mommabear
New Member
Single Adopter
Posts: 32
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Post by mommabear on Dec 7, 2013 21:29:52 GMT
Hi, I've been approved for 3 months and had no matches yet. I know it's early days (as my SW reminds me ALOT, grrrr!!) but this waiting is hard. I already have one AS who is profoundly disabled, that alongside being a singly is no doubt making the matching harder but I was just wondering how long other single adopters have waited and any tips on not going totally stir crazy?!? Anyone else playing the waiting game??
Just want to rant really I guess. Everyone around me is having babies, getting married etc and I'm still on my own with a non-verbal child (who is fab!) and a jolly big hole in my family. Much love,
MommaBear x
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Post by serrakunda on Dec 7, 2013 21:57:03 GMT
I heard about Simba just over four months after approval, I looked at a few others before him and was turned down because they wanted couples. You are probably right that your AS is making it a bit harder but hang in there, the right child will come along, Are you on the national register yet?
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Post by shadow on Dec 8, 2013 1:31:31 GMT
took me a year to find shadette - who was an older child
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Post by moo on Dec 8, 2013 12:07:38 GMT
I too was a year between panels.... The waiting really is dire & in my opinion the very worst part of the matching process.... Sadly singlies by a large amount of s/w are second choice but there are the few wonders out there who see the positives.... Eg consistent discipline & language not being able to play one off against anther... Having a home that is yours that you cannot divorce yourself from!! Some s/w actively search for single carers for their l/o due to l/o personality etc.... Now I have my boys I have the luxury of hindsight!!! I think you need to totally believe your second child is out there ( I didn't for my two) & then they really will arrive....I do deffo believe that our children really are out there waiting for us.....
As to time frames I think sadly a year is very common.... There are obviously the exceptions but coz you have ds that might mean a bit of a longer wait than for first placement.... Hope I havn't depressed you..... I hope your wait is short....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by esty (archive) on Dec 8, 2013 23:23:03 GMT
I think you are in for quite a long wait as there is your eldest child adding a unique dynamic. I felt many SWs never got past the fact that I already had an AS with complex disabilities. I don't think they ever read past that point. However after well over a year I was matched within the LA I was with. Even then I think there were a fair few doubters. But it's been doable. However do enjoy your time now with your first child as I spent a year unable to be spontaneous with my eldest as youngest was watching for anything that showed I favoured the eldest. I'd only have to look in eldest's direction and youngest would start on about me loving eldest AS more. Now however it's all more relaxed and he can cope with me showing affection in front of him but that first year I felt really pulled and at times resentful of the space I was having to leave between myself and eldest son. . Eldest son however appeared un concerned. So really enjoy your unlimited time with your first child now and start changing your routines slowly into what you will have to do with two children so that when second child is placed first child is used to doing things differently.
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mommabear
New Member
Single Adopter
Posts: 32
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Post by mommabear on Dec 9, 2013 0:16:16 GMT
Many thanks for you responses. I hope to be back soon with news but who knows. I know of one single person in my LA who was matched with a very young baby within weeks of approval so this gives me hope. I have also fostered within my LA so know a fair few SW's (or they know me more to the point!). My last foster child was with me for 14mths. He left a year ago yesterday so that really hasn't been helping my low mood!! But having him was the best thing I could have done as the LA have all the evidence they need of my ability to handle things and I know I can do it. Time will tell. I am now listed as available for 'foster to adopt' placements and am going to join a wider database of adopters soon. My SW keeps telling me that there are lots of children coming through the system so I'm hopeful. Thinking of a year or more of waiting won't help me now, trying to stay positive!! Many thanks, MommaBear
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Post by esty (archive) on Dec 9, 2013 7:54:34 GMT
I hope it does go quick. I was also fostering before the adoption but still took that long. I just think some SW are sometimes discriminatory towards disability due to lack of knowledge of what children with disabilities are doing these days and that they have as much if not more to offer than a non disabled sibling. Fingers crossed it's soon.
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mommabear
New Member
Single Adopter
Posts: 32
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Post by mommabear on Jan 18, 2014 8:33:56 GMT
I've been matched... to a very healthy 3 week old little boy. Couldn't be more perfect for my family :-)
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2014 9:51:21 GMT
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Post by serrakunda on Jan 18, 2014 10:07:14 GMT
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Post by chotimonkey on Jan 18, 2014 14:33:29 GMT
How wonderