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Post by loadsofbubs on Nov 18, 2013 22:40:12 GMT
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Post by sivier on Nov 18, 2013 22:48:06 GMT
hi Spideress Sounds as though it's going really well!
I'd echo oogleschnook's advice on the food - again it was something I also wish I had been more relaxed about in the early days of placement when LO was going through such turmoil. It's hard when you want to nurture them - food is pretty elemental.
I'd agree it might be about control (or maybe just not fancying something!) but they can't control anything else, so that gives them at least something where their 'opinion' counts. Also someone pointed out to me that little tummies might be very up and down, churning with stress, off their usual foods etc - this made me think as when I'm stressed, it certainly affects my appetite and digestion, limits the food I fancy eating etc. Just a thought.
Bath time treats, bedtime stories, some kind of pudding etc are probably all very important to maintain right now I'd suggest, as they are part of a routine and comforting.
Hope you sleep well, and massive good luck for tomorrow!
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Post by moo on Nov 19, 2013 4:40:35 GMT
Hey Mummy.... Early night last night for me so missed your post..... Was thinking of you all day Move in day......
My mistake was wanting to be Super Mummy.... Be kind to yourself it is a learning curve for you & Mr Spider....
Incy will be very wobbly & try his best to be happy.... As baa says 'my belly tells me I am sad' ... He will be struggling with the new & exciting stuff.... Try & give him familiar food & 'keep it simple' that way the new norm just becomes the 'norm'..... I know you are gonna be just fine you have both been such naturals all thro your long & tuff intros.... As a very wise one from here ( but 'there') once told me 'don't sweat the small stuff'.... It has become my mantra.....
Good Luck with school....
Remind your s/w that in April 2014 Incy will qualify for a £1.900 pa grant paid direct to school... Will make school very happy & even keener to enrol him.... S/w may have to write a letter so school can claim it...
Sooo happy for you..... Keep us posted if you have the energy & don't forget to change your status on your signature & see you on the 'adopters board'.
Xxx. moo. Xx
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Post by daisy1985 on Nov 19, 2013 7:33:14 GMT
Just a thought on the food spideress why not try giving him some choice around meal times, if this is a control thing it is going to allow him some control by choosing, then maybe he will be more inclined to eat it as it was his choice? Just an idea! I have to say with regards to food I was very lucky they both ate anything... Now firstly at the time I thought wow this is great, but we immediately noticed Dewey didn't chew anything it all went down whole! And actually over the weeks since they have moved in we have learnt how they eat and can immediately tell now if they don't actually like it! We explained early on that if they didn't like something there would always be an alternative but they had to try it first! Huey sat attempting to eat crumpets and I could tell he didn't like them, reiterated he didn't have to eat it, he ploughed on! In the end when he gagged I had to be harsh, I got two yogurts out the fridge opened them and put them down as I removed the crumpets! It's amazing how in 20 months of care he managed to hide from the carer foods he didn't like, I only say that as crumpets was on his fave food list, he now tells me he used to force them down! ? I think as others have already said, try to encourage and not remove essential routine as consequence too soon. It hit home to me when someone described to me how to imagine it "Someone walks in and takes you leaving behind your husband, your children, your home, your pets, and everything in your home that makes it home! They take you in a car practically blindfolded as kids don't know where they are, and walk you into a new house, where there is a new husband, who you didn't choose and who you aren't used to, there are new kids and new pets and nothing in the house is familiar, the smells are different, the surroundings are different and you are scared" And at least as adults we understand the world! You are doing an amazing job so far Donald told me it was clear to see how much incy loved you both, so stay strong and face it from another light, leave plenty options food wise, give a decent meal at lunch and dinner so if they pick at dinner they have had lunch Etc Daisy! Xx
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Post by Deleted on Nov 19, 2013 8:41:49 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 19, 2013 8:48:56 GMT
Oh and I agree with LOB's Mushy Peas are DISGUSTING!!!!!! Adult baby food.
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Post by nomoretears on Nov 19, 2013 9:54:27 GMT
Hi Spideress, not sure if you'll still be reading this board now you've graduated to the adopters board! I wanted to say how much I've loved reading your diary - as a foster carer it really helps to see what adopters are going through to give me tips on my next set of intros. We're always learning.
I totally agree with oogleschnook about the food thing. Don't let it stress you out because Incy will pick up on it and play on it more. Just a thought, but are you eating at the same time as Incy? And the same food? My current FC eats much better when we have meals together (even though this can mean eating at 4.30!)
