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Post by peartree on Nov 22, 2013 10:24:35 GMT
Delighted to hear tiny agent Sqk in cosy nest camp has ceased action 'gnasher growth and yowl all night' Operation 'mountaineering' ens here have noted continues into teenager hood ....
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Post by peartree on Nov 22, 2013 10:47:38 GMT
When the arf are code active Suggest investment in CHOC OF THE PURPLE WRAPPER
Interested in wee dog exploits in outdoor chilly zone making pow feel happy
En1 finds a blast along in her chariot has similar affect
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Post by queenie on Nov 22, 2013 12:12:20 GMT
Royal Dishwasher is out of action until at least Monday. suspect much spondoolie action will be required.
Agent Twirly is code word blue, having dumped latest Love Interest. She like the idea of a Love Interest but DOES NOT like her Love Interests to show any Love Interest. If you get my meaning! MASH activities of the beetroot variety frightened Agent T, as is her worsening health.
The Royal Form is recovering from a major onslaught on the Pit of Doom. Repatriation of odd socks, wet knickers, most of the contents of my pen box,enough food items to feed a small army and an impressive pile of small pieces of paper. The Royal Dust and Dirt Sucker Upper narrowly avoided joining the washer upper in defunct mode, as chewed necklaces and earings tend to make such machine code word poorly.
over and out
Queenie
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Post by gilreth on Nov 22, 2013 16:43:28 GMT
I am thankful to report that despite tiny agent Sqk's efforts the dishwasher in camp Nest is still working. Then again we had operation dishwasher about 18 months back before agent Sqk arrived. However ENs have learnt that when doing operation washing to check the dials as tiny agent has a fascination with such things. At the moment EN1 is sat protecting typing device from agent who tried dancing on said device earlier...
EN2 is out earning spondoolies but is annoyed with certain supply tent that misinformed him in August that a new gadget would be available for him today. EN1 is equally annoyed as she and tiny agent Sqk went to pick up said gadget to be told we had to wait for more to be delivered as we were in 'phase 2' not 'phase 1'. Tiny agent was not happy as he had been stuck in a queue for 30 mins in hated device known as buggy.
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Post by lilka on Nov 22, 2013 16:59:41 GMT
Camp Aviary has no dishwasher, and is thererfore immune to Operation Disable Dishwasher. Camp does however have a washing machine which is codeword "temperamental". Washing machine is currently functional, but EN will keep an eye out for any sabotaging operations. En is used to washing machine sabotage - EN once made the mistake of explaining to Agent Rhea (who was about 13 at the time) that if you put the whites in with the reds, you get the PINKS and that's why I was sorting the clothes like this. Would any EN's like 3 guesses at what Agent Rhea did as soon as EN's back was turned?
Very glad to hear that Camp Nest's dishwasher is still functional
Non-ARF Agent Warbler turned 3 months old yesterday. EN has decided that time is just going too fast, and wishes for use of TARDIS so she can enjoy some more newborn baby stage
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Post by shadow on Nov 22, 2013 18:11:44 GMT
POW reeling from todays "sensitive" communications from the "experts"
Camp chaos appears not to be seen as a real camp
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Post by lilka on Nov 23, 2013 2:53:51 GMT
Camp Chaos is a very real camp. The "experts" (ha, bl**dy ha ha) are wrong, wrong, wrong. And stupid. Camp Chaos is in my thoughts.
This EN cannot sleep. Well, nooooo say all EN's on Saturday morning, we couldn't tell, the fact you were posting this at nearly 3AM wasn't a complete giveaway. This EN is wondering if any other EN's here are code "night owls"?
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Post by peartree on Nov 23, 2013 10:05:10 GMT
Good morning all campers En1 had an ouchy night So guzzled some oramorph at 0500 hours having woken and yowling En has therefore slept til 0830 hours and woke to find orchard in full swing And a cuddly 'Babbitt' in bunker with me Now I know en2s can be hairy.... Their ears can be long But the fluffy white cotton tail was a surprise! Heheheheh Arf partridge wants to wrap his gifts haul This year, en1 gave him a princely sum of £80 spondoolies And with that he's bought things for all of us rather than me buying it all Arf agent got given an £80 jungle cyber retail e-voucher so no chance of loosing it/ giving it to a mate you met 5 mins before etc Little pip has found en1s dictaphone This is to help en with typing as you can just record and put through the laptop and voila You talk It teeops It tips It types (after a few corrections!!!) En2 is v excited as it's DR WHO tonight So has claimed the lounge as sci fi zone In the meantime en1 is taking arf blossom and partridge to very large picture zone To see 'hunger games 2' which to en sounds dreadful But agents are v excited It's someone beating hunger and winning afterall Pip is code 'interviewing' with the dicto-ma-phone So en best go and be interesting Hope the dishwasher attack has been resolved Wonder what's next on arf list? POW is the expert in agent chaos She is also the highest rank possible 'mum.mum' So a suggestion to ivory towers of flicking the vs is tempting Much love to all camps xx
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Post by bagpuss72 on Nov 23, 2013 13:02:09 GMT
Sorry Camp Retro have been missing in action due to EN1 having a serious loss of sense of humour.
Agent Bert has skilfully negotiated re-acquisition of X box controller this am, removed as sanction following targeted attack on EN1 (delivered with accuracy of fire, ouch) on Wednesday, immediately on return from Boot Camp. Fortunately EN2 was able to attend after incident to assist with clear up operation. Repatriation of controller is listed under Geneva Convention as an ” Act of Mercy” in respect of EN1s sanity and relief from whingey agent.
EN1 has had Pow Wows with Boot Camp Commandant no 1. CAMHS and Duty s.c.u.m this week. Action deferred until all information gathering complete from HQs. Boot Camp Com. left in no doubt that I will continue to pursue dialogue whether it be by morse code, satellite communication or carrier pigeon until satisfactory clarification of staff actions and understanding of situation received.
Entering phase of Operation “Agent relocation from Boot Camp”, initial reconnaissance in collaboration with Parent Partnership. Hope to be able to report positive result in future dispatches.
Camp Retro can also report visit from White Goods saboteur, lid snapped on chest freezer, evidence of FAB lolly wrappers in vicinity. Light bulb in fridge has been left on causing plastic to burn and melt. All catering supplies now smell of fish.
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Post by queenie on Nov 23, 2013 15:20:32 GMT
Brief update on Pot Washing Activities. EN2 has gone very quiet on the "why do we need a dishwasher ?" front. Nice chap who repairs all the Royal Palace kit took pity on the Royal Hands that do Dishes and came on a Saturday in response to a maiden's cry for help. Spondoolie Action will be modest as a bit of muttering and clever taking apart and putting back together again action has almost sorted it. And the necessary bit that is missing in action can be requisitioned from an old machine for nothing, if we can wait a day or two. With so many hands willing to make light work what could be easier?
over and out
Queenie
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Post by queenie on Nov 23, 2013 18:32:09 GMT
Think of the willingness shown by some one walking the plank with the pirates sword poking the back.
That just about sums it up........!
Q
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Post by damson on Nov 23, 2013 20:29:23 GMT
Arf agent 2 used to sing tunefully about his slavery as he loaded the mechanised mess ration tin cleaner, till EN1 linked slave song to Saturday spondoolie deficit.
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Post by peartree on Nov 25, 2013 7:17:02 GMT
Hello from the orchard
The orchard hooters have been treated to nice niffs as the collective efforts of many hands went into the annual seasonal cake manufacture. Nicely baking our home made offering may have the odd bit of shell but did stop the inquisitive moggy mascot poking his whiskers in!
Arf partridge is coming along in the close to mum micromoments tally with a KISS to en1 in a public place :-0
My best news is non arf pip has had her first night solidly in her bunker since en1 returned from mash and the new joint appendage :-)
Hope to hear the royal dishwasher has restored function by the end of the day and that VICTOR MELDREW dish doing duty days are limited
Love to all camps
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Post by peartree on Nov 25, 2013 10:13:24 GMT
Congratulations camp T on embarking on new territories AKa love interest... It's truly an area in which angels fear to tread Pleased to hear granny hood is not on the cards til 50s Reflecting that en1s cavalry were in their early 50s when she brought 2 ARF agents into their lives Poor cavalry have never been the same since Much loving of the ARF has taken it's toll but really our lives are much the richer for having them about
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Post by fruitcake on Nov 25, 2013 14:32:50 GMT
Apologies for long delay in sending dispatches but the Major has been on an intensive bootcamp aka Beating the Blues.
This is an online CBT course in which we have oiled and polished our weaponry of Attributional Style and honed our battle techniques of problem-solving, sleep management and counting our successes.
God help them when I have mastered the Downward Arrow technique!
They don't like it up 'em!
One of the Fruity camp's worst persecutors (who just knew that our son's behavioural problems were due to our "poor parenting" and wasted little time or breath informing as many people as would listen of this, causing us endless problems) died suddenly and unexpectedly a couple of weeks ago, aged 49 and leaving young children. The Major's first reaction was enormous relief quickly followed, of-course, by waves of guilt. She was horrible, but I didn't wish her dead and do feel sorry for her family. She was a good Christian lady, of the whited sepulchre genre. Made me realise how deeply the weapons of misunderstanding, criticism, gossip and judgementalism can wound.
