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Post by queenie on Nov 16, 2013 20:43:30 GMT
Can report that shore leave was most enjoyable........
Can report that our beloved leader is not to be trusted in a lift with a nice young rastafarian...
over and out
Queenie
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Post by happyone on Nov 16, 2013 23:11:29 GMT
Hello from camp happy "just need to go print the rules now"
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Post by peartree on Nov 17, 2013 11:25:27 GMT
En1 pear tree and HRH + night on the tiles in Birmingham with other parents of adopted teens= lots of fun HRH may be correct that long nice looking Rasta blokes may have been mildly groped by wheelchair riding mum of 3.... What she fails to mention is possibly due to our reputations we were ESCORTED in the lift Not 1, no comrades but 2 fit young men (one named KEVIN) crammed into the lift and squished the royal personage and gave en1 the eye full of the 'triumph Doreen' Suffice to mention that any itching of the royal lady in the the conference was nothing to do with the fact we slept together the night before
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Post by peartree on Nov 17, 2013 11:38:18 GMT
We three kids from pear tree lair Can't give a stuff My teen adoptee pair It's fantastic Push me pull you elastic Leave families to despair
Oooooh SCUM of wonder Where are you? When the fan meets adoption poo? THank God for granny Grandpy and aunty Hugs chocolate and tea too
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Post by bagpuss72 on Nov 17, 2013 14:24:51 GMT
Good afternoon from another new division, camp Retro, permission to step aboard requested.
Agent Bert has been set a special mission by Boot camp sergeant of local education facility to build a bomb, tank, submarine, gasmask plus case, fighter plane or such like to commemorate previous historic campaign i.e World War 2.
Agent Bert’s orders clearly state date of despatch to education authority is 900 hours 18.11.13. Said Agent is claiming classified orders revoking original instructions. EN 2 is currently on special manouvers contributing to depleted Christmas coffers, but has surrendered a half constructed model of a tank which Agent Bert has liberated and finally painted green together with Furry Agent, floor, wall and and EN1.
Agent Bert has revealed his desire to be a code breaker at Bletchley, he feels his skills are better suited to new fangled technology AKA the X Box 360, now trialling Minecraft. EN1 now relegated to WFP Bench after having a RSM after reasonable request to agent to carry out recent orders from education facility re numeracy and spelling homework was refused. Agent has given EN1 a foxtrot Oscar order, so I have retreated to supplies tent for chocolate biscuit and calm down.
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Post by oysterbabe on Nov 17, 2013 16:29:26 GMT
Salutations to all camps old and new!
Glossing over what happened with our beloved leader and HRH when let loose together. Some decorum please!lol
Agent Cockle visited camp on Saturday stating he "hadn't had lunch". En1 knows his camp provide "full English" brekkie rations on Saturday. Probably to soak up staff hangovers. I offered carrot cake or banana. He scoffed both. Agent is 6ft and will reach camp ceilings by festive season at this rate. en1 took Agent Cockle to supply tent with CDs. Purchased one from hit parade by Canadian female warbler! Jolly brill it is too, neighbours may not appreciate En1's interpretation so much. Whilst I was out my new settees of desire arrived. 30 mins early! Why send smoke signal saying between 1400 and 1700 hrs when they arrive at 1330? Luckily en2 had been told to keep ear out for lorry arrival. Canine of camp sniffed and sniffed new items but decided they didn't smell of cats, rats or food so wasn't much bothered. Ejector buttons caused much merriment to all in camp and will use on scum or numptie division ASAP.
Over and out.
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Post by peartree on Nov 17, 2013 16:49:32 GMT
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Post by queenie on Nov 17, 2013 22:25:36 GMT
Oh yes the cosy lift!! ARF Agent Twirly had to prove her ARF status with several minor ARFdom moments in my absence. In 30 minutes home alone she @( who is nervous of any cooking) decides to make pancakes ( note to self look up at kitchen ceiling to check for left overs), butchered a special cake made by her sister , dug through a pile of clean laundry like a dog after a bone and festooned the Pit of Doom with an assortment of clean and dirty clothes ( mixed) and used a load of expensive hair stuff, hidden from her view. And left most of hair stuff on shower floor which nearly had the Royal Bottom on the floor. Time for the Royal Form to head to the Royal Bedchamber to dream sweetly of adventures with our beloved leader....... over and out Queenie
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Post by peartree on Nov 17, 2013 23:16:09 GMT
Silent night Suspicious night All is calm Turn on the light
What's that rattling Banging about In comes agent With a pout I can't find keys For my c-ar Why are they in your bra?
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Post by leo on Nov 17, 2013 23:29:40 GMT
Fellow ENs, fellow ENs, On our winding path, Got to keep on plodding onwards, With our precious ARF
Been a long road,fellow ENs, Through the stress and strife, Don't give up now, Fellow ENs, The cavalry's in sight
Keep posting here tonight It's safe and calm, safe and calm, For here there's no ARF in sight It's safe and calm, safe and calm
Fellow ENs, fellow ENs, Another heavy day, Fellow ENs, fellow ENs, Don't lose your way
Fellow ENs, fellow ENs, On our bumpy track, There are wise ones, who've survived it, And now don't look back
Keep posting here tonight, It's safe and calm, safe and calm, For here there's no ARF in sight, It's safe and calm, safe and calm
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Post by peartree on Nov 18, 2013 8:42:01 GMT
Is gilreth happy to be known as NEST camp for agent squawk ?
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Post by peartree on Nov 18, 2013 8:44:24 GMT
Note to camp T 'Serious talk to teen' is turbulent water indeed Traverse with extreme care as en1 has found you get sucked into all sorts of whirlpools of ROUND IN CIRCLES and end up marooned as the teen in question flounces off....
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Post by peartree on Nov 18, 2013 8:54:15 GMT
Ok fellow campers Serious question
Yesterday arf agent partridge attempted to don his much loved wolf suit to large moving picture zone This item is arf agents most loved of all clothing However comrades Evil mean nasty ens firmly on the WFP bench as said wolf suit is Grimey unwashed and very stinky And en2 refused to have agent in said wolf attire in his battle tank as Quote 'I will be overcome with fumes and when the police arrive to see me passed out they too will be over come and we'll be sealed off as a bio hazard'
Sulkily agent changed into slightly whiffy t shirt from laundry bin as can't walk the 5 steps to strAnge wooden item enclosing CLEAN FRESH garments
So Arf agent has gone to further bootcamp today He's staying with latest squeeze And it's dawned on en That STINKY WOLF SUIT may be on its way to college then to the new forest later on
So comrades Do I send search party for said wolf suit In the bunker where clothes come to die? Do I notify authorities that bio hazard is about to enter site of natural beauty?
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Post by queenie on Nov 18, 2013 16:20:49 GMT
On an unwise and unscheduled trip to the Pit of Doom the PJs that had been worn to Boot Camp all day Friday and were suitably yeuk were extracted from the bed of doom. After 3 nights of being slept in they walked to the washing machine unaided.
over and out
Queenie
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Post by damson on Nov 18, 2013 18:19:39 GMT
Release the wolf suit into the wild, it will have a wonderful time in the New Forest till the pro-hunting camp find its spoor.
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Post by shadow on Nov 19, 2013 9:20:48 GMT
agent chaos is "up to something" what the "something" is is yet unknown but POW is adopting brace position as all the signs are there that the "something" will be of agents usual high standard
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Post by oysterbabe on Nov 19, 2013 9:40:44 GMT
Seafood division admin section spent all day yesterday brainstorming amendments to agent Cockles boot camp statement in readiness for high level pow wow next Monday. Same admin person aka en1 will spend all day today typing up said brainstorm notes and save as document in readiness for printing out next Monday! Can't wait to see assorted boot camp and local authority, scum and boot camp workers faces as I pass around my parents views! I may take a picture of the shocked faces!
settees of desire are a big hit with all division. En2 now snores head off a lot earlier in evening due to comfiness. Agent whelk can be found lolling on them when we are out of the room and canine sleeps on them too rather than in en's bunker. En2 retreating to bunker at 2100hrs due to Jungle exploits and hating so called celebrities!
