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Post by sockthing on Mar 31, 2014 10:33:28 GMT
Aaaaarrrgghh. How do you get your kids dressed?. How long does it take you? I'm too embarrassed to divulge how long it's taken me this morning. I kind of gave up half way. Currently trying to to figure out how to tighten up our routine, less vague transitions etc. It's a routine that kind of evolved from day 1 of intros and never really changed. It's a definite routine, but the transitions between each bit are a bit slippery, and Kipper just zones me out so I may as we'll be talking to myself. Everything's like pushing treacle up a mountain at the moment. Its exhausting. Would be be interested to hear your tips for a successful routine.
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Post by chotimonkey on Mar 31, 2014 12:31:08 GMT
hi sockthing, we have a production line upstairs...
whatever time the kids get up (unless the are upset and obv we go and get them) no-one gets out of bed till 7.00 730 if i can push it later...
get curious george up, nappy changed and dressed, take him into girls room and plonk him on large teddy that he likes to roll around on. give girls two choices of clothing from wardrobe,they put bottom half stuff on and i help as needed and help with tops, bathroom - curious george's teeth then let him play with his toothbrush, both girls have a wee, and then take it in turns to brush teeth while i do their hair...then they run amok whilst i get dressed... i have a couple of bags of my stuff (bangles/ scarves/ shoes/ old make up brushes) that i dump on the floor whilst i get dressed... i'm v quick!(i know i should get myself sorted first before i get them, but i just don't want to get out of bed a nanosecond before i have to!) whilst they are all in production line mode there is not much tomfoolery as we do the same every morning...they also don't get to go downstairs until everyone is ready which seems to be a motivating factor...
pop them all in their chairs... give them a bit of fruit whilst i get cereal, warm up some milk and get packed lunches ready for nursery
8:10 into coats and shoes...8:15 out of the door...
(on late mornings i have been known to put george in his pj's into his coat and me in my pj's with long coat, long boots and a hat and we have had a bath and got changed when we got home)
squirrel went through a stage of being v picky about what she wore, during this we would choose clothes together in quiet time when she was calm and lay them out for the next day, that helped, if i did packed lunches and lay all clothes out the night before and got myself ready before they got up, we'd prob have v slick mornings, but i'm not naturally a pre-prepared kind of gal, howler likes to do every thing herself and it can take her 20 mins to put a pair of leggings on (think prince george in blackadder) so i let her have a go and get everything done around her, then ask if a toy can help, if she wants me to help so we can go downstairs to see mouse (a favourite toy who 'lives' downstairs for getting downstairs quickly purposes!
a friend has two sets pf toothbrushes, one downstairs and one upstairs, so once you are downstairs there is no to-ing and fro-ing...
which bit of getting ready is hardest?
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Post by donatella on Mar 31, 2014 13:13:12 GMT
Is it won't do or can't do?
We've always had issues with middly and getting dressed. He's 10 now and finally starting to do things for himself but with huge amounts of prompting/nagging/cajoling/pleading and, as a last resorts, bribery - although we prefer to call it a motivator!
On a weekend without the stresses of school he can do it. On a school day we've had to accept that he can't and so we make it as easy for him (and us) as possible.
We bring him into our bed where he has breakfast. Then we help him to dress. He cleans his teeth in our bathroom and he doesn't come downstairs until he's ready. Then he sits down with his motivator - the iPad - until the bus comes.
We've tried lots of other ways but for him this is what works. It's essential not to get him wound up or it'll all go txts up!! If we stay calm, then he stays calm. It's a pain but until he's out of the door you just never know how it'll work out. Plus, of course, it takes 20 minutes for meds to kick in - that has to be considered as well.
My other two pretty much sort themselves out with a bit of nagging!
I feel your pain. One good thing is that he's become coy and so insists on putting his own pants on!! Progress.
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Post by sockthing on Mar 31, 2014 13:50:59 GMT
Oh Choti - I am in AWE!! I don't think you can claim to be bad at pre-preparing! You would just laugh if you saw us I think.