Nappies are often a pain as nappy makers like to put pictures on the front and the back to confuse us! Pull Ups are even worse because they have no tabs to guide you. You are correct that the tabs come round to the front and stick onto the band but really i think they'd work no matter how you put them on, as long as the bum is covered! Quick tip - if Incy does want to move on to Pull Ups then Tesco do a basic range which only costs £1.40 for 18.
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Post by bumbleb33 on Nov 19, 2013 11:53:42 GMT
I started looking into getting that sorted well in advance, the online form had a section for adopters as long as you can state who (FC) was claiming for child before you. Does this refer to the child benefit? If so, I just wanted to clarify that the foster carer wouldn't have been claiming it for the child as we're not entitled to it. Sometimes the birth parents still will be though! Thanks for letting me know, I had no idea! And of course well done to Spideress, hubby and Incy for getting through Intros!
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Post by spideress on Nov 19, 2013 12:57:16 GMT
Just a thought on the food spideress why not try giving him some choice around meal times, if this is a control thing it is going to allow him some control by choosing, then maybe he will be more inclined to eat it as it was his choice? Just an idea! I already did that and did it last night too, he actually CHOSE the Chicken Nuggets and then refused to eat a single thing (including the nuggets) for tea.
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Post by moo on Nov 19, 2013 13:28:18 GMT
Funny that spideress.... My two even now to-day can't cope with making a choice ( even if it's in front of them cooked & on the table ) .... I always have to make the choice usually based on favourites or each brothers individual mood!!! Not surprised to hear that at all.... Just go with the flow... the new norm will be completely normal very soon you just watch.... Love your new signature......
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by kstar on Nov 19, 2013 19:07:48 GMT
To start with I found it really hard to feed Starlet... She didn't like any of my usual meals and refused to eat the things FCs had said she lived on... In the end we agreed in four meals that she liked and rotated them! As I got bored I started doing something different for me and she did the classic ooooooooh that looks nice can I try it... Now there are very, very few things left that she won't eat. Just go with it and it will fall into place :-)
Incidentally, mushy peas is one of our favourites!!! We both love them xx
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Post by spideress on Nov 19, 2013 20:44:46 GMT
Hi Spideress, not sure if you'll still be reading this board now you've graduated to the adopters board! I wanted to say how much I've loved reading your diary - as a foster carer it really helps to see what adopters are going through to give me tips on my next set of intros. We're always learning. I totally agree with oogleschnook about the food thing. Don't let it stress you out because Incy will pick up on it and play on it more. Just a thought, but are you eating at the same time as Incy? And the same food? My current FC eats much better when we have meals together (even though this can mean eating at 4.30!) Nappies are often a pain as nappy makers like to put pictures on the front and the back to confuse us! Pull Ups are even worse because they have no tabs to guide you. You are correct that the tabs come round to the front and stick onto the band but really i think they'd work no matter how you put them on, as long as the bum is covered! Quick tip - if Incy does want to move on to Pull Ups then Tesco do a basic range which only costs £1.40 for 18. Thank you :-) We do all eat our meals around the table at the same time even though it does mean us eating early as I feel this is a good family time and a time to chat and bond more etc. Last night Mr Spider has the same as Incy whilst I had something different with salad (I doubt what I had would have been "liked" by either Mr Spider or Incy but I cannot keep eating bread things or things in breadcrumbs etc as I was starting to get stomach/constipation issues - I think I might have a wheat allergy so try to avoid too much bread and suchlike) and tonight we all had something different....Incy had 3 fish fingers with broccli and sprouts which he ate with no problem and I also gave him swede and turnip chopped up and since they are white ish in colour I told him they were potatoes so he ate those too! I doubt if they had been given their actual label of swede and turnip they would have been "liked"........Mr Spider had sweet and sour chicken with some of the same veg and I had salmon with some of the same veg. I will look into the pull ups idea
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Post by taliesin on Nov 21, 2013 2:40:16 GMT
Hi Spideress........I've been leaving your thread till last to catch up on.....and just want to say a big thank you for sharing and being so honest....its been so helpful! I'm so pleased for you, mummy....have pm'd xxx
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Post by spideress on Nov 21, 2013 19:51:16 GMT
Hi Spideress........I've been leaving your thread till last to catch up on.....and just want to say a big thank you for sharing and being so honest....its been so helpful! I'm so pleased for you, mummy....have pm'd xxx Thank you :-)
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