B.E.M. Sounded loudly last evening. Taking at look at Agent Whelks bootcamp behaviour scores electronically (hadn't done it for November oops) I saw a weekly "English homework not completed on time". Puzzled at this I gently probed teenage agent who denied all. I asked if boot camp teacher was a nitwit scoring wrongly or was bullying agent by making up lies? I said I would send smoke signal to find out as soon as agent had left for bootcamp. Agent finally declared he was in the doo doo. English homework handed in late due to only having 8 days to complete it! En1 firmly suggested I scribe for him on day 1 of receiving homework forthwith. Agent not thrilled by prospect but "caught over barrel" and unable to argue. Hurrah!
over and out.
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Post by lilka on Nov 19, 2013 15:32:57 GMT
May I join in? Please tell me if I do something wrong My kids have bird themed nicknames on my blog, so I'll keep them the same here unless someone else's kids have the same NN's in which case I'll think of somthing else DD1 = Rhea, DD2 = Kestrel, DS = Parrot, DGD1 = Robin, DGD2 = Warbler. Also featuring various siblings we keep in contact with, I'll think up names as I go along, and Kestrel's BM, or mum of origin. BM = Best Mum/Beloved Mum/Better Mum - much better than me, the AM (awful mum) according to Agent Kestrel! Agent Kestrel has been engaging in Operation Triangulation this week. EN is responding with Operation "Disinterested Acceptance"/smile and say 'okay, that's nice Kestrel'. Agent seems surprised that EN is acting like this, and Agent will remain surprised at how long EN is going to hold out. Example - EN politely asked Agent Kestrel to turn the Radio volume down. Agent Kestrel had a tantrum. EN removed radio from Agent in order to let Agent Parrot sleep. Agent Kestrel therefore went onto That Social Networking Site Which Shall Not Be Named, and complained to Best Mum that Awful Mum had stolen her radio from her for NO REASON at all. Like, NO REASON. Maybe I hate her music and don't want her to have fun. BM really sympathises with Agent and validated Agent Kestrel's deep hurt at being basically abused by evil AM. Agent Kestrel smugly informs EN that Beloved Mum is angry that EN is so mean to her and BM thinks she should definitely get her radio back. EN launched Operation Disinterested Acceptance and told Agent how nice it was that she and BM are once again on speaking terms. Agent responded with new tantrum Agent Parrot is proving himself codewords "responsible" and "mature" as he does so much for the Furry Desert Rat Agents of the Camp. Furry Agent Anakin sadly passed away a few weeks ago, and whilst Agent Parrot was extremely upset, his grief has been appropriate and he is coming to terms with the loss of Agent Anakin. He is now being ultra responsible for Furry Agents Obi-Wan and Chewbacca (yep, the ARF Agents chose Star Wars as their naming inspiration for the Desert Rat Agents. EN approves!!) and changing their supplies without being asked. EN is very proud of her youngest Agent Meanwhile in Adult Agent Rhea's camp, Non-ARF Agent Warbler has developed Colic which is very stressful for the Camp, but Agent is holding up well with great help from the husband division. EN is coninuing "Operation Babysit" to help out, and Agent Rhea appreciates cavalry grandparent support. Agent Kestrel is not impressed with Operation Babysit. Agent Kestrel thinks that Baby Agents are code "no fun" when they have Colic, and therefore should be popped in a crib and forgotten about until they start being smiley and fun again EN is deeply saddened by the knowledge that Agent Kestrel has so little understanding or ability to care for babies, especially since Agent Kestrel sometimes expresses how much she wants her own Baby Agent. EN is very worried about this
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Post by lilka on Nov 19, 2013 16:44:11 GMT
I think TSNSWSNBN (That Social Networking Site Which Shall Not Be Named) should become official ARF jargon perhaps shortened to TSNS Perhaps add agent names to signature? ENs have problems with short term memory. And long term memory. And often, thinking in general... This EN definitely has a serious seive brain Changed it now, I like this siggy better Which reminds me (siggy sounds like ciggy!), as of this month, Agent Rhea is now over 1 year since her last cigarette! EN is codephrase "exceedingly proud" especially since Agent Rhea says she smoked her very first cigarette when she was 10, in her last FC camp, when a "friend" told her to try one. Agent started smoking regularly a few years later. EN spent years feeling like the most useless parent EVER because no one else's 13 year old smoked and EN couldn't stop her Agent. But, in the modified words of the Eurythmics, "Agents are doin it for themselves"! and Agent Rhea "kicked her addictions ass". Woo!!