Donatello, I had a feeling you would understand! Always good to hear how unconventionally other people manage to make things work! Can't do or won't do. A mixture I think. He can put his pants and trousers on by himself no problem as long as no buttons. I think it's less a motorskills issue and more can't do in the sense that he can't concentrate, or forgets what he's doing halfway through. Even with me constantly chivvying him.
Which bit is hardest?? HMMMmmmmmm....
Well, I have trouble getting him to see the need to be dressed, for a start. He frequently has shed most of clothes by the end of the day, so I guess he just doesn't like clothes much. Today I just gave up and let him play in nothing but underpants for an hour mid routine!!! I have to say normally I try very hard to keep the routine moving along but I just flaked today.
He won't listen or can't hear me , sometimes he is genuinely just completely absorbed in his own head and doesn't tune in to my voice. I have to say things to him 4 times before he registers I'm speaking to him. And then he doesn't feel the need to reply, so I have to say it again and ask him to tell me if he's heard me! He's not always like this but he has phases, of which now is one. (Ironically he'll be talking incessantly to himself in a loud voice all this time!)
Then, he'll suddenly realise mummy means business and sort of "come to" with a start and a "ooh yes, sorry mummy!" And skip willingly towards the bedroom/bathroom but when he gets there he will either distracted by something en route, or when he gets there seems to totally forget why we are there. He just wants to PLAY PLAY PLAY PLAY....
to be be faiir to Kipper, I need to get a grip. Like Choti, I know it would be better and tighter if I made sure I was up and dressed before him, but that means getting up a whole 30 minutes earlier to fit round DH, and I'm so knackerred all the time and I struggle to do this.
I've wondered about a visual timetable but I don't think he'll be interested in looking at it. Wondered about buying one of those visual timers that show the time vanishing and using in conjunction with an incentive. I instigated one tv programme as a reward which worked well for a while but now it's just part of the routine so he feels he gets it no matter how long he takes, so I need to either withdraw it or set a time limit I guess.
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Post by donatella on Mar 31, 2014 14:10:37 GMT
The thing that stands out is the fact that you're repeating requests/instructions. As we all do. But that can be too much, too many things to take in. My son is exactly the same. When I did early bird they explained that it can take 10 seconds for a child to process an instruction - even if it's done in 2 words. I timed middly. 15 seconds. I gave the instruction, didn't repeat myself and he did it. But it's so blxxdy hard to do that because your instinct is to say it again. And again. But then it's too many words, too many things to think about.
Then you have the sensory stuff with clothes which adds to the stress. Pants are okay, socks are a pain. Regardless of how cold it is they're off as soon as he gets home from school.
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Post by donatella on Mar 31, 2014 14:12:56 GMT
Ps - I'm rubbish at not repeating myself! !
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dinky
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Post by dinky on Mar 31, 2014 16:04:33 GMT
DS can take hours to get up and dressed as he too can't concentrate long enough and gets distracted. I wake him and then basically hand him items of clothing to put on one at a time and refuse to be drawn into conversation too (not that I am up for conversations that early and before at least one cup of coffee ). I find that I give one word commands on school mornings and also accept that I will have to tell him to go and do his teeth at least 3 times before he actually manages to make it to the bathroom. As well as the command "teeth" I also repeat the commands "eat", "shoes", "coat" etc. and until he is ready for school he is not allowed to do anything else (i.e. play with anything or watch TV). Everything is done in the same order every school morning (bit like a military operation) and I am lucky as DD is able to sort herself out with only the occasional prompt about the time ticking away! DH manages himself too Dinky
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Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2014 17:27:03 GMT
How about that well know much used form of parenting called bribery. When you are dressed/brushed your teeth/hair or whatever you can have 15/30 minutes on the tablet/i-pad/TV. Then you can use this reward time to run around and get yourself ready. Seems to work for most kids I know.
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Post by sooz on Mar 31, 2014 18:21:51 GMT
Ah mornings..... How I love 'em!
Ds couldn't get from the top step of the stairs to the bottom without forgetting what he was supposed to be doing or getting distracted along the way! He's nearly 8!
I still dress him on school mornings, and am trying, at the possible loss of my sanity, to get him to do it on weekends by himself. I think I posted the other week that I allowed him an hour before we had to leave, his clothes were laid out, all he had to do was put them on, and we were still late leaving. 4 items of clothing.... Pants, socks, trousers and t shirt. Over an hour!
I've seen him put his clothes on in 30 seconds flat with the threat I was going out without him! I don't like doing that though, kind of buys into his fears.
I try to count before repeating instructions too, but it's ooh so hard.
The other morning, once ds was in the bathroom, I repeated the instruction 'teeth' 17 times. He was actually stood at the sink! Drives me bananas!
In all honesty, my most productive, stress free mornings are the ones where I just do it all for him. He just doesn't seem capable of doing it.
I feel your pain xx
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Post by pingu on Mar 31, 2014 18:27:33 GMT
Ds2 generally awake and has breakfast about 8 then dressed and goes to school himself now. But if he is tired he refuses to get up , or refuses to dress, and has to be reminded that, if he doesn't go, and on time, we will have to tell school why, and leave it to them. This has always worked so far....... We can do this because we once mentioned the reluctance and the head teacher, who said to say this, she told us that she was asked by another parent to speak to a girl with the same issue, and she did, and the girl was embarrassed and never did it again!!!! It can sometimes be very close to bell time though, by the time he has stopped making a fuss and accepted he must go. Hubby has had to give him a lift on a few occasions. Luckily ds2 likes school or it would be a nightmare.
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bigredbus
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Post by bigredbus on Mar 31, 2014 18:42:29 GMT
Visual timetable prominently in place in room. Occasionally glanced at by her, but more there for me and in the hope that one day she may do have a go at dressing.
thought of school too stressful - so we take path of least resistance.. I dress her everyday
i get all the clothes out and dress her - generally like dressing a rag doll...
used to try and get her to do it... She screamed, i nagged... Everyone got more and more wound up...
was awful.
at times i feel pathetic that i dress a perfectly capable 9 year old... Weekend, you say the word park and she's dressed in 20 seconds...
but school is too stressful and as advised by therapist we don't fight this battle... Anything that makes the day a little more bareable is worth it... She can and does tantrum for England,( Ireland, wales and Scotland,) so I try not to provoke her unnecessarily...
it does frustrate me at times, but have to accept that me doing thus does reduce likelihood of a rage, so in my opinion is worth it...
hoping at some point she will start to do things herself, but for now I calmly dress her, praise her if she makes any attempt (on a good day, she might even lift an arm and has on occasion made contact with a button!) at 'helping' the proceedings along but my expectation is that she won't do a thing. Minimal expectations.. Everyone knows where they stand and you can't get disappointed.
would never have believed this would ever have been necessary pre-adoption... Would have laughed my head off and said that anyone who dresses their capable 9 yr old is crazy or just letting them win and should get a grip!
... now i live on planet adoption, i realise that "shoulds" need erasing from my vocab and very often, you just do whatever it takes to get through the day without losing the will to live.
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Post by sooz on Mar 31, 2014 18:57:21 GMT
"would never have believed this would ever have been necessary pre-adoption... Would have laughed my head off and said that anyone who dresses their capable 9 yr old is crazy or just letting them win and should get a grip! " Hahaha. Glad it's not just me!
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Post by sockthing on Mar 31, 2014 19:03:47 GMT
Interesting. Is obviously a flashpoint for many of us! I will grit my teeth and not expect much improvement for many years Thanks jmk, I did have an "incentive" in place ( one tv programme allowed) but the effect has worn off now, so I now feel I need to change the incentive, or use the incentive as a consequence/punishment. Eg not dressed by x time then no tv. I have done this before but he still hasn't got the message. I find this with kipper - things work for a time and then just stop working. Either that or they just don't! Sooz. yes yes yes. That sounds like Kipper to a tee! I have to say threats and furious voice work better than incentives often, but I don't like doing those. I have to say, that yes, I am still dressing him, but even that is not helping because he can't/won't cooperate. He can't concentrate in what we are doing, he can't stand still long enough to get one leg into his trousers, even if I am guiding his leg in he still twists and fidgets in the spot, causing him to fall over, or he leans right over onto me and treats me like a climbing frame and starts climbing down my back, legs akimbo, all the while I'm struggling not to let the one trouser leg that's on slide right off again!! He twist around to try and play with toys, so I try and do it in the bathroom, but in there it feels a little dangerous as there are so many things to bump his head in while he wiggles and wobbles. I do wonder about his understanding of cause and effect, and I do wonder about whether he has postural or motors kills issues in that he struggles with standing and walking but can run and jump easily. Donatella - that's fascinating, I will try that. Though it will be challenging as I do find it hard to tell if he has even heard me speak, especially as he keeps up a loud verbal running commentary of his own.
