So many people here for the mid way review, Mummy and Daddy doing all care---except when she comes to me or OH, and the grandchildren called in very briefly after school to meet her new Mummy and Daddy (all planned and important for them)
Some very distressed episodes, and little eaten when out as a trio today.
Teatime only successful when OH spoon-fed her.
She didn't even like bathtime with M and D this evening, but is currently asleep after they put her to bed.
We know that it will be hard for her, but awful to see her confusion---though also rather amusing to watch her having her foot stamping, cup throwing tantrums, she is only just 2 after all.
Tomorrow we go out for the day, leaving the three of them in our house for about 7 hours, which is the precursor to her first visit to her new home on Thursday. This means that Mummy and Daddy are fully in charge of everything, but in her 'safe space'
So much of what you write Imp reminds me of this time a year ago when we were in Introductions to Sqk. Although from what his FC has told us since he actually adjusted fairly well to us. It is lovely to read this from the other point of view.
Full withdrawal day today. OH and I took the babies out for the day.
Mummy and Daddy took over completely, got GLO up, breakfast, dressed, then took her upstairs to have her teeth cleaned (which she loves) and played with her until we left
(slight problem, my car become sick, had to transfer car seats to OHs---after he tried for 15 mins to get mine started----has resulted in him talking about a new---er one for me, even pointing out one that I might like!!!)
Had a good day out, eventually, and even managed some C (sh) shopping.
As soon as we came home GLO came to us for a cuddle, then refused tea with parents (she had eaten a 'sure fire' meal at lunch time that I had left for her---something they will copy)
Some lovely interaction with our babes, then eager to go up for her bath with M&D, until she got there.
Fortunately they have observed her having a wonderful bath when I supervised, as she is refusing to even sit down for them. Obviously an issue for her, but one they will have to work through. I am sending the same style of bath mat, and an identical but new set of bath toys, so making it as 'normal' as possible, but interesting that she isn't even happy with them bathing her here.
She did settle quite well for them---was very tired, and we haven't head anything from her so far.
This is the point when she really does stop being OUR GLO, and becomes theirs, especially as they have taken many of her toys over the last two days, and we are packing the rest to take over tomorrow, on our first visit. We really don't need them here now as she will be at their home everyday until she moves, and what little time she has here she will enjoy playing with the babies toys.
How am I feeling? Tired, almost relieved that we have got to this stage as M&D won't be spending lots of time here now. Don't get me wrong, they are lovely, and have been really good with her, but it's good to have our house back again. A little down as she is a special LO, but that detachment has set in, and she is now theirs---just a little visitor to us for a few more days.
GLO and I went to her new home today, theoretically for 2 hours which somehow stretched to three.
Interesting journey, though fortunately OH and I had done a lot of research last night and I could visualise where I was going (road numbers mean nothing to me, I need visual directions!)
GLO was ready to go into the house and explore, then decided that she needed to explore the path outside with Daddy while Mummy and I took even more of her belongings into the house . She was really content to play on the ground floor, but would not go near the stairs, even holding Daddy's hand. Eventually I carried her upstairs so that we could all see her bedroom, and the bathroom---very important given her current aversion to them bathing her---and she was fine. I think that their stairs just look so different to ours, narrower and with a pronounced turn, so that she can't actually see the top of them from the hallway.
Then back home, no problem about leaving, but then I wouldn't expect there to be, as she will still be thinking that we are her family, and that these new people are just lovely people with the names Mummy and Daddy, who play with her and live in an interesting house---with toys like hers in it.
Everything just as normal at teatime and bedtime, she settled immediately.
This is always a strange day, as it is only half a day and there is the trip to the new house---which is momentous for me, interesting ( and important) for LO, but then back 'home' for an evening just as it used to be before these strangers started to visit.
Tomorrow morning will continue this theme, as we get her up, breakfasted, dressed etc and OH takes her over, spends half an hour or so there, then returns. She stays with M&D for the day and they bring her home after tea.
It is so important that we both visit with her, so that she has our 'permission' to move there, and she can associate us with her new home.
Going to bed now, the strain is really telling and I am t-i-r-e-d.
Is never an easy thing to do. but I do think that some of these little people just get under our skin more than others. I know the bbs did that for me which is partly why it was so hard to go thro everything I did, and I suspect that current bubs, squidge, may be another one. told him the other day i'm going to keep him forever! I know its not going to happen but he is a bubs I could see myself raising if the opportunity presented itself! and at 5 weeks old he's the youngest that I've been so besotted with! they usually grow on me, but squidge saw an opening and took it! not looking forward to him moving on, whenever that may be. hoping the move goes smoothly next week for GLO and yourselves imp.
foster carer for babies and toddlers, and also an adoptive parent.
A somewhat strange, even surreal day today, possibly partially as a result of my waking at 3.30 and not going to sleep again.
We have done nothing for GLO today.
Daddy came and got her up, supervised her breakfast, dressed her and they left---returning this evening with GLO in her pjs, and straight to bed
All as planned
So why have I been expecting her to be around at various moments in the day?
Almost all her belongings have been transferred to her new home---just the essential cot toys, wash things and a few newly laundered clothes to go on Monday (note to self, must not forget to include her Red Book) BTW, interesting thread on the subject of children's belongings and what they should take with them on the other board. My response will not come as a surprise to most of you.
The unreality continues when she is here briefly, with Daddy, as we have to acknowledge her, but try to be hands off---not easy, but so important, even when it comes to cuddles. I can see why some Adopters might see this as not caring--if only they knew.
Having said that, better for her to have a melt down while still here, so that she can be helped by Daddy to settle in the cot she knows.
Daddy gone home (to make the most of their last night as a trio) and GLO settled.
Gifts and card from us for GLO gone back with daddy tonight---saves confusion in the morning.
Just the very last things to pack first thing tomorrow, also have to prepare for elder boy to go to contact (not the easiest mum there----very picky) and also take him to his Adoption Medical in the afternoon. Then a birthday tea for our Grandson and sisters after school----so life goes on.
jmk, totally agree, it's also called 'saving our sanity'
I appreciate why in light of last year's case but still - if the threshold for ICOs has been met in similar cases previously, it's being met today so putting in an intensive support package is just going to cause more damage as you say because more often, the BPs can't make the necessary changes in the child's timeframe; very sad all round.
Gosh, another set of intros for you coming up so closely...! Hope you get a new LO soon x