Finally its happening

We met Special K this morning in the park. 

Simba is grinning from ear to ear,  I fear some plotting may go on down the man shed 🫣

I think it went as well as could be expected, I got a hug when we left him.  I have three meetings with him next week and then we will see how things go. 

I'm so happy for you Serrakunda, and I have to say I am inspired as well.  I have often thought I have enough for another child and as my now 15 year old AS begins his move towards independence and needs me less and less every day I am seriously considering the big 'what next?' question.  Even found myself starting a sentence with 'what would you think if ...' when my son finally woke up this morning.

Lots to think about and lots to sort out, but in a couple of years I could see myself posting something similar.  I hope it all goes well, and keep posting updates too.

things are moving apace.

big planning meeting today.  First sleepover on my birthday on 25 June. Target move in date 7 July.
really excited that we can take him on holiday with us. 

He is quite a character. He loves the allotment and we’ve already spent a bit of time down there. 

He has decided he wants to call me mum and has told me he is happy because he finally has a family

It feels very different to when Simba came home, but its also feels very positive and what I should be doing with my life right now.  Civil service feels like a another world and a lifetime ago. 

My last weekend of freedom this week, off to see Peter Gabriel on Saturday and Good Food/Gardners World on Sunday

So pleased it is sounding positive. It sounds like he is desperate for some security in his life.

How's Simba taking it? I'm glad they'll have a bit of time together before Simba goes off to Uni in September.

Hope the sleepover goes well.

All the best for tomorrow! Hope it's a wonderful family day :-)

indeed today is the day !

waiting for the grand arrival 

This is great news - good luck Serrakunda! 

This move must be so hard on the poor boy.

So glad he has you - and Simba - it's early days and it will take time for him to settle and feel at home.

Wishing you lots of sleep in the days to come so you can keep up your strength. Hopefully, the summer holidays will give him some time to start bonding with you. xx

Well done to you and Simba for being there for Special K. Such an adjustment for him and hard for you to hear those wails and parent through. But so positive for him that he reflected and came to you later for repair. Hope it continues to settle for you all and he can feel properly at home soon.

We have had a very up and down month, as to be expected, but the downs are horrendous.

He is very controlling, particularly around food, volatile with massive mood swings. Totally unpredicatable, his mood can turn on a hair.

We have just come back from holiday in Cornwall staying with friends.  He showed the best side of him, tried new food, swam in the sea for the first time, went for walks, no complaining or arguing, except for numerous mini strops aimed at me. 

There is much to like about him. Sadly he has had three colossal meltdowns where he has been agressive, threatened violence and spat in my face. He has used the most appalling sexualised insults and language.
He is a very traumatised young man,  I also strongly suspect ADHD.
Loopy Lu next door has been a god send,  Simba has really stepped up.

So we are frayed at the edges but still standing

That reminds me very much of our first few months - but mine were a younger primary age (although still capable of the sexualised violence and language). We didn't have a honeymoon period either.

Are you getting support/does Special K have any therapy? I'm glad you have Loopy Lu and Simba's support but it sounds like more is needed. Have his placements so far all been short term? When mine hot longer with me than they had in any other single placement, there was a shift. More of a belief it might be permanent.

Is he changing school this September as wellor is he already settled in somewhere? I hope so, it may help if he is someone for whom school is security and routine?

It does sound like very hard work. I hope life starts to settle a bit soon.

haha MrsBear - cant wait for school return.

so, on Friday, another confrontation over food again, he packed a bag and ‘left home’ .  He came back when I told him I would have to call the police if he ran away.

He is going into year 8, been at the school for a couple of years. I think the school staff are great, but its a special school for children with behaviorial issues so its not exactly a calm environment.  I dont think he is learning much. 
He was in the last residential place for over 2 years so has had some stability. 

The main issue is that he absolutely cannot handle not getting what he wants when he wants it. Emotionally he is about 7/8. No therapy at the momemt but I have made it clear to the SWs that urgent input is needed.

Cornwall showed me what a happy, lovely young man he could be. I will do my best for him but in my head there is a boundary that if crossed I will end the placement.  I will not be his punchbag - verbal or otherwise

Paddington hates the word no. Although he doesn't have issues with food thankfully.

Offering a positive choice and negative choice works well with him. So "you can carry on being grumpy/shouting/attempting to stand on your head on the sofa and you won't be offered pudding" or "you can calm down and be offered one'. Doesn't seem to make a difference to him which order he is offered the choices; although I've beem told with some children they need to hear the positive one first or vice versa. Gives them a sense of control while also trying to get them to self select the better route. (It did take me being consistent with this approach for it to bed in.)

I also find myself telling him "no" more often simply so he gets more practice. I've noticed anyone who knows his background tends to go out of their way to do or get things for him. Thing is at the moment he's a very cute infant school child. But I think getting everything he asks for is not the best training and I do expect it will drop off as he gets older; which I don't want to be a big shock/transition point. Is it possible this is in play for Special K? And would the ramifications of saying no more oten outweigh attempting to get him more used to it? I'm conscious Paddington is physically very easy for me to manage at the moment. It's a completely different prospect to knowingly say something that will upset a 12 year old when strictlyyou don't have to.

What is it about food that's really difficult for him? Or is it simply whatever you give is wrong because he has to control it or oppose you.

(Sorry by the way if I'm way off beam here and teaching everyone to suck eggs..... I just figured reflecting on my actual 7 year old's behaviours might help. But maybe also not.)