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Post by bumbleb33 on Nov 26, 2013 18:24:10 GMT
Hi Everyone,
I'm keeping up with my blog but thought I'd copy it here too for anyone who is interested:
So, the day finally came, after 15 months since starting the adoption process and many more years before that of trying for children. We met our little boy.
This morning we were both at work, keeping busy and saying our goodbyes. Lunchtime involved a quick trip to the local GP to find out about Health Visitors (last minute request from SW) before going to the planning meeting. This took about an hour of going through paperwork, but was fairly informal and initial nerves began to disappear before reappearing at the end when we realised it was time to go meet our little one!
As we walked up to the drive of the FC's house it felt ever so strange and as we were taking off our shoes I caught the first glimpse of this little face looking up at us. We sat down and just allowed little bee to wander round with his Nana and foster family around him. He didn't come near us at first but did keep looking over. We were wearing the same clothes he has seen us wearing in his welcome book, so maybe he recognised us from the photos. After a while he sat on FC's knee next to us and kept looking over and gave us the odd wave.
I must admit it did not feel like love at first sight, although I am sure this will come with time. The pictures we have of him are two months out of date so of course he has changed. I think I am adjusting to the fact that he's not any old little boy, but OUR little boy.
We stayed for just over an hour and left as bee dropped off to sleep on his FC's lap. It felt quite surreal to be honest, but I know feel more excited than nervous about the days to come, having got over that initial meeting with bee and his foster family.
Now having a very quiet relaxing evening so we'll be fresh faced for spending the whole morning with him tomorrow.
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Post by knight on Nov 26, 2013 18:36:18 GMT
Oh lovely bumble, can't wait to hear the rest of your intro diaries. Enjoy the slightly calmer evening after being so busy today and make the most of it, enjoy
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Post by taliesin on Nov 26, 2013 19:57:41 GMT
Hi Bumble.....surreal's right isnt it!! What a tiring day for you though, having to go to work first.....hats off to you missus !!!! Hugs to you for tomorrow xxxxx
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2013 20:19:35 GMT
Looking forward to hearing more about your little bee tomorrow Bumbleb.
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Post by nomoretears on Nov 26, 2013 21:21:39 GMT
How lovely! Great idea about the clothes - I'll nick that for my next set of intros if you don't mind!
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connect4
Bronze Member
Married Adopter
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Post by connect4 on Nov 26, 2013 21:39:43 GMT
Lovely to hear about your first intro day, and looking forward to more news to come
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Post by happyone on Nov 26, 2013 21:48:02 GMT
I love intro diarys well done xxxx
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Post by bumbleb33 on Nov 27, 2013 18:11:48 GMT
Thanks everyone. Day 2 was great!
We went to FC's house at 9am and sat on the floor with little bee and his toys, but he was quite clingy to FC and her husband and constantly going to them for the first couple of hours. This, of course, is understandable as he barely knows us, plus he is getting over a cold so needing extra comfort. However, he was constantly looking over to us and after a while let us play with him. He had a good long nap and then perked up considerably for lunchtime. I sat next to him, picking up his food which was hilarious for him when he realised he could chuck things and I'd pick them up! He then let me feed him his yoghurt which he absolutely loved and pulled the most delightful faces. After lunch he let me pick him up out of his high chair and hold him for a short while. We realised that we had gone over the time we were supposed to leave and were going to head off when he crawled over to me and pulled himself up, asking to be held, then happily sat on my lap! This was just the best feeling ever to know that he know feels comfortable with me. Then he got down and went over to hubby for a cuddle. It was so wonderful to watch. We ended up staying another 45 minutes and in that time he crawled up to me twice asking to be picked up. I must admit that when I was putting him down at one point his cheek caught my knee and he started to cry but was happy to stay in my arms and be comforted by me, which helped to assuage my feelings of guilt for accidentally knocking him.
We didn't want to leave as things were going so well but the FC had things to do and we'd already stayed well over an hour longer than was planned. We got a little wave from little bee and headed on our way with great big grins on our faces and even welling up a little.
