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Post by spideress on Nov 11, 2013 23:17:53 GMT
Yes, I'm going to have one of those Christmas clear-outs when I sort my future LOs room......I shall have to be ruthless cos I'm not very good at it !!! Hope you get an earlier night, you must be wrecked x I was aiming for 11pm at the latest but it's looking more likely to be midnight
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Post by moo on Nov 12, 2013 6:17:43 GMT
Please Please Please spideress take your echinacea & multi vits.... Even if you are not sniffling you are DEFFO running yourself down.... You & Mr Spider really need this....
Have fun to - day.....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by spideress on Nov 12, 2013 7:10:00 GMT
Please Please Please spideress take your echinacea & multi vits.... Even if you are not sniffling you are DEFFO running yourself down.... You & Mr Spider really need this....
Have fun to - day.....
Xx. moo. Xx I have not got any echinecea but I think I've got some multi vits somewhere. It was 2am in the end by the time I got to bed and up at 5.45am with Mr Spider to take him to the train station and right now I am cooking and preparing the table etc for the FC and Incy who come for tea this evening.........Incy's first time in his new home :-)
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Post by moo on Nov 12, 2013 8:00:45 GMT
Yay.... Milestone Incy in his new home.... Yum yum tea.... ( just bet you are cooking his fave!! ) can't wait for the report.....
If you are out & about again over the next few days get yourself to a holland & Barratt.... Echinacea it REALLY is worth the money it will add to your immune system.... You both need a boost coz your hectic schedule really will catch up!!!!
failing that what about Nannie or another of your support network.... That really will be the best gift they could bring a new mummy & daddy....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by spideress on Nov 12, 2013 8:27:58 GMT
Yay.... Milestone Incy in his new home.... Yum yum tea.... ( just bet you are cooking his fave!! ) can't wait for the report.....
If you are out & about again over the next few days get yourself to a holland & Barratt.... Echinacea it REALLY is worth the money it will add to your immune system.... You both need a boost coz your hectic schedule really will catch up!!!!
failing that what about Nannie or another of your support network.... That really will be the best gift they could bring a new mummy & daddy....
Xx. moo. Xx I made corned beef hash. Carvery is Incy's favourite food but we rarely buy "proper" meat and I am not very familiar with how to cook it anyway. I had to make two version of the hash though (so lots more pans needed) and Incy will not eat onions..........not even if they are REALLY tiny like you get on top of a burger at McDonalds so I had to make his version without any onions at all and make all our version with lots of nice onions :-) The SWs have not yet approved our change of plans (agreed with the FC as its the FC who needed to change the plans - I asked her did we need to run it by them but she said we will just tell them at the review meeting today "how it is" so unless they block it then yes, today is the first day Incy steps foot in his new home and today is the today that mummy has cooked her first meal for Incy
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Post by spideress on Nov 13, 2013 0:05:12 GMT
Day 7 - Enforced Day Off
Day 8 - Today was review meeting where they ignored us and the foster carer and laid down all their rules. We saw Incy at our home for the first time 4pm-6pm and then he went back to FC
Plan is for him to move in permanently 18/11/13
WRT to the meal here 4pm-6pm he claimed not the like the food and we had two proper screaming and crying issues so not sure what to do bout that. He LOVED his new bedroom and jumped on every bed in the house!
I cannot type a longer account, its gone midnight again and I have to be up early and I am falling asleep tyiping :-)
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Post by moo on Nov 13, 2013 7:10:10 GMT
Hey spideress.... You sound exhausted..... Don't worry that he claimed not to like his food.... It is quite a common knee jerk reaction coz of excitement & just everything being different.... Try hard not to take it to heart.... ( I did!!!)
Wow18th eh... That is getting sooner...... S/w sound a bit stuffy.... I am a tad surprised coz you are doing so well.... Makes your intros mighty long.... How did they like the video??... Is it back to yours now??
Try when youre out & about to get the echinacea..... You need a boost... Or maybe a rest day just before Incy moves in.... Check out with f/c what incy's fave meals are.... Stick with those at first & change very gradually if you need to add in different or healthier options...