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Post by donatella on Mar 31, 2014 19:18:05 GMT
Middlys recently been statemented. As part of the process he was assessed by comm paed. We discussed his poor listening skills so she referred him to audiology. Guess what? He can hear perfectly! As I knew. If I'm talking about him to someone and he's in another room he can repeat that conversation to me! The other thing we were told to do - other than sharp, short instructions - was to start with his name so that (in theory) you got his attention and give the instructions in the right order. So 'shoes on, we're going out ' ratter than 'we're going out now so can you please go and put your shoes on'. Too many words and they'll only remember part of what you've said. Also try not to say 'don't'. We have issues with littly running off so I try to say(well yell) WALK rather than DONT RUN. She only hears the RUN bit.
All good fun eh!!
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Post by chotimonkey on Mar 31, 2014 19:19:18 GMT
If i made it sound like we are v together in the morn, we aren't... It just has to be broken down into very tiny achievable baby steps... With many small incentives along the way... And complete repetition... We do a lot of key word repetition too. Dressing them on the odd day when we get a lie in and dh is home and we have breakfast in their pjs and then have to get them back upstairs to get dressed is hideous... We've used a lot of of soft toys going down sleeves And trouser legs to encourage the appropriate limb to follow and getting them dressed when they are only just awake and not ready to resist works well too.. We always try to identify something in the day that they are looking forward to that they have to be dressed to do... Choosing what goes into their lunchboxesz is quite a motivator Good luck
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Post by sockthing on Mar 31, 2014 19:56:12 GMT
Yes,Dona...I don't believe there is anything wrong with k's hearing either...he can hear the tiniest of noises and just like middly we have to be careful what we say if he is in another room. I just think he tunes me out, either because he can't help it, (audio processing probs maybe) or just as likely because it's convenient!! I do say his name first but it makes no difference and I stopped because I decided to save his name for either urgent things (eg danger) or in a nice context...as opposed to just preceding nagging!
Choti, thanks yes - you know...we currently do this:
Come down in pjs, Play with daddy before daddy leaves for work (they worship each other so nothing I can do to change this bit!!!!) Breakfast 10 min play Go back Upstairs - if I'm not already dressed then he plays while I shower and dress at lightning speed. If I'm already dressed we just do him Then wash, teeth and dress Kipper Then 1 tv as reward.
I do keep thinking I need to rearrange the order of the above, interesting that you and others say that it's easier to do it all without coming down.
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Post by sockthing on Mar 31, 2014 19:58:30 GMT
I do feel how have I made such a meal of something so simple.
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Post by donatella on Mar 31, 2014 20:20:00 GMT
Sockthing, I've been doing this for 9 years with middly, 12 plus with bigly and 7 plus with littly and still feel like I'm groping around in the dark half the time. Middly, despite everything, can be the easiest. Littly drives me bonkers with her incessant drivel (I know she can't help it!!),her picking, her attitude, blah blah ..... then we have the almost 13 year old who's rude, obnoxious, argumentative, frequently smelly and who's a smart axxe.
At 9 on Friday night I took the dog for a looooong walk in the rain. It was either that or screaming at them all!
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bigredbus
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Post by bigredbus on Mar 31, 2014 20:26:15 GMT
I resisted strongly altering my own 'routine' but therapist was right.. I need to be showered / dressed and ready for battle before her little head was raised from her pillow...
i used to take the view that i needed to prioritise getting her ready, then throw clothes on at last minute.
now am up and dressed before her... Took some getting used to, but it is better now I'm used to it.
