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Post by spideress on Nov 15, 2013 8:00:41 GMT
Word of warning Spideress, I think it might be a bit too soon to leave Incy in Small Land by himself. It's different to soft play where you stay with him. and I personally think letting him go in here alone at this early stage is a bad idea. You would be better taking him round the store with you and DH. He can still play on the beds and sofas and in the kids department and still have fun, but with you instead of away from you, as he might feel you've abandoned him. If you have items you need to get, then you could always split up, and one of you go and get them while the other plays with Incy round the shop. I thought a parent stayed with the child in small land? Is the idea you are supposed to just "leave your child there and go shopping"? Can a parent not sit on the outskirts of it?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2013 8:43:30 GMT
No that's why I was concerned.
The idea is you drop your kid off there to play for an hour while you go and do your shopping. No adults apart from staff are allowed in.They take your phone no. and if your child needs you they phone you to come back. It's like a creche, that's why I didn't think it was a good idea to leave Incy there IYSWIM.
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Post by nomoretears on Nov 15, 2013 9:35:00 GMT
Our IKEA is the same as Jmk says - a crèche for the kids while you shop. I never use it, despite much pestering! My current LO loves the activities around the store though - ours has a special Christmas colouring area at the moment, plus toys at different points round the store. They also have a "cinema" area in the restaurant, plus a play area that parents can go in too.
It's good to read that you're doing some trips out that aren't fun, Incy based (ie trip to accountant) as this shows Incy how his "real" life will be.
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Post by spideress on Nov 15, 2013 16:28:19 GMT
No that's why I was concerned. The idea is you drop your kid off there to play for an hour while you go and do your shopping. No adults apart from staff are allowed in.They take your phone no. and if your child needs you they phone you to come back. It's like a creche, that's why I didn't think it was a good idea to leave Incy there IYSWIM. ah, I had no idea, I thought it was to entice customers into the store by allowing the children a free place to play for a bit and then the adults shopped as a "thank you".......just like many use McDonald's free toilets and then end up buying food...... So no Small land for Incy then he will come around the store with me and Mr Spider unless I leave Mr Spider in the children's area with him whilst I buy the one thing I need! Thank you xxxxx
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Post by spideress on Nov 15, 2013 16:30:04 GMT
It's good to read that you're doing some trips out that aren't fun, Incy based (ie trip to accountant) as this shows Incy how his "real" life will be. Thank you. This is why we have tried a small "no fun" thing every day of late..........a quick trip around Morrisons and a "no" to going on the ride at the end..............a quick trip to the post office to buy a stamp (I let him press it down on the letter though and post the letter in the red box outside!) and a quick trip to the accountant today. All little bits of things I "needed" to do anyway and to introduce him to normal life
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Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2013 16:36:52 GMT
Gosh Spideress you are sounding like a ....... Mum!! lol
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Post by spideress on Nov 17, 2013 23:28:18 GMT
Day 11 - Friday 15/11/13 - After going to pick up things from my accountant we took him to soft play of inflatable bouncy castle type things ie bouncy castles, bouncy blow up slides, things that blow out air and balls blow on top of the air etc. We bumped into Daisy's hubby Donald and Huey & Dewie which was nice as we said to Incy that Huey & Dewie were some of his new friends. Incy liked the environment and one of the MAIN good things about the day was that an older girl was kicking Incy on purpose and he said "I will just ignor her" to which I replied "not whilst mummy is here you will not" and I said to the girl "don't you kick my son" to which she looked "told off" and left him alone. I said to him "mummy keeps you safe"
We shared a pizza at soft play then went home for a bit of in the house playtime and tea then back to FC
Day 12 Sat 16/11/13 - This had an item of real breakthrough in it. We went to IKEA in the morning and let Incy turn all the lights on and off in the lighting department/play in the children's department etc and were there 2 or 3 hours. It was evident Incy needed to go to the toilet though he insisted that he did not (he is afraid of public toilets when with me or Mr Spider though with his FC and others he has had no problem with them). When with us he is afraid of the hand dryers and flushing sound of the toilet and all the other places we have been I have had real problems getting him to even stay in the cubicle with me as soon as someone else starts the hand dryer off he tries to open the door and he wont let me flush though I do flush after I have opened the door for him to get out. Well.........in IKEA....I took him to the toilet regardless of his protestations at not needing to go and once he had his wee I got him in the hand basin area and we saw a footstool just like the one we have for him at home (I got it from IKEA to give him the height he needs at the sink) so that was the first point of familiarity I could use with him so I said "oh look, a footstool just like you have at home and look a little sink" so he walked towards that and we managed a hand washing - it was right next to the hand dryer so I said to him........let's see how this works I know your FC says you are not afraid of it so let mummy try it out.......I made it "go" just a tiny bit then stopped then a bit more etc and then I had a brainwave.......I said to him "its just like the fresh air you were playing with on the bouncy castle yesterday where the balls blew in the air, it's just blowing fresh air on your hands to make them dry.......see if you can put your hand down there (I had my hands near the top making the dryer "go" and taking the full force of the blast so that down below my hand there was air but not as much air pressure etc". Incy put his hand under mine and said "I am not scared of hand dryers any more"...........so I will be reminding him of that next time we are in a public toilet!