The rest of the day was spent stocking up on baby goods before coming home for a well deserved relax. We can't wait for tomorrow morning now, I just hope things keep going the way they were today.
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Post by moo on Nov 27, 2013 18:40:21 GMT
Oh wow bumble33.... Somehow managed to miss this yesterday Crazee coz I just lurve intro diary's.....
So here you are your turn at last!!!!.. Sounds brill he is just so inquisitive... Just how you need him to be ....great well done.... A joy to read that he came over for his cuddle... Must have sensed you were getting edgy coz you were about to go & hey presto he managed to delay you.... How joyous!!
Bet you have swallowed a whole swarm of butterfly's isn't it just the crazeeest of feelings!! Try & rest it is gonna be sooo full on it will take your breath away.... I remember oh so well our intros I spent the whole time grinning like the proverbial cat.... I just could not stop it was the best of times & feeling oh so scared but oh sooo happy.....
Enjoy & congratulations.....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by daisy1985 on Nov 27, 2013 22:06:25 GMT
Congratulations bumble, mr bumble and bee!
Can't wait to hear more of your intros, relax, fit in you time and lots of sleep! Boy you'll need it it's taking me back!
Daisy x
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Post by annie70 on Nov 27, 2013 23:41:14 GMT
Hey Bumble - Your posts made me cry more happy tears (been loads this week!)... sounds like your intros are going really well and that little bee recognises you and is happy being with you... hope the coming days are just as good / even better, Lots of love Annie xxx
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Post by bumbleb33 on Nov 28, 2013 19:47:17 GMT
Day 3 of the rollercoaster...
I found today harder than yesterday, although it was very similar in many ways. We were at the FC's house for the same time in the morning but she had been caught up somewhere so we were there before her which undoubtedly left her a little flustered. Little bee was in better spirits this morning and played happily with us, however he is still teething and snotty and as he got tired and cranky it was FC who he wanted to comfort him. He had a late nap and a late lunch and was quite grumpy after eating and again wanted FC which I was finding quite hard. I know it's only day 3, so it's to be expected, but I hubby and I are smitten with this little boy and just want to wrap him up and take him home already!
The afternoon ended with a very awkward nappy change and a rush out of the house as FC family life took precedence. So I left feeling quite deflated. I'm worried that tomorrow will be similar as we are staying longer and therefore more FC family will be about and we'll all be getting in each other's way.
Ah well, it's tough but little bee's smiley face makes it all worthwhile.
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Post by leo on Nov 28, 2013 20:55:23 GMT
Hopefully, the FC will be able to start stepping back and letting you do some of the nurturing too. When do you get to take him out for a walk on your own? I think that was the turning point for me - when I started to feel that it really was happening and that a few more days with the FC having control was manageable because soon they were going to be mine forever!
It's all so emotionally draining - but does get better. Hope tomorrow is more fun and less stressful.
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Post by nomoretears on Nov 28, 2013 21:09:04 GMT
Hm, by day 3 I'd be expecting new parents to be doing quite a bit, even leaving them to it for spells. Do you think FC would be offended if you suggested that you start taking on more responsibility?
At 12 months its only to be expected that baby will be looking to FC constantly for comfort - he's no idea what's happening after all! The easiest solution is for her to leave you all to it, even if she's only in the room next door.
Perhaps use tomorrow with more people around as chance for you to take on more duties? E.g. "I'll make up that bottle/do that nappy change/feed Little Bee his dinner so you can get some jobs done/have a rest..." (I know you're probably dreading meeting yet more people but its so important for them to see what's happening to Little Bee)
good luck x
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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2013 22:29:10 GMT
Agree with NMT and by day 4 you should be taking him out for a walk or something. Was it in your intro agreement what you'd do on what day?
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Post by moo on Nov 29, 2013 5:30:19 GMT
Yep bumble33 agree with nmt.... It is sooo hard to ' take over ' in someone else's house... Plus the distraction of others in the household can be tuff on the confidence....