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Post by peartree on Nov 19, 2013 19:41:05 GMT
Big flag waving in welcome to new camp And lovely birdy agents En1 pear tree is pleased En2 has been to bootcamp for little miss pip and discovered that she is in fact AVERAGE En cannot tell you how delighted we are Non arf pip, honestly, living with the arf brother and arf sister (when little) was a code extreme time and then there's the wobbly moments when en has had to have admissions to MASH it does make one worry pip despite bc beginning might struggle But no! She's AVERAGE Then we've had time with agent blossoms powwow She's doing much much steadier and there's plans to help madam manage the tag coming off in a couple of weeks New techno version of ball and chain has really tapped into agents autistic radar and this is keeping her largely on straight and narrow The bootcamp haven't quite understood agent How desperately she has struggled and how utterly marvellous things are by contrast at the moment She's not coping with everything But Is not a) exploding B) running and hiding C) breaking/entering/keeping dodgy company So massive improvement But sat enjoying a cuppa tea to regulate self on campus is being a regulated together agent blossom Afraid my agent blossom still is having a ciggy 5 times a day but it's better than 40plus when she left that dire experiment of SCUM towers of 'high level FC' Arf agent has surrendered wolf suit to the washing machine So the countryside is safe. Apparently main reason is gf's family canine took more than a sniffy interest in wolf suit leg
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Post by queenie on Nov 19, 2013 20:47:04 GMT
The Royal Personage is code word knackered. Todays MASH visit became very interesting when Agent Twirly's body decided it really didn't like the medication that was being pumped in. Beetroot, boiling hot and massively itchy and nearly voiceless agent ............ what a mess! All plans for MASH at Home now altered and extra trips to MASH not at home scheduled for next week.
Where's the coping juice...........
over and out
Queenie
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Post by peartree on Nov 19, 2013 23:49:33 GMT
Immediate dispatch of coping juice to HRH and hoping agent twirly has simmered from most uncomfortable beetroot to a more cream of tomato complexion
Arf agent partridge has been telling cavalry grandparents that he's SUPER DOOPA BRILL BRAINS and merits and distinctions for all further bootcamp stuffs Heh? What's that sound? Do you hear the feint bleeping of the BEM?
The whiff of something unsavoury and countrysidey?
Hmmmm
Cavalry grandma suggests en1 sends electronic message to further bootcamp 'I'm a lumberjack and I don't care' department and enquires as to the SUPERB GRADESand the apparent lack of any code WRITING essays reports pictures projects ....
This is secret espionage of a level not yet attempted as agent is in fact 18 But being ARF agent though and through telling porkies and getting in code 'complete mess' is his usual style so en1 is hoping to avoid tricky mine field of BUT HES AN ADULT NOW SO NAFF OFF NOSY MOTHER attitude
Wish en1 luck I'm going in.... Email address supplied by agent is in fact the wrong one and bounces... So the BEM has sounded up a notch as the possibility of him having bluffed the lot creeps up
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Post by oysterbabe on Nov 20, 2013 9:58:46 GMT
Great excitement in Seafood Division that has bought on collywobbles for Agent Whelk. Communication from one Further Bootcamp inviting in for assessments and interview. About 3 hours in total. Cripes. I smoke signalled further boot camp to sortie proceedings in order to soothe Agent Whelk and he is now worried what he will wear! It's in two weeks time! Bless.