Next I need to get him to flush or let me flush whilst he is still in the toilet cubicle!
We then had an IKEA hot dog with doughnuts and went home for some play/Tea then FC
Day 13 Sun 17/11/13 - We had said he could go the park with the miniature train again today if the weather was good but it was foggy so we had him home all day from 9am picking him up to 4pm taking him back as it was his party/goodbye tea with FC day today.
Mr Spider did some water play with Incy (Incy made us laugh the other day........I had done some water play in the bath (not bathtime) with him and then moved it to the sink to entice him out of the bath and the next day Mr Spider made the mistake of getting the water squirters down etc thinking Incy could just "look at" the squirters to see they were still there etc and he turned his head for a moment and when he looked back Incy had stripped naked ready to get in the bath to play!
After the water play I did some ironing whilst Mr Spider took Incy out to "wash" the car....Incy's idea of that is to rub a soapy sponge on two doors and its "done" :-). His FC friend had bought him a water gun so we let him squirt things all over the garden then squirt the car with it to wash the soap off.
We then had dinner here and had a DVD on in the background whilst Incy played with some toys.
We have found two good ways to get Incy to eat and drink (once he has slowed down from the original hunger/thirst). For drink we got him a curly straw in a lidded cup where you can see through it all and he LOVES sucking up the liquid to see it go up and into his mouth then the remainder going down the curly straw back. For the food we have found the "daddy look away" game useful. Mr Spider looks away and whilst he is not looking Incy puts a spoon of food in his mouth and when Mr Spider looks back he pretends to be baffled at how the food is disappearing with no apparent reason. I also found a good way to get him to leave things in IKEA alone is "oh look, a lift, quickly lets run to press the button before anyone else does!
We are tired beyond tired but have not laughed so much or even DONE so much as we have in the past 2 weeks. We now have Incy's toys in the house, his clothes hung up in the bedroom and tomorrow morning we bring him home forever :-)
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Post by moo on Nov 18, 2013 4:15:10 GMT
Yay spideress way to go!!...
Such pro's already...... Love the food magic.... Well done with the hand drier too great lateral thinking
So here you are.... Special special day.... Very emotional.... I just left quickly as it was hard on everyone's emotions baa & skweek couldn't wait they were very ready....
At least now you will be able to funnell & relax at home... Get down to 'real' life....
Was wondering how daisy & donald were.... Great that you will be able to keep in touch....
Congratulations..... Can't wait for everyday events in the spider household.....
Xx. moo. Xx
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soon2be3
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Married Adopter
Posts: 72
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Post by soon2be3 on Nov 18, 2013 4:30:30 GMT
Monday is here! Hope all goes well today
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Post by spideress on Nov 18, 2013 7:33:29 GMT
Thank you we feel accomplished, excited and anxious all at once
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Post by spideress on Nov 18, 2013 7:33:45 GMT
Monday is here! Hope all goes well today Thank you :-)
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Post by nomoretears on Nov 18, 2013 9:41:48 GMT
I woke up thinking of you all this morning Soideress! So excited for you x
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Post by spideress on Nov 18, 2013 12:46:22 GMT
Was I supposed to get his birth cert? I don't appear to be able to claim Child Benefit without it. I also do not have half the data for the form I need to get him registered at the doctor! They seem to be closing the gate after the horse has bolted!
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Post by nomoretears on Nov 18, 2013 12:55:04 GMT
SW should give you his birth cert but often they don't have one. Keep pestering!
Your doctors should register Incy with very little info if you're also registered there but might insist on him being "temporary" until info like NHS number can be provided. I've registered foster children with absolutely no data other than a name.
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Post by bumbleb33 on Nov 18, 2013 15:25:26 GMT
Was I supposed to get his birth cert? I don't appear to be able to claim Child Benefit without it. I also do not have half the data for the form I need to get him registered at the doctor! They seem to be closing the gate after the horse has bolted! I started looking into getting that sorted well in advance, the online form had a section for adopters as long as you can state who (FC) was claiming for child before you. I hope all goes well and admin doesn't get in the way of enjoying parenthood!
