fears agent may become pool attendant earning below cost of living spondoolies. Arf Agent 2 has been on rugby field operations, returned home with mud camoflague and a flesh wound, 2 wheeled battle vehicle has code 'flattie'. Very jolly tho', as has scored 2 tries and no doubt some injuries to other non-agents. He will be Sergeant in the mess tent tonight, in charge of fast fish and oven chip rations for EN2 + 2, while EN1 forages with Agent 1 for fast food in college. This will be a 'living off the land' exercise for teenage sports agent. College understands teenage agents, and will no doubt have prepared rations of great fatty magnificence in their catering mess tent training division. Predict Commander EN1 will struggle to march after rations.
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Post by leo on Nov 6, 2013 21:24:05 GMT
Camp Met Office sending request for supplies of thigh length waders; welly boots no longer sufficiently able to cope with the frequency and depth of the localised flooding (although EN did have a slight chuckle when it was discoverd SW had inadvertantly waded through flooded area - immediately adjacent to the latrines - without heeding advice on the wearing of Personal Protective Equipment!)
Hurricane season still in full swing and EN is unable to batten down the hatches as they have been ripped off and flung aside by the force of the storms. The camp appears to be in an area of high pressure that is causing freak weather systems. The local Tsunami action appears to have become confused and is instead currently pretending to be a small feline - complete with purring, nuzzling and wrapping around legs as EN tries to walk anywhere. (EN is also confused by this!)
Emotional state of camp not helped by nearby non ARF camp taking military preparation to the extreme and proudly displaying man-made white 'evergreen' of upcoming festive season in front window. EN considering a joint operation with young ARFers -surely between a hurricane and a kitten we can inflict some damage on said white evergreen and revert to status of 'festive season is months away'?
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Post by damson on Nov 7, 2013 6:58:47 GMT
Hooray!!!!
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Post by oysterbabe on Nov 7, 2013 7:42:04 GMT
Suggest all ENs join exercise " remove festive what nots " on sight to bring down the stress levels of camps under attack.
Agent Cockle was air dropped into Seafood dvn last evening for rations and cuppas and it was like he'd never been away! We have a sort of Groundhog agent in arf Cockle so its the same questions, the same behaviours, the same "I want" attitude and heavens I'd missed all that! Big hugs for all Dvn when he left and plans for Saturday made.
En1 code ecstatic and didn't even need chocolate rations after tea. Hoorah.
Sounding trumpet salutes for camp T great news!!
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Post by peartree on Nov 7, 2013 19:30:37 GMT
Many congratulations for camp tokoloshe and delighted that permanent residing family can continue to reside, unabated Arf agent blossom had been doing her high level agenting The fit camp bootcamp determined it unnecessary to inform ens or agents unit that for the last week following some digging at agent agent has flicked the Vs (universally understood agent communication signal) and sat in the cafe having code NICE CUPPA TEA while other students huff and puff about doing the PT. This is funded by the ss grants apparently The last couple of days agent has decided that she'd rather slink off altogether and cleared off turning up at unit En relatively pleased as agent blossom is at least safe in unit. But turns out there are few hours unaccounted for.... So comrades From the heights of blue skied expanse, lush green grass, fresh spring flowers and a gentle warm breeze hopeful plateau We slide dramatically along the bumpy rocks to the trenches of arf warfare in the gloomy grey misery of drizzle and brace positions *sigh* However, Chins en side are raised a little as arf partridge is much more settled and instead of random accusations of being abusive mother, some of which remain deeply troubling He's has been kind Helpful And Just pleasant Arf agent partridge has said 'I've got to admit it mum, I do REALLY enjoy chatting to you, I like it when things are, ya know, when I've been honest' So something appears to have to have stuck in the brain cells Not convinced that I'm any closer to holy grail 'de-arfing the arf' but we continue to do battle
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Post by shadow on Nov 7, 2013 19:56:06 GMT
orchard en 1 must feel on a perpetual rollercoaster - congratulations to seafood camps and tokoloshe camps
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Post by shadow on Nov 7, 2013 20:11:15 GMT
correction - communication malfunction - orchard camp ENs are doing the ARF bungee jump
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Post by shadow on Nov 8, 2013 9:10:46 GMT
hope the orchard has a more peaceful day - and both agents relax the heavy fire
as a lone agent in camp chaos outpost, agent chaos has to manage the constant fire unaided - and does so with great gusto
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Post by damson on Nov 8, 2013 18:47:47 GMT
Sad day in Camp Preserve. Arf Agent 1 had first GCSE Maths exam and despite special measures, felt the heat and all channels jammed. Now agent thinks entire future in jeopardy. In vain EN2 has told her that there are other Maths operations later in the year to obtain essential C grade for Sports and Exercise paradise course.