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Post by milly on Mar 31, 2014 20:41:39 GMT
Oh ladies, you make me feel like I have it easy (ha). But we have had some dressing issues - not to the extent you are all saying tho. Dd1 didn't like being left upstairs alone when younger (not out of fear, just liked attention!) I would just go down but not let her have breakfast till she was dressed. Worked like a charm but....getting her to get anything else ready was hard going, so tv was the carrot for that. Now at 13 she can mostly get everything ready herself, with the odd prompt.
Dd2 is very capable but is stubborn on a school day and will insist we stay in her room as she dresses. Dh does on "his" mornings, I don't so cajole and pop in and out. But she won't put shoes on or jumpers before breakfast, and is easily roused to anger in the mornings so I assess her mood before insisting on anything different. The day I take her to school I have the advantage it is "show and tell" day. She can't bear not to take something, so I use that as the threat, sorry, carrot!
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Post by esty (archive) on Mar 31, 2014 20:53:26 GMT
If he's so keen on daddy could he not have to dress his bottom half before he goes down or his top half? Then when downstairs stand in hallway with little distraction to get the rest dressed when daddy has gone? For me I'd possibly have a different award each week. It can also sometimes work if you say and repeat what they are doing - I am putting my arm in my sleeve, I am putting my arm in my sleeve, my head goes in the hole, my head goes in the hole, I have put my t shirt on, I have put my t shirt on, etc. They use this in conductive education and follow the same pattern and same words every time and it can be a relaxing and learning way of doing things.
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Post by leo on Mar 31, 2014 21:11:42 GMT
Well, our mornings (and bath time) can be pretty hideous but over the last few years we've worked out what works best for us:
6:30 the boys bound into my room (if I'm lucky!) We have a little snuggle and they then have a drink of water from a toddler 'sippy cup' that is hard work to drink from, along with a chewy snack of dried fruit - both designed to get their muscles going and reduce some of the tension. I then read two pre-chosen stories (one each) while we sit together in my bed. They have a chance to have a spin on the special chair in my room before dressing if they need it (sensory issues). We sometimes do some 'wall pushes' on the way to the bathroom too - helps to get rid of some of that tension build up and make them more relaxed for the 'stress' of getting dressed.
7:00 ish one child stays snuggled in my bed looking at the two books (or throwing them depending on the mood for the day) while I lead the other by the hand into the bathroom - this bit is vital! No hand holding = Hurricanes and Tsunamis scaling furniture and attempting new bedroom layouts aided by the use of UFOs - that can later be identified as items from their room!
All clothes are laid out the night before (while they are in the bath) and put on the bathroom shelf ready for the morning. At weekends, they get a choice between two tops, all else is chosen for them. We used to get dressed in their bedrooms but this had too many transitions and too many flashpoints. We don't come out of the bathroom until they are dressed.
I am still at the stage of doing it all for them - partly for sanity and partly for attachment/nurture - so I give a quick wash then help to put on clothes and brush their hair. That child is then walked back to their own bedroom and settled with a book or their soft toys before I go and repeat the routine with their brother ('settled' is obviously a cover-all term!)
I did have a visual timetable and it worked quite well as a prompt for what part of the routine came next in the early days (now I think we all know it well enough to do in our sleep). It wouldn't have worked for us as a reward chart. I have at times - particularly with Hurricane as he is a whirling dervish and hates the sensory stuff about getting dressed/undressed - used a timer. Not as a reward or a consequence really; more as a 'this is how much time I will spend helping you on it, after that you do it yourself or you stay as you are for the rest of the day'. That actually worked well - but he is much older and walking away is usually a fairly safe option.
7:30 the child whose 'first day' it is either gets to play downstairs (with a limited choice) or if not settled then brings a toy up into his bedroom to play with. Other child has to read books on their bed. I have a quick shower - usually with several interruptions and often with one child ending up sitting on the floor of the bathroom to help them feel safe/keep calm. I can't get up and dressed before them as Tsunami is quite often awake at 5:00 and I couldn't manage that!
7:50 ish we all go downstairs. There is no going downstairs until they are dressed - partly as an incentive to get a move on, partly to cut out transitions.