I think you have to try what nmt suggests... F/c will be looking to you to ' take charge'... Maybe a well wrapped up little bee pushed out around the block or in car & to feed some ducks at a local pond.... He will sleep & relax you all....
If you feel this is gonna be tricky ask you s/w for advice tell her you need more time with your son & how can you be tactful in asking f/c to back off a bit as nmt suggests....
Good Luck mummy you will be fine....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by bumbleb33 on Nov 29, 2013 20:10:48 GMT
So FC backed off for all of 2 hours this morning and then it got hard again...
We arrived at FC's house same time and had a good play with little bee. FC was keeping out of the way this morning which meant that little bee had to come more to us when he was seeking comfort, he was looking for FC but didn't seem sad when he couldn't find her. He was looking tired and clambered towards his comfort chair so we encouraged him to have a nap. He was struggling to go to sleep and kept trying to get out but hubby was firm that he should stay there and he was right to as littly dropped off to sleep in minutes. FC then reappeared to say that we'd done well to not give in and take him out of the chair. When little bee awoke he was crying but happily went to hubby for comfort.
Lunchtime was awkward as he didn't want to eat what was prepared for him so FC said he could have a biscuit instead which I wasn't impressed by but just had to bite my tongue. After we cleaned him up and took him out FC then told us she found another pudding for him so we had to put him back in the high chair and start over. She then kept entertaining him so he wouldn't eat the pudding anyway. I'm finding this aspect of intros particularly hard. I know that FC knows him best but he's absolutely fine with us and I certainly wouldn't feed him a lot of the stuff that FC does. After some more playtime we went out for a walk but FC said that we couldn't go off on our own as SWs had (apparently) said not to. I was pretty peeved by this and it made me dread tomorrow as all of the FC family will be there and we won't be allowed any time with little bee on our own. He gets so confused when everyone is around as he doesn't know who to turn to.
Anyway it was freezing cold out and little bee was getting all grouchy and I just wanted to cuddle him but didn't want to struggle with his pushchair in public. Thankfully he dropped off to sleep and we walked back to the FC's house after the school run. I was worried about getting home and things being hectic but the other children in the house were being quiet and we were able to give little bee some hugs after he work up before we had to leave.
I'm hoping that the FC family will entertain themselves tomorrow to allow us some time with little bee even if we're not allowed to take him out at all. It's an early start tomorrow and I'm feeling anxious about getting in the way of their usual weekend routine. But if we can get through tomorrow then we're halfway there and on to the home straight next week.
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Post by bumbleb33 on Nov 29, 2013 20:16:45 GMT
Having said all that, for all the difficult moments and frustrating times little bee's smile, giggles and faces he pulls make it all worthwhile!
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Post by leo on Nov 29, 2013 20:26:31 GMT
I think maybe you ought to phone either your SW or the one for Little Bee to find out whether they really have said you shouldn't be taking him out. It sounds a bit odd to me. I'm not sure how long your intros are but I would guess you must be half way through nearly and yet you haven't really spent time alone with him yet.
I can understand that the FC will be grieving for her 'loss' of him and maybe also extra concerned if he has been poorly this week; would you be able to talk to her at all about how, for Little Bee's sake she needs to 'allow' him to become yours - or the move will confuse and upset him far more than you would normally expect.
It is very difficult to be in someone else's house and it is such an un-natural situation that I think everyone's stress comes to the fore and things can become awkward very easily. Stay calm and gently start to claim him - remember he will be all yours very soon.
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Post by bumbleb33 on Nov 29, 2013 20:39:05 GMT
It's hard because the FC "talks the talk" about stepping back and letting us claim him but doesn't really act on it. Still, it's just one more (looong) day at the FC's house and then we're at our house next week. I don't really want to get SWs involved as it would be like going behind her back and just make things more awkward. She was really uncomfortable with our suggestion of just a half hour walk out by ourselves so we just have to play by her rules for a bit longer.
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Post by leo on Nov 29, 2013 20:47:20 GMT
I can understand what you mean - but wonder if the FC will get the support she needs afterwards from her support worker if the SW don't know how much she is struggling/how anxious she is.