Relax & enjoy your day.....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by Deleted on Nov 13, 2013 8:18:26 GMT
I'm not surprised your tired Spideress you are burning the candle both ends. Noticed you on here very late last night and again very early this morning. You really do need your sleep, because once Incy moves in you will be really tired and it is much harder to cope with kids if you haven't had enough sleep. Please do try and get to bed a bit earlier or it will all catch up with you. You don't want to burn out before he comes home.
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Post by spideress on Nov 13, 2013 8:54:12 GMT
Hey spideress.... You sound exhausted..... Don't worry that he claimed not to like his food.... It is quite a common knee jerk reaction coz of excitement & just everything being different.... Try hard not to take it to heart.... ( I did!!!)
Wow18th eh... That is getting sooner...... S/w sound a bit stuffy.... I am a tad surprised coz you are doing so well.... Makes your intros mighty long.... How did they like the video??... Is it back to yours now??
Try when youre out & about to get the echinacea..... You need a boost... Or maybe a rest day just before Incy moves in.... Check out with f/c what incy's fave meals are.... Stick with those at first & change very gradually if you need to add in different or healthier options...
Relax & enjoy your day.....
Xx. moo. Xx Thanks, yeah SWs are really officious. They did not listen to us or FC yesterday, just had their own agenda. FC thinks it is crazy he cannot move in this Sat, she has moved MANY children on a Sat and the child's SW has not been there. Our SWs all decided child's SW needs to "be there" on Monday when he "leaves" so maybe that is why it got delayed to the Monday. They did not watch the video in the meeting (not even a tiny bit of it) but our SW watched it all before the meeting and his SW watched half of it before the meeting. They did not really make much comment about it. The meeting was more about trying to establish what "anxiety" behaviors Incy is displaying as basically we said he seems happy, relaxed, keen etc and we did not really mention anything "negative" as such. They took this as being "odd" because they felt he MUST or SHOULD be displaying something so since they seemed to "need" something to appease them I mentioned his toilet flushing/hand dryer issues when he is with US but he has no issue with that when with FC. They had a whole long discussion on attachment and it not being there yet..............they also told me I should be called "Mummy Spideress" and not just "Mummy" so that he can differentiate between me and his birth mother............. I have decided to play their game to a degree to LOOK like I listened then do it the way I think best for our family. They also said we should LET him favor just one of us in intros and not try to balance him out to go to both of us for things.......... Mr Spider was getting REALLY annoyed in the meeting and I kinda kicked him under the table He was thinking they were not going to let us see our son yesterday 4pm-6pm for the first time at our house for tea and he had not seen him for a day and half by then and that was TOO long for us to be apart from him. SWs seem a lot like Politician's to me...........say one thing do another, full of themselves, pretend they are listening and are friendly and that they value you etc..but its just pretend. To me SWs are just a means to an end - to be tolerated for the time it takes. Today is now REALLY long thanks to their officiousness of yesterday. Me and FC agreed us to go to Incy 2pm-7pm at their house for tea/bath/bed but SWs decided Incy MUST come here for a bit today as well as us go there and do all that so I leave at 9.45am to collect Mr Spider from work, drive 30 mins to FC and collect incy, drive 30 mins back home and let Incy have some play time. Make Incy dinner. 1.30pm we now meet with his new school teacher and show him around his new school. Then back home for more play then about 4pm 30 mins drive back to FC to do the tea/bath/bed then 30 mins drive back here.....expect to be home 9pm ish I am gonna have sugar in my tea today I think I have asked FC to list things she know he likes and will eat but she is happy for me to text her etc even when he is with us so she can advise/help etc
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Post by spideress on Nov 13, 2013 8:58:51 GMT
I'm not surprised your tired Spideress you are burning the candle both ends. Noticed you on here very late last night and again very early this morning. You really do need your sleep, because once Incy moves in you will be really tired and it is much harder to cope with kids if you haven't had enough sleep. Please do try and get to bed a bit earlier or it will all catch up with you. You don't want to burn out before he comes home. I am gonna try to be a bit kinder to myself between now and Monday and get more sleep as I am starting to feel dizzy and I was having "micro" sleeps whilst even trying to type a text last night! My body is starting to put me to sleep regardless and so now it is time to pull it back. I will usually be up early as I get up 5.45am with hubby to take him to train station for work and then tend to just stay up from that point forth
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Post by nomoretears on Nov 13, 2013 9:32:24 GMT
I'm really pleased to hear you're taking the advice given about resting, it's so, so important.