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Post by nomoretears on Nov 18, 2013 17:13:09 GMT
Was I supposed to get his birth cert? I don't appear to be able to claim Child Benefit without it. I also do not have half the data for the form I need to get him registered at the doctor! They seem to be closing the gate after the horse has bolted! I started looking into getting that sorted well in advance, the online form had a section for adopters as long as you can state who (FC) was claiming for child before you. Does this refer to the child benefit? If so, I just wanted to clarify that the foster carer wouldn't have been claiming it for the child as we're not entitled to it. Sometimes the birth parents still will be though!
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Post by spideress on Nov 18, 2013 20:42:56 GMT
SW should give you his birth cert but often they don't have one. Keep pestering! Your doctors should register Incy with very little info if you're also registered there but might insist on him being "temporary" until info like NHS number can be provided. I've registered foster children with absolutely no data other than a name. I am meeting his SW for a visit to his new school tomorrow so asked her for as much data she can get (told her what the form needed) and she said she would bring the info and bring his birth cert
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Post by pirate on Nov 18, 2013 20:47:14 GMT
Thank you Spideress Enjoyed reading your journey Inspires me while I wait for checks to be completed. Wish you and your hubby all the best fun and love for the next stage Pirate Xxxx
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Post by kstar on Nov 18, 2013 21:18:08 GMT
I got three copies of Starlet's birth certificate, I would recommend pushing for it as at one point all of mine were out (one for child benefit, one for passport and one for opening a bank account).
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Post by spideress on Nov 18, 2013 21:20:50 GMT
Day 14 - Moving in Day
All was going fairly smoothly until 5pm when it was tea time. I gave him nuggets and mushy peas (I know he likes chicken nuggets). I know he likes peas but was not sure if he would like them mushy. He refused to eat "anything" of it, said he did not like mushy peas (FC said she had never tried him with them) and the lack of ice-cream after wasn't a suitable "consequence". It was due to be bath/story/bed after - tea at 5pm with the hope of 5.45pm ish in the bath and 6.30pm out of the bath with a story and leave room at 7pm bedtime. The next consequence (since the lack of ice-cream was not working) was no bath toys in the bath and no story.......just a quick bath and straight to bed. He still refused to eat tea so we carried through with actioning the consequences. We actually think he was REALLY tired and was quite glad of "bed" as such. He was in bed at 6pm. I did forget to ask if he needed to wee before the bath and before I put his nappy on for bedtime (I will try to remember EVERYTHING at some point!) so he said he needed to wee when he was in bed at 6pm so I took him out, took the nappy off and let him wee then put it all back on again and back to bed.
Nappies do not seem to have instructions.........am I correct in thinking that the sides are some kind of velcro or something and they stick to the band with the pictures on it at the front of the nappy so can be fastened and unfastened multiple times?
It is the very first nappy I have ever put on (the FC demonstrated his routines using pull ups but told me to use nappies as they are cheaper) so if the bed is dry in the morning then I will know I managed to put the nappy on correctly........I did get it back to front the first time around even though I KNEW the duck picture was supposed to face forward!
Mr Spider and I sat downstairs with Incy in bed amazed that our son is in the house and that all that homestudy and stress etc has lead to this situation, our son at home in his bed!
I checked on Incy 90 mins after putting him to bed hoping he would be asleep but he was awake. I have been in constant touch by text with his FC all day and this is what I texted her so far "I just checked on him and he is not asleep yet 90 mins in. I said "mummy just came to check on you to make sure you are OK, were you asleep?" he said "yes" so I said "mummy will check on you later before mummy/daddy go to bed" He said "I want to sleep in your bed" so I said "no love, you sleep in your bed, go to sleep now mummy and daddy love you, night night" and left the room. I kept the light off and did it all in the dim light of my phone and kept it as calm as I could and stroked his head and gave him a kiss.
He kept saying that his FC will come pick him up tomorrow and I said "no love, you live with mummy and daddy now forever but the FC will come to see you very soon, in a few weeks time to make sure you are ok and happy and that mummy and daddy are taking good care of you" so he said "the FC will come the day after tomorrow for me" so I repeated the same answer and then he said "The FC will come on Sunday for me" so I repeated the same answer and he then repeated back to me what I said - words to the effect "I am not go to FC house anymore now I stay here". I expect we will have to cover the same "ground" again in the days to come. He needs a lot of repetition to be able to start to get his head around it.