The English homework came home last night. En1 scribed. En1 wanted to hold her head in hands and weep. Agent harrumphed for 40 mins until I surrendered.
Suggest en pear tree gets further boot camp to invest in equipment that means en's are one step ahead of Agents. It's invaluable!
over and out.
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Post by gilreth on Nov 20, 2013 16:51:54 GMT
Is gilreth happy to be known as NEST camp for agent squawk ? That works - updates will come but EN1 and EN2 both tired as Agent Sqk is busy engaging in that activity known as teething...
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Post by peartree on Nov 21, 2013 9:06:06 GMT
Good morning ens En2 mr pear tree is showing loyalty to internal corps Aka VICTOR MELDREW division In the night the orchard dishwasher made funny noises En1 sent grumpy muttering en2 to investigate The device of dish washing had indeed made funny noises and refused to give up it's precious cargo And then when the port cullis did open, it shot water up places water should not be shot at 0200 hours Then arf partridge ate all cakes en2 likes so he's got naff all for his pudding at lunch time Non arf pip wanted wraps for her rations today but arf partridge took all the chicken too So when having a classic 2 leg hopper stopper pip banged self on bit of evil dishwasher from hell left out in the night En2 was very very grumpy indeed! Arf partridge has signed letter to college asking them to share openly with us despite protest of bravado Of course ens encouraged agent that if not lying there's no worry is there .....! Lol Much love to all camps
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Post by queenie on Nov 21, 2013 16:53:51 GMT
Has there been a universal call to all dishwasher to fail in the course of duty. The Door of the Royal Machine has stuck. It will not open properly. It will not close. It WILL stick out in the manner most likely to cause the uppending of the Royal Personage. Victor Meldrew is alive and well in these quarters too. And as Victor Meldrew regularly moans about the dishwasher ( what do we need one of these energy consuming infurating machine) he can do the ruddy dishes
over and out
Queenie
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Post by shadow on Nov 21, 2013 18:29:42 GMT
POW would love to send agent chaos to all beleaguered camps - agent chaos has skills of washing dishes with great gusto -resulting in suds and water flowing freely around camp, broken crockery........ POW wishes to recommend double agent K9 for a medal of the highest order - after facing firing squad in the snake pit, POW was cheered up by wee dog being totally full of mischief and delight during constitutional Attachment Deleted
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Post by gilreth on Nov 21, 2013 22:06:50 GMT
Camp NEST would like to report that up and coming agent Sqk is showing signs of being a true arf agent already at age 2. He is busy solving 'problems' which are in fact barriers ENs have put up for safety or sanity. Agent Sqk looked most pleased with himself when EN1 found him sat on top of the fireguard this afternoon. However code teething seems to be disappearing - ENs managed a whole nights sleep....
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Post by leo on Nov 21, 2013 23:38:07 GMT
ARF action has been strong here in the Met Office camp tonight with Hurricanes and Tsunamis joining forces for Operation Storm - requiring emergency call to cavalry Grandad to rescue EN from coordinated attack.
EN has been licking her wounds most of the evening (with the aid of chocolate rations stolen from 'Birthday Cake Preparation' tin) and wondering at the ability of ARFers to not only communicate but also coordinate and work as a team for the purposes of attack when these skills do not seem apparent in any other situation.
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Post by peartree on Nov 22, 2013 10:19:51 GMT
It appears comrades we have uncovered an ARF plot to destroy our dishwashers! Wonder if any other camps have knackered cleansing devices in general of if it's a specific attack? Arf partridge is in orchard boundaries today Operation 'clean stinky fish tank' underway with much harrumph accompaniment To our surprise there are NO fishes alive in there Agents tank is very ucky And it's tricky to know if there are any signs of life Agent blossom is on hurty foot milking it detail Agent did harm precious appendage last Friday But she's rather enjoying lavish attention the crutches bring and most unwilling to demonstrate any 'getting better' in case crutches are removed Will be interested to see how long unit take to confiscate crutches! All thanks to agent chaos for the offer but would rather eat off whole plates
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