Don't be surprised if Incy won't even eat his "favourite" meals when he's first placed. I think I must hear "I don't like that" at least once a week, even when it's something I know they love!
It's strange to read that SWs are advocating for you to be Mummy Spideress to differentiate between you and BM, I've always known it the other way round (I.e. BM becomes mummy X, or even just X) I'd go with your gut on that one.
Good luck today!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 13, 2013 9:37:00 GMT
Blimey they do sound officious Spideress.
For what it's worth, if they are insisting that Incy can't come home until Monday, because SW doesn't work w/e's, then if I were you I would ask for another rest day on friday or saturday to give you and DH time to rest up.
I appreciate that intro's have to be a bit longer for an older child, rather than a littlie, to allow him time to absorb what is happening, but you have to think about yourself too and you really cannot go into bringing Incy home if you are over tired, it just won't work, and will stress you all out.
Incy IMO is already showing anxieties, like any 4.5 year old would when his world is about to change. Unlike LO's he is old enough to understand what is happening and he is probably terrified. They move Littlies fast, because however much they explain to a 1 or 2 year old they don't get it, but a 4.5 year old does, so no wonder he is scared and acting up a bit.
This is why you need to be in top form when he comes home because he will act out his fear and stress and confusion and quite frankly if he didn't I'd be more worried. This is why you and DH should have another day off to give both yourself and Incy a little break from the intensity of intro's. I think all three of you would benefit from a day off TBH.
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Post by spideress on Nov 13, 2013 13:01:58 GMT
I'm really pleased to hear you're taking the advice given about resting, it's so, so important. Don't be surprised if Incy won't even eat his "favourite" meals when he's first placed. I think I must hear "I don't like that" at least once a week, even when it's something I know they love! It's strange to read that SWs are advocating for you to be Mummy Spideress to differentiate between you and BM, I've always known it the other way round (I.e. BM becomes mummy X, or even just X) I'd go with your gut on that one. Good luck today! I have 15 mins of calm.......Mr Spider is in Incy's bedroom with him playing with cars and I am cooking fish fingers for Incy whilst we have more Corned Beef Hash from last night...........the calm before the storm but hopefully no more tantrums over food today and no more storm..........but atl least for now........calm :-) He isnt asking our names as much right now I think it was a phase, right now we are just mummy and daddy
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Post by moo on Nov 13, 2013 18:27:44 GMT
I wouldn't be messing with mummy x.... I am Mummeee..... BM is christian name only.... Can't imagine what madness has got into your s/w's.... You are right to simply agree with them.... What you do next week when Incy is home with you & Mr Spider is up to you.... He will get very confused if you start that.... Jmk is right perhaps another rest day or half day would be good to help you get a bit extra down time....
Hope the fish fingers were a hit.... If not not don't sweat it xxx
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by kstar on Nov 13, 2013 19:25:05 GMT
In terms of brushing teeth, I agree with nomoretears - I had been told to anyway but Starlet did teeth as part of her keeping healthy topic this week at school and came home telling me off because I always rinse! She does spit and was told at school by the dentist that they should spit - but once they're done with brushing, they don't rinse off with water.
Starlet hasn't had any issues with the toilet but my cousin did with her little girl at 3 or 4 - she found it helped reading books like "When Santa Claus needed a wee" or "whose poo is this?" Kids love the toilet humour and it just kind of "normalizes" talking about bodily functions!