Lovely that next week is when you 'move' into your own home; I think that is a turning point during intros and you do start to relax more.
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Post by moo on Nov 29, 2013 21:13:14 GMT
Yep I think you are right I guess you will just have to ride it out.... Our f/c friends will be on soon I hope I really want to hear their take on this.... I think this f/c is being very difficult & controlling...ok of course f/c fostlings & family are important they have to meet you & see that little bee is going to be fine... But it seems to me that now half way thro too much is being given over to the rest of the household & not enough time & nurture given to you,dh & little bee .....
I personally would bide my time & then wait until all are assembled for the mid way progress meeting... Your s/w his s/w f/c s/w all the s/w in one place & together around a table & then drop your bombshell very calmly concisely matter of fact questionly... ' I am really surprised that you all have decided that dh & I cannot take little bee to the park / cafe walk about just on our own to be together alone...'. & watch the fur fly.... I do not believe for one second that that has been said by s/w!!! After all if from Sunday he goes back to your house ( which was normal for us on our intros ) then how can they not want you to be alone with him!!
I am picking up on your discomfort & sadness with f/c.... It seems to be putting you on edge!! I can quite see why based on what you have said.... She doesn't appear to be making it easy for you at all....
Things will be so much easier when you are at home with him.... Just sitting on your own sofa supping tea while entertaing little bee will be bliss & all the pressure will finally be off....
Reading your latest thread has brought my own anxieties back from my own intros for baa & skweek...their f/c was not too unlike yours... Her way or no way & she even tried to tell the boys s/w she shouldn't place the boys with me... Luckily I had a great relationship with her & she got straight away what was going on & stopped her dead in her tracks... Hand over day was a nightmare & the air was black!! This person sadly was nothing like our friends on here... & I know she has caused trouble since!!!
So chin up... You are doing fine he is coming o you well especially considering he has the lurgy well done you.... Not long now your place soonxxx hang in {{{ bumbleb33}}}
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by nomoretears on Nov 29, 2013 21:55:04 GMT
Sorry, I've had another trying day today (only just got little one to bed!) but didn't want to read and run.
By now I'd be hoping you were more or less doing everything with Little Bee. Some of my little ones have moved to their new homes in not many more days than you're on now. It's ridiculous that you can't spend time on your own with him. As for giving him a biscuit because he didn't eat his dinner.... Don't even get me started!
I'm normally sympathetic to other FCs who are struggling with intros, because they really are hard, but I hope I would always hide this from the adopters. Not sure I'd have the courage to drop Moo's "bombshell" but I'd definitely be having words with my own SW to point out how difficult things have been made for you - FCs get feedback after moving children on and it also goes in our annual reviews.
Next week really will be different.
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Post by loadsofbubs on Nov 30, 2013 9:33:03 GMT
with regards to what should be happening each day of intros I am assuming that you had a planning meeting before it all started (we usually have ours on day one of intros after the initial one hour first visit). at the planning meeting every day up to the midpoint should have been planned with military precision! this is for several reasons, one it gives everyone a guide on how to proceed, two it means if things are difficult (for either side) that either side can say to the other, actually the plan says such and such. our adoption team are very strict, we have to stick to the plans religiously and not deviate from them (though if I am comfortable to do so I will if its in the childs best interest to do so).
if the plans are not very specific then its harder for you to insist on anything. i'm surprised you weren't allowed a short walk on day 4 on your own, but might be the plans are wooley and fc checked and was told no (sw's can do strange things), might be they are wooley and the fc isn't confident to make decisions not already made by the planning meeting- we can get into trouble of the most minute things sometimes. however, the fc does sound like she's struggling a bit to 'let go', but might also just be force of habit for her to be there for the LO. things will improve for you when you get LO back to your house for the second part of intros. no supervision, own environment (for you), easier to manage all round! and don't worry about the biscuit instead of lunch, not best practice but not that bad in the greater scheme of things. and you can change things to suit yourself when LO is settled with you.