So...........I will check on him at 11pm before we go to bed, I really hope he is asleep by then. This is such a hard time, so much change for him. I am worried for him but hope it all sorts itself out in the end.
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Post by spideress on Nov 18, 2013 21:26:10 GMT
Thank you Spideress Enjoyed reading your journey Inspires me while I wait for checks to be completed. Wish you and your hubby all the best fun and love for the next stage Pirate Xxxx Thank you :-)
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Post by spideress on Nov 18, 2013 21:27:28 GMT
I got three copies of Starlet's birth certificate, I would recommend pushing for it as at one point all of mine were out (one for child benefit, one for passport and one for opening a bank account). His SW is giving me it tomorrow but I think there is only one. I dislike the idea of an original having to go in the post but I guess I have to trust them. So far it only seems to needs to be for Child Benefit as working tax credit have not asked for it.
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Post by knight on Nov 18, 2013 22:03:21 GMT
Wahoo, the little guy is home......let's hope he is snoring his head off now. Poor little mite, he has had a lot to process.....it's so hard that they have to go through it, I know it's needed for permanency but hard and heartbreaking nevertheless, for him and of course for you two. Hope you get to enjoy the next few days and weeks, now that you're in control and get to have some lazy days at home with him x
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Post by spideress on Nov 18, 2013 22:11:06 GMT
Wahoo, the little guy is home......let's hope he is snoring his head off now. Poor little mite, he has had a lot to process.....it's so hard that they have to go through it, I know it's needed for permanency but hard and heartbreaking nevertheless, for him and of course for you two. Hope you get to enjoy the next few days and weeks, now that you're in control and get to have some lazy days at home with him x Thank you x
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Post by oogleschnook on Nov 18, 2013 22:21:42 GMT
Hi Spideress!
Congratulations, wow Incy asleep upstairs (hopefully!) I've really enjoyed reading your intros and about the start of the future! Good that Incy can talk about what's happening too, hopefully will really help him make sense of it all.
Few thoughts about meal times, looking back at my LOs first weeks at home, this is something I wished I'd handled differently.... Lots of battles and me getting very stressed and wanting them to eat plenty before pudding, especially if I knew it was something that they liked and should eat... Looking back I think they just needed to feel safe with us and believe that we would give them nice things and that a lot of the not eating was them trying to feel in control of something. When I stepped back, didn't make a deal of it, gave them lots of tomato sauce, pudding regardless (often something healthy like banana or yoghurt), they soon seemed to relax. They've great appetites now (and don't get pudding unless they've had a good try of the rest!) I tried to start as I meant to carry on but really wish I'd eased off to start with. (This may or may not be relevant to you and you'll know Incy best but thought I'd share my experience in case it was useful!)
Sounds like you're doing a great job. You'd better get yourself over to the adopters board now being a prospective no longer! Hope you have a peaceful week and can get some sleep OSx
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Post by happyone on Nov 18, 2013 22:26:36 GMT
Is he sleeping xxx more important are mummy and daddy xx
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Post by spideress on Nov 18, 2013 22:31:30 GMT
Hi Spideress! Congratulations, wow Incy asleep upstairs (hopefully!) I've really enjoyed reading your intros and about the start of the future! Good that Incy can talk about what's happening too, hopefully will really help him make sense of it all. Few thoughts about meal times, looking back at my LOs first weeks at home, this is something I wished I'd handled differently.... Lots of battles and me getting very stressed and wanting them to eat plenty before pudding, especially if I knew it was something that they liked and should eat... Looking back I think they just needed to feel safe with us and believe that we would give them nice things and that a lot of the not eating was them trying to feel in control of something. When I stepped back, didn't make a deal of it, gave them lots of tomato sauce, pudding regardless (often something healthy like banana or yoghurt), they soon seemed to relax. They've great appetites now (and don't get pudding unless they've had a good try of the rest!) I tried to start as I meant to carry on but really wish I'd eased off to start with. (This may or may not be relevant to you and you'll know Incy best but thought I'd share my experience in case it was useful!) Sounds like you're doing a great job. You'd better get yourself over to the adopters board now being a prospective no longer! Hope you have a peaceful week and can get some sleep OSx Thank you and thank you for the advice re: food
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Post by spideress on Nov 18, 2013 22:32:20 GMT
Is he sleeping xxx more important are mummy and daddy xx I am going in at 11pm to see if he is as that is when we are off to bed
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Post by happyone on Nov 18, 2013 22:33:56 GMT
Sweet dreams tonight xxxxx
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Post by flowerpower on Nov 18, 2013 22:37:43 GMT
Lovely intro diary I will miss reading them looking forward to reading what comes next xxxxx FP
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