So pleased everything seems to be going so well :-) xx
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Post by happyone on Nov 13, 2013 19:57:54 GMT
Loving reading this xxxxx
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Post by spideress on Nov 13, 2013 20:23:22 GMT
Blimey they do sound officious Spideress. For what it's worth, if they are insisting that Incy can't come home until Monday, because SW doesn't work w/e's, then if I were you I would ask for another rest day on friday or saturday to give you and DH time to rest up. I appreciate that intro's have to be a bit longer for an older child, rather than a littlie, to allow him time to absorb what is happening, but you have to think about yourself too and you really cannot go into bringing Incy home if you are over tired, it just won't work, and will stress you all out. Incy IMO is already showing anxieties, like any 4.5 year old would when his world is about to change. Unlike LO's he is old enough to understand what is happening and he is probably terrified. They move Littlies fast, because however much they explain to a 1 or 2 year old they don't get it, but a 4.5 year old does, so no wonder he is scared and acting up a bit. This is why you need to be in top form when he comes home because he will act out his fear and stress and confusion and quite frankly if he didn't I'd be more worried. This is why you and DH should have another day off to give both yourself and Incy a little break from the intensity of intro's. I think all three of you would benefit from a day off TBH. Sat and Sun have things "to do" in them that are not yet done which is Sat have him from 9am-6pm and give him a bath and take him back to FC wearing his nappy and PJs and Sun is his "goodbye" tea from his FC so those days are "needed" in that sense though IMO they could have been done tomorrow and Friday with him moving in on Sat. The agency manager rules with her own iron will and basically listens to no one so we are DEFINITELY in bed for 10.30pm tonight and tomorrow might even be a bit sooner, maybe even 8pm if we get home on time and same on Sat and Sun very early nights to prepare ourseves for Monday onwards :-)
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Post by spideress on Nov 13, 2013 20:27:04 GMT
I wouldn't be messing with mummy x.... I am Mummeee..... BM is christian name only.... Can't imagine what madness has got into your s/w's.... You are right to simply agree with them.... What you do next week when Incy is home with you & Mr Spider is up to you.... He will get very confused if you start that.... Jmk is right perhaps another rest day or half day would be good to help you get a bit extra down time....
Hope the fish fingers were a hit.... If not not don't sweat it xxx
Xx. moo. Xx The mummy x thing came from their mental health woman advisor. I am not messing with it either and at present he seems to have stopped that phase of trying to call us by our first names anyway. At best (to show some cooperation with the authority) I would say I am mummy, mummy spideress but you can call me mummy :-) He ate all 3 fish fingers but rejected the slice of tomato and lettuce saying he did not like them. On the whole he did pretty well so was allowed ice-cream
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Post by spideress on Nov 13, 2013 20:28:18 GMT
In terms of brushing teeth, I agree with nomoretears - I had been told to anyway but Starlet did teeth as part of her keeping healthy topic this week at school and came home telling me off because I always rinse! She does spit and was told at school by the dentist that they should spit - but once they're done with brushing, they don't rinse off with water. Starlet hasn't had any issues with the toilet but my cousin did with her little girl at 3 or 4 - she found it helped reading books like "When Santa Claus needed a wee" or "whose poo is this?" Kids love the toilet humour and it just kind of "normalizes" talking about bodily functions! So pleased everything seems to be going so well :-) xx Thank you and thank you for the book ideas :-)
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Post by kstar on Nov 13, 2013 20:46:28 GMT
I agree you should be mummy from day one. I got some great advice from a line manager of SS. They said allow Starlet to call me whatever she liked, but always refer to myself as Mummy and make sure other people call me Mummy to her "ask mummy if that's ok... Are you going to sit next to mummy?... Etc. Starlet resisted calling me anything directly for about four weeks, but called me mummy to other people. The day she suddenly shouted mummy was absolutely magical :-) I really think everyone's persistence paid off. From the moment she said mummy, everything seemed to fall into place for her. It will happen in time :-)
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Post by spideress on Nov 13, 2013 21:26:29 GMT
Day 9
Thanks to the officious SWs we had a particularly long day today with over 50 miles and hours of it as travel. We were originally booked for 2pm-7pm with Incy at FC to have tea, watch his bath and watch his bedtime routine then put him to bed. HOWEVER from the "review" meeting yesterday it was decided Incy also needed time here today (since he came here 4pm-6pm last night) which meant me meeting Mr Spider from work at 10am and going to FC for 10.45am. We had a brew with her and then took Incy back to our house. He had a short playtime here and then we gave him his dinner which was 3 fish fingers, 1 slice of tomato, a few grapes, 1 leaf of lettuce chopped up. He ate all fish fingers and the grapes and one bit of lettuce but discarded the rest of the lettuce. he also refused the tomato. On the whole though he did well enough to get the reward of ice-cream with sprinkles.