Warmest wishes to all camps, doing a fabulous job under constant enemy fire.
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Post by peartree on Nov 25, 2013 22:23:55 GMT
Hello to fellow ens especially major fruitcake and all in patisserie camp
Interesting the nice niffs from orchard have Christmas round fruity cake origin. En1 was pleased to note arf partridge comments favourably on niff from freshly cooked festive rations Also pleased that agent admits to 'missing mummy' and briefly sounding very small timid little fella en once knew
En1 is watching buzzcocks on the beeb with agent before bunker time En1 secretly likes noel fielding :-0 thinking there something mysterious deeply cool and quirky about him
En2 is pleased that the agent is in home turf and wife slightly appreciating some unreachable low level celeb is a small price to play!
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Post by damson on Nov 26, 2013 9:04:26 GMT
Camp Preserve checking in from silent bunker. Commander EN2 had MASH sortie yesterday, and returned from the fray with sling and fresh set of brain modifying pills. He will stand down from off-camp duties for a week. Arf Agent 1 made special visit on way home to foster bunker, to check EN2 not a fatality. Arf Agent 2 following orders with unusual speed. EN1 looking furtively round for a bunk to sleep in without an injured comrade in it... Furred agent selecting bunks based on temperature.
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Post by queenie on Nov 26, 2013 18:50:33 GMT
Pleased to report that Mash on Monday didn't bring forth itchyness, and MASH at home has commenced. MASH operatives who only know the Much Improved Agent Twirly have had their hair curled as Agent T decided to tell them a bit about life before adoption............and some of the Wild Personage of Much Fruity Language, Teeth Action, and Escapology Tendencies traits. I think these revelations were triggered by an unexpected sighting of Big Sister, whose life is not going well.
Local MASH on Tuesday did not go well. Agent Twirly's veins are, shall we say, twirly and resist all attempts to give the red stuff up. Local MASH operatives sweated, muttered, made various attempts to turn Agent T into a human pin cushion...........and then admitted failure. So unscheduled Tuesday Trip to MASH escorted by EN2 Victor Meldrew Division. Several more holes in the HPC and a bit of the Red Stuff went into the appropriate bottles. Agent T deserves a Large Medal, but had to make do with a very large slice of chocolate cake provided by Ecclesiastical Cavalry.
The Royal Palace has been inspected thoroughly tonight, by a Very Interested Family. Mr V I F even surveyed the inside of the Royal Fridge.........I just hope that under the beds didn't have the same attention.
over and out
Queenie
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Post by shadow on Nov 26, 2013 19:14:49 GMT
was MR VIF looking for caviar, champagne etc in royal fridge - or concerned that HRHs cries "off with her head" might mean grisly remains in the palace
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Post by leo on Nov 26, 2013 23:12:20 GMT
Met Office Camp remains under heavy fire. ARF attacks are increasingly stealthy and well coordinated. Operation Christmas now seems unavoidable - but may bring about the implosion of our Camp.
Brainwashers and EN currently in strategic meetings planning 'Operation Calm and Contain' in an effort to counteract the advance of Operation Christmas. Advice on how other camps have managed this would be gratefully received!
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Post by peartree on Nov 27, 2013 7:52:37 GMT
The arf need to be introduced to mission RAWHIDE
in the 1980s ens used to watch the Saturday reruns of this programme of western joy The theme of which is very applicable to the arf
'Round em up and head em out'
Yes comrades as much activity as possible ideally of the energetic and knackering kind, out of arf zones
There's been a busy night here in the orchard Little miss pip has stayed in her bunker But the iffy tummy kept en1 up instead and the songs of cbeebies topsy and Tim and swashbuckle went round ens head Think parenthood has completely fried brain!
Ens shhhhh but en1 is a bit nervous today as powwow with new adult services worker this morning Direct payments is something we couldn't manage without so ens are scared really that cuts are on agenda
Much love to all camps Please there's a VIF in the vicinity of palace and hope their kings ransom is secured and ready shortly x
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Post by shadow on Nov 27, 2013 9:00:22 GMT
good luck to the orchard and hope new worker is good and kind
camp chaos is about to be infiltrated by "she who knows best" and is talking over POWs role (which has been sadly diminished by services)as the one who knows agent chaos best and is the one doing everything to do with agents re location
POW feels no longer needed
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Post by damson on Nov 27, 2013 10:11:43 GMT
((((Shadow))) you'll always be Shadette's EN1 whatever the profs say.
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Post by shadow on Nov 27, 2013 10:29:01 GMT
POW actually has to say she maybe has misjudged certain profs - they are really just working within the system - POW hates being wrong!