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Post by shadow on Nov 8, 2013 19:16:31 GMT
hugs sent to the preserve camp
outside camp chaos is freezing- inside is also
agent chaos ensures all windows are tightly shut all summer - now winter is here - POW spends her life looking for the source of frosty blasts throughout camp
old chaosmobile has finally been retired - newer chaosmobile purchased with help from beloved granddad - proudly driven to local rations tent (AKA Morrisons ) on day of purchase - only for some £$&^*%@? to dent chaosmobile and estimate is nearly £500 of damage ................
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Post by janpan on Nov 10, 2013 7:47:46 GMT
Impressive work Agent Shrimp! All quiet on the Camp Kimono front in short term as EN1 in under cover actions pretending to be asleep. Calm will be short lived however as reveille rings at 8 and sporting events take over. Camp mascot currently downstairs and whining just to whip up pre breakfast anxieties. EN1 about to break ranks and descent to tend to needs. Agents will follow.
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Post by damson on Nov 10, 2013 22:54:42 GMT
While EN1 was on College operations with Arf Agent 1, Arf Agent 2 took charge of evening ration preparation. EN2 was out acquiring materials to deal with Agent2's 2 wheeled battle vehicle flattie. Leaving Sergeant Arf to prepare fast fish and oven chips in a new and challenging assault course of an evening. Kitchen Commander EN1 had cooked Christmas solid rations 'Cake' the night before, and butter had leaked out of the tin onto the high tech catch-all-debris sheet. Exhausted EN1 had left the slick till morning to clear up, and then forgotten... Arf Sergeant set oven to 220 deg C, and went away to do arfish things elsewhere. Smoke and fire sensing device cut in, oven belched great clouds of black buttery smoke and Agent coped single handed. Hooray!!! (Commander EN1 has recurrent nightmare of driving up the road to base, only to discover it a smoking ruin.) Evening rations were delayed by 5 mins, oven was clean, and Arf Agent congratulated for valour.
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Post by damson on Nov 14, 2013 19:50:34 GMT
Citizenship GCSE is providing entertainment and moral instruction ground at Camp Preserve. Arf Sergeant attempting a speed record for essay on 'Prison does not work for young offenders' - discuss. Much growling and hissing when EN2 commanded research on recidivism to be done. EN1 rather uneasy that what is being revealed is that the justice system has few sanctions that work for young offenders. EN2 ploughing briskly ahead instructing essay technique. Sergeant has concluded prison is full of low lifes and probably a fierce and nasty place for Arf Agents.
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Post by janpan on Nov 14, 2013 23:29:32 GMT
Apologies for being AWOL but EN1 completely contained at boot camp on full time basis (including night watch duty today). Wishing all camps fond and warm times in the winds and rain.
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Post by happyone on Nov 15, 2013 1:13:25 GMT
Can we have some rules please xx I'd love to join in
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Post by peartree on Nov 15, 2013 10:21:47 GMT
Good morning friends comrades and lumbered ones It's morning in the orchard The air is filled with the sounds of hoovering and harrumphing as arf partridge completes code 'penance for porkies' Yes you guessed it - arf partridge has once again been lying and getting caught and bring cross about it. Not really entering into the 'I feel dreadful mum, I'm so sorry, what can I do to make it up to you' feel and no grovelling has been seen More 'I'm angry and I hate you' attitude but en1 suspects really the HATE is secretly about himself Arf blossy has had a much more settled week She has smoke signalled ens daily She's been lovingly looking after new ALPACA She's requested a special reign to walk him aBout .... No worries there then.. !! Little miss pip has entered bootcamp strangely attired with no SCHOOLIFORM in sight This is due to being children in need day Much dreaded in years past as agents don't cope with tales of bad things happening to children... But this yr the biggest stress was finding the pudsey ears... En1 is on shore leave En1 is catching train by self in chariot Thankfully meeting her royal highness to assist at other end
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Post by gilreth on Nov 15, 2013 12:23:54 GMT
A new camp reporting for sporadic duty - so far nameless.
EN1 is struggling with ongoing headache thanks to unexplained blood pressure spike which of course means Agent Sqk is finding every single noisy toy he owns and having them all on at once or was. EN1 decided to resort to that device known as Fireman Sam. Now agent sits calmly so EN1 can go see about that feeding thing. EN2 is of course out earning spondoolies so Agent Sqk can have a good time on that operation Christmas.
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Post by leo on Nov 15, 2013 21:54:47 GMT
Met Office reporting in - after delays caused by continuing ARF night action (sadly not involving proposed joint project of 'remove all festive decorations from the neighbouring non arf camps'!)
I am thinking of starting a list of suitable arf alternatives for the festive line 'Tis the season to be jolly'. Thoughts so far include: Tis the season to be ... silly manic destructive violent
Tis not our best season! Our basecamp would be a much calmer place if the calendar only ran from January to September.
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