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Post by bumbleb33 on Nov 30, 2013 19:23:29 GMT
We did have a planning meeting but we didn't really have any say on any matters. It was just between SWs and FC. Also, nothing was said specifically if we could or couldn't go out on our own at any point. Anyway, here is today's diary entry...
I was dreading today and after a shaky start it went much better than I had hope for.
We arrived in time to feed little bee his breakfast, however there was so many frustrations and he had a terrible cough so he hardly ate anything. At one point there was 4 other adults and 2 children as well as the TV all demanding our boy's attention, no wonder he wasn't interested in his food! Thankfully it calmed down after a while and we were able to have a play and get his nappy and clothes changed. Hubby has more practise at this and is consequently a pro, thus making me feel a bit inadequate and embarrassed about my lack of skills in that area.
We then headed out with 4 members of the FC family to a Christmas fair where we were able to wander off on our own for a bit. Little bee fell asleep in his pushchair and woke up after a long nap with no fuss (phew!) We fed him some lunch and wandered around the fair and he was an absolute star.
After a few hours there we went for a walk round the local park (still with FC family). It was quite cold but he enjoyed playing on the swings, although not so sure about the slides or roundabouts. However it wasn't long before he was getting cranky and needing another nap. He cried a fair amount on the way back home and I know the FC was finding it really hard not to step in, but she just kept ahead and let us carry on. Little bee was just falling asleep as we got back to the FC's house but woke up again and was all cranky until FC gave him some chocs. It did the trick but it's not something I would necessarily do. Anyway he calmed down and we had some quiet time and cuddles before leaving. He looked really torn about who to cuddle as we were leaving and kept flitting between FC and the 2 of us which is a really good sign. He's only tiny so he doesn't understand but I think everything as going as well as it can do at the moment.
Tomorrow we have a day off so we intend to have a good lie in (last one ever?!) before finishing off last bits round the house and stocking up on final baby supplies and food shopping/chores etc. Then, next week he finally gets to see our house and start spending time with us on our own - YAY!
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Post by knight on Nov 30, 2013 19:48:52 GMT
Ahh, well that's lovely and sounds like it's going in the right direction, at least compared to the last couple of days with FC standing back, even if only a little bit. Fingers crossed you both get to be more hands on next week, enjoy your rest day tomorrow
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Post by bumbleb33 on Nov 30, 2013 20:52:23 GMT
Oh and how could I forget... we got to witness the most exciting event of the day - little bee's first few solo steps! They were over in a flash, but so wonderful to see!
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Post by damson on Nov 30, 2013 22:02:32 GMT
Wow, what timing!!!
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Post by moo on Dec 1, 2013 8:02:46 GMT
Aww lovely bumble... Glad the day went off better than you hoped for I hope that helped you to relax a bit.... You do seem to be having it very tuff.... F/c household sounds very chaotic..... I hope you enjoy your rest day.... Good Luck with getting in healthy snacks.... I have to say I have been very surprised by the amount of bics & coc little bee has been given... It might prove tricky to break the habit
My two are very keen on fruit & carrot sticks particularly.... They loved them when they were teething... Another great favourite was sultanas & dried cranberries....
You are coping so well I admire you both coz your situation sounds very very fraught too much thinking of others & not just relaxing with little bee......
Happy Rest Day xx
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by kstar on Dec 2, 2013 9:30:38 GMT
Starlet also came with bad snacking habits, not sweets because they were banned by the dentist, but so much other sweet stuff the ban on sweets was pointless! Biscuits, cakes, pudding twice a day (as in full on pudding and custard), ice cream.... The hits here in terms of turning this around were tube yoghurts (less mess and no spoon required) and individual cheese portions! She now absolutely loves Wensleydale with any fruit in it, something she had never eaten before. She also came with a "barely eats fruit" label... Turns out she just has very exotic, expensive taste in fruit - she doesn't like apples, bananas or pears, but will eat endless amounts of strawberries, raspberries, melon, pineapple, kiwi, figs... Hang on in there, it is possible to break those habits!!
How unbelievably exciting to see Little Bee's first steps... Gave me goosebumps just reading it!!
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