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Post by oysterbabe on Nov 27, 2013 15:21:20 GMT
Seafood division is code worn out. Agent whelk is preparing for further boot camp assessment and grilling on Saturday am. He is wobbly, shouty, grumpy and lumpy. Adorable... Not. En1 is firing off communications and barking orders at scum and scue, battle weariness is setting in. Agent cockle did code fabbydabbydozy with new brain washer today in new location! So proud.
However a communication arrived today that made me chuckle and rather joyous, en1 work pension statement (I left in 2001 when arf arrived lol) ... In 10 yrs I can have my spondoolies! Either as a lump sum and reduced spondoolies or as regular spondoolies. Before you think I'm older than I really am, the company start paying at 55!!! Result.
Have bought bottle of sparkling coping juice as a treat, and multipack of Choccie treats. En1 leaving camp tomorrow to travel yellow brick road to Ally Pally to see lively popular American folky group. Music being used on several tv ads currently. Cavalry auntie and me out using sat nav.,, could be an adventure!! Or a disaster daaaahling!!
Over and out.
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flowerpot
New Member
Married Adopter
Posts: 34
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Post by flowerpot on Nov 29, 2013 9:31:20 GMT
Please can a new camp join in?
Camp Botany is in a delicious state of quiet ... shhh! ... you can even hear the cat flap rattle in the wind. Both ARF agents are at their bootcamps. This is an unusual state of affairs and EN1 will sit and enjoy that rarest of treats, a real cup of coffee with the furry agent happily sat on her lap.
ARF agent 1 will return very soon (code 'reduced timetable') whereas ARF agent 2 will not ('she who likes to chat' - for England - Ireland, Scotland and Wales - but not to EN1 you understand).
EN1, therefore, wants to breathe and enjoy the moment ...
hoping that she will not be ripped from her reverie by the bootcamp captain.
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Post by peartree on Nov 29, 2013 9:52:31 GMT
A very warm welcome to camp botany and congratulations indeed for getting both agents into bootcamp My biggest agent is on SLOB detail This is because he's home from further bootcamp for 'study day' which translates in the ARF mind as something rather different- mainly sleeping, loloping about, playing x box and demanding various treats My middle one- arf blossom has thankfully decided that despite the attention appeal, crutches cramp her teen style, despite en1 offering to decorate them with festive tinsel, bells and baubles.... Funnily enough she had a miraculous recovery after EN suggestions... Now- onto snogfest En1&2 hatched a cunning plan This time when arf partridges love interest visited We served FISHY BAKE with peas and low and behold- no snogging over dinner They did, however, use all ens candles in making love nest in lounge which didn't go down so well En has yet to speak to agent about this but overall it wasn't too bad Also deployment of MIRANDA DVD ensures more laughs and less chewing each others faces off Non arf pip is all of a whirl It's the trial of the tights....! They go with the schooliform of doom....! They keep ones leggies and botty snug But NO! Pip doesn't like them... (En1 also hates to wear them truth be told!) It was like getting a slippy octopus in a string bag
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Post by oysterbabe on Nov 29, 2013 10:26:16 GMT
Salutations from cheery but incapacitated en1. Whilst making veg soup yesterday at 1100hrs and cutting up half mouldy marrow, sharp kitchen implement slipped and cut into thumb digit, the red stuff spurted everywhere like you see in horror flicks and en1 felt the swoons come about her! All sorted now, was blue lighted to local mash by elderly neighbour who needs his licence removing from him. VIP appt and (deeply cut but clean wound) digit was sterry stripped and bandaged. I will now milk this for at least a week. Pass the chocs.
Cavalry aunty sister and myself can report super journey to ally pally and return last evening. Beautiful venue and views over the smoke. The group are magnificent live and I made my scarf into a sling to gain maximum sympathy from the thronging masses. Was glad I was there rather than being sat in a&e all afternoon.
Agent and en2 left at home spent evening in separate rooms in complete silence. No change there then.
Off to finish the soup now, but strangely I can't face eating it!
Thumbs up to all Camps!!
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Post by oysterbabe on Nov 29, 2013 10:28:25 GMT
Ps can the 'like' button icon be changed from a thumb for the foreseeable future? Thank you.
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Post by damson on Nov 29, 2013 20:52:04 GMT
Arf Agents 1 and 2 attend a school that has no regular uniform requirement but a uniform sports kit of costly magnificence... We live with the non-uniform arms race of branded foot coverings, logo'd exercise uniform and point blank refusal to wear high viz accessories or head protection for 2 wheeled battle vehicles. Ack. EN2 has blood pressure attacks when foot coverings are discussed, so EN1 is commander in chief of priceless Arf feet, and wears teflon overclothes to shed the resulting free floating blame.
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