8:00 breakfast - usually together, sometimes we need separation to be able to manage it. Lunch boxes, snacks, water bottles etc all prepared the night before (as is breakfast - all laid out ready for the morning)
8:20 clean one child's teeth (downstairs) while the other gets out a family game to play (or strops, screams, jumps on the worktops...) then swap. Teeth are sadly sometimes left as it's really not worth the battle.
8:25 if we can manage it, we play a game together before school - as we are coming to the end of the game I send one chid to the toilet when they have just had their turn (the incentive to not mess around is that they'll miss their turn). The one who has already been to the toilet then goes to put on school shoes when the game is over, while the other one goes to the toilet. I try and get one out of the door and into the car before the other gets to the shoe rack!
8:40 leave for school
Of course, that's if it all goes to plan!
The sensory stuff recommended by the OT has been really useful and helped hugely with dressing. A lot of what I do is still really hand-over-hand so this helps to reduce the possibilities of off task behaviours; they can still be like eels though and at times slip through my hands and dash off around the house!
I do limit chat/language and make things very simple - although singing a lullaby can sometimes help ease tension (from me) and they can be less 'combative' with a rhythm to work to. I try not to repeat but will prompt sometimes with 'I know you've heard me so concentrate and get it done'. I find that an occassional surprise reward of 'You've done that really well today, how about...' works much better for us as they seem able to accept a one off thing.
Something else that works quite well when things are really tricky is for me to be getting dressed at the same time - so we are doing it in tandem and I can say 'Your socks now or Mummy's socks first?' to give a pretence of choice!
If it's any reassurance, I am sometimes so exhausted by the time we get to the car that I just have to sit for a minute before I turn the engine on!
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Post by sivier on Mar 31, 2014 22:29:55 GMT
My daughter can take A.G.E.S to get herself dressed. She actually cried today after her gym class when I asked her to pop her socks on (funnily enough they are the things that she struggles with the most...).
What works quite well is tapping into her competitiveness... So some mornings I'll say 'I'm going to get dressed and will be a wee bit quicker than you I should think' - the next thing I know she's in her bedroom racing to get all her school uniform on (all laid out for her). Okay, so the tights or vest might go on the wrong way round now and then but she gets there. Or, she likes me to count out loud while she's getting dressed (but not watch her) so I'll be making our bed or putting laundry away in my bedroom whilst occasionally yelling out a number. Miraculously, she manages to do things in one second or half a second less time than the time before, so usually tries to beat her own time... ;-)
Often though i end up just bringing her clothes down and dressing her myself in front of the TV, which she can watch after she's had her breakfast at the table. I'm trying to change the balance of how often I do this, but sometimes it's just not the battle to pick that day.
Once they start school though, they are meant to be able to get themselves changed for PE, which AD can actually do. It's more a case of her wanting me to do it for her.
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Post by moo on Apr 1, 2014 5:29:22 GMT
Wow.... Such an amazing array of solutions.... Still in awe of choti keeping her guys contained until 7am.... Genius!!!!
Since baa & skweek have had their tablets the Jmk method is tops here!!!!
Mind you I have to lay out their clothes & of course items are always invisible & can never be found ( especially those right in front of said dresser!! )
Great Post!!
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by littlemisscheerful on Apr 1, 2014 9:09:47 GMT
I agree that what works one week, doesn't work the next, - they like to keep us on our toes! I never used a visual timetable- but always suggst it, because I think some kids can really benefit - and it might help you keep on track. Things that have helped me are: After this we are doing x. Then asking them 'what are we doing next?' Saying their name and waiting for a response before talking. If no answer, go to them, bemd down - I sometimes found clapping often got their attention better than talking. Transitions were always hard and time consuming. When they were little i woud take their clothes downstairs to get dressed. Choices - this top or that one. Which sock first. (Try and make it fun). Get dressed together (doesn't work if you need to dress him, but otherwise a race to who can get their pants on first). As soon as we are dressed we can do/go x. My dd were probably both dressing themselves at 4, but then regressed and I was helping them for years, probably til 9/10. Now ok. 1 thing i did with my yd who has trouble focussing (!) is that I made a laminated cat (her fave animal at the time). I made it a laminated outfit to match her school uniform (each piece was velcrod) and as she got dressed, she dressed her cat. This worked really nicely. She was probably 7 or 8 then. Mine are now fully able to dress themselves (and even will check the airer if they can't find something in the wardrobe) - so there is hope!