We then had a visit to his new school and met his new school teacher and were shown around his class room and the school etc. I was REALLY impressed by the school and by the teacher in particular as Incy climbed their climbing frame and shouted "help help" and the teacher said you CAN get down Incy, just put one foot there and one foot there etc and he did it! He DID get down! She then encouraged him onto the fireman's pole and he resisted at first but eventually did it. So, from the outset she is not taking any messing from him and is developing his skills which sounds like a good school to me :-)
We then had a bit of playtime in the local park which had been on his You Tube clip which we made for him and he enjoyed seeing all the things in the pictures in his intro book which were in the park.
There was about 20 mins left to go home and have a small play-time again before getting him away to see the FC at night time for bath/tea/story and bedtime routine so we got through that and here I am now back at home.
He played up for us at bedtime wanting more than one story, turning the pages backwards so that the story would never end etc but eventually I took the book and said "sleep time" I was walking away at that point but Mr Spider has not got the "tough love" yet so it is down to me to control Incy in that way. When we did leave him Incy was heard to be crying for 10+ minutes but his FC sorted him out.
We have him 11am-5.30pm tommorrow with his SW coming for a visit on him.
I am falling asleep already so I think maybe 10pm to bed now :-)
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Post by knight on Nov 13, 2013 22:14:53 GMT
Wonderful, long days though, hey. It all sounds like things are moving in the right direction, apart from the 'powers that be' being a pain, hey ho. Hope you're not reading this and you're well on your way to sleep though !!!
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Post by spideress on Nov 13, 2013 22:39:49 GMT
Wonderful, long days though, hey. It all sounds like things are moving in the right direction, apart from the 'powers that be' being a pain, hey ho. Hope you're not reading this and you're well on your way to sleep though !!! Well bedtime got moved back to 11pm but that is my final compromise!
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Post by moo on Nov 14, 2013 7:27:24 GMT
Hey spideress what a marathon!!!
Well done with fish fingers.... Mine adore fish fingers.... I am lucky my two are great eaters but the one thing they are really not keen on is salad..... Especially tomatoes.... Love ketchup & pizza but hate hate hate real tomatoes!!! So well done Incy.....
All going great..... Hope to-day is better & s/w melts when she sees him at home & settled.... Hang in so nearly Monday...... Xx
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by spideress on Nov 14, 2013 22:30:12 GMT
Day 10
Apart from a trip to the post office to get a stamp on the way home from the FC we decided to keep him "here" ie "home" all day so we had him in the house for about 7 hours. We wanted to normalise him to the house and the fact we do not always go to parks or McDonalds or on trains or around garden centres etc but often we just stay at home.
He had a bit of playtime before dinner and I successfully introduced him to Ravioli (with his beans and sausage) which he liked. The whole dinner went well so he got ice-cream. After dinner we did a multitude of things. I want to help him with his concentration span so wanted him to watch the entire Gruffalow DVD all the way through. At first he was playing as he watched it but then came sat on my knee and between me and Mr Spider which was lovely. After the DVD ended he wanted it on again so every time he met an animal we paused it and he found the animal in the book he got for leaving school.
We watched a bit of Shrek then Mr Spider had 5 mins outside with him to play hop-scotch.
A bathroom trip resulted in me showing him his boats and him wanting to see if they floated which merged into a water play session in the bath which we moved to the sink to try to get him out/stop
Tea of pizza and peas went down a treat
The SW visit seemed OK to me but she said she wanted to see a calmer time ie going no where but just staying hom but we had so much planned into intros its not really possible.
I hope the above is coherent, I am falling asleep as I type right now and here it is.....10.30pm and I am just walking away from it all and going to bed.
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Post by happyone on Nov 15, 2013 0:29:55 GMT
This is beautiful and the day sounded magic sweet dreams mr and mrs spider less xxx
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Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2013 5:28:37 GMT
Not long now 'till Incy is home forever.
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Post by moo on Nov 15, 2013 6:17:36 GMT
Yay so pleased that you have had a day at home.... You are so right you need normality not going out all the time..... My two went thro a spell once settled when they really didn't want to go out they were happier staying at home indoors or playing outside.....
S/w worker sounds a real Pain with a Capital P.... She is clearly of the camp " I know best & will be finding fault whenever I can ".... This is impossible to deal with coz she really will be throwing her weight around!!.....
I would encourage you now based on her dotty comment spend most days at home from now on...
Incy sounds to be really doing well... Well done you for keeping him focused on the Gruffalo.....
Keep resting up.... Monday is only around the corner now.
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by spideress on Nov 15, 2013 6:42:35 GMT
Yay so pleased that you have had a day at home.... You are so right you need normality not going out all the time..... My two went thro a spell once settled when they really didn't want to go out they were happier staying at home indoors or playing outside.....
S/w worker sounds a real Pain with a Capital P.... She is clearly of the camp " I know best & will be finding fault whenever I can ".... This is impossible to deal with coz she really will be throwing her weight around!!.....
I would encourage you now based on her dotty comment spend most days at home from now on...
I have already told her our plans between now and Monday and she seemed OK with that as once he moves in on Monday apart from taking him to get registered at the doctor on Monday and having a dental appointment for both me and him on Thursday we intend to keep him "home based" the entire week as that is the first week he will be with us full-time and we need to calm things and both me and Mr Spider need to have some re-charge time. Today is a bit different in that the times we have him are the same ie I leave 10am to get Mr Spider from work and get Incy by 11am and home by 11.30am and leave 5.30pm or 6pm to get him back to FC as after a bit of playtime at home and dinner we are taking him to a trip I need to do which is pick up my records from my accountant and pay him etc but the accountant in on the way to a soft play area. So far we have not tried a soft play session with Incy so we want to see "how he does with that". This particular place is one we can follow him around and is full of inflatables so bouncy castles, bouncy slides etc. Depending on how long we spend there will be maybe a bit more playtime at home or a DVD then tea time then back to FC today. Saturday we have him from 9am-6pm so the longest day of all the times yet. We need to go to the IKEA near the FC as ours are sold out of what I want so will go there on the way home and let Incy have a go in "small land" and maybe a walk around the children's section then home for dinner and home based activity for the rest of the day until tea time then after tea back to FC Sunday, if the weather is nice, he has been asking all week to back to the part with Thomas the Tank in it and the shouty tubes (those ones you shout down one end and someone shouts back - he LOVES those) so we will go back on the way BACK to the FC........we get him at 9am again and bring him home first then maybe at about 1pm after dinner we will leave for that particular park as it is about half way to FC then let him have an hour or two there as we have to have him back to FC for 4pm for his "good bye" tea Monday we collect him at 10am and take him home forever
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Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2013 7:40:06 GMT
Word of warning Spideress, I think it might be a bit too soon to leave Incy in Small Land by himself.
It's different to soft play where you stay with him. and I personally think letting him go in here alone at this early stage is a bad idea. You would be better taking him round the store with you and DH. He can still play on the beds and sofas and in the kids department and still have fun, but with you instead of away from you, as he might feel you've abandoned him.
If you have items you need to get, then you could always split up, and one of you go and get them while the other plays with Incy round the shop.
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