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Post by sockthing on Apr 1, 2014 9:17:48 GMT
Wow Leo You deserve a medal!!! Not surprised you sit in the car before turning the ignition...I do that too. The sensory stuff you describe is interesting. I haven't had a detailed OT assessment yet, and this reminds me that I should think about it. I sat in the car for 5 minutes today before leaving nursery after drop off - though mainly because the handover was hard. Increasingly clingy with me in a silly way, pushing against me, closing his eyes and doing fake snores which is his way of trying to dissociate or disengage, hanging and swinging off me. He spent the entire morning routine alternately whining and crying saying he didn't want to go feel very guilty leaving him there! Anyway thats by the by. I got got the clock off the mantelpiece today and showed him the big hand and said if you can get washed and dressed before it reaches here then you can have tv. He loved that!! He made me show him 3 times, and we put it next to the bathroom so he could keep looking, and I used it to keep reminding him. He was washed, dressed, and teethed in 12 minutes!!!!! We also took everything downstairs and did it there. Still late ate for nursery though as I had the usual rigmarole of having to chase him to physically catch him and out him in the car.
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Post by sockthing on Apr 1, 2014 9:21:45 GMT
I tried the counting before I repeated myself this morning, to give him time to process. .....nothing. NOTHING!!
I think the difficulty is he doesn't tune into my very first words, isn't aware of me even speaking to him, so to then wait is pointless because he hasn't registered me at all. ...he needs to be aware of me speaking at all before he can even begin to process what I've said. I've tried touching him on the shoulder but that doesn't help. Sometimes help if I gently lift his chin with my hand.
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Post by donatella on Apr 1, 2014 9:22:23 GMT
I was thinking about this in relation to my son and daughter this morning. He's a definite 'can't do' because of all the stresses that mornings bring. It's clear when looking at his totally blank expression that he's not taking things in.
On the other hand my daughter is a definite 'get stuffed I'm not doing it' girl. It's not stress, it's not inability to listen or take it in. It's clear defiance with her. She's not blank, she hears, she listens and then defies. So this morning when she thumbed her nose at me and said boo when I asked get to stop sliding around the floor in her school tights, I took her kindle away. Cue lots of facial expressions and cracked knuckles - her way of threatening me.
Both asd dx, both so very different.
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Post by littlemisscheerful on Apr 1, 2014 10:50:43 GMT
Mine are similarly different. YD is what we call ditzy. Completely unaware of everything around her. Usually compliant, and when she isn't it is usually sensory related. She needs you to get her attention, give her short instructions and a bit of chivying (can't tell the time, has no concept that if she farts about for 10 mins she's then got 10 mins less to get ready). ED is very slow to process (2nd centile), but also oppositional. With her, I need to make sure she has everything she needs then bite my tongue to stop myself from telling her to hurry up. She came to the kitchen at 7.40 this am, wrapped in a blanket. Sat for 5 mins before getting her breakfast ready. Then laid down to chat to the dogs - we leave at 8.10. She still managed to get ready in time (and left my mothers day card on the side without me noticing). So again, both ASD, both very different. Sockthing with the not hearing, have you looked into listening therapy? Also, I remember it being recommended for kids who don't listen to try talking very quietly. It didn't work with mine, but might be worth trying. Saying something completely mad and unexpected did sometimes help. I think what also helped was using the same phrases almost like a script. My ED used to get stuck, - if I moved her physically it seemed like it kick started her brain into working again.
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Post by pingu on Apr 1, 2014 19:00:00 GMT
bigredbus and sooz - re dressing 9 ( now 10) year olds, that makes three of us! In ours case though, it's mostly a wish to be nurtured, and if he is tired or fractious then it is quicker because he gets clumsy. Now 10 and a half here, but fortunately mostly doing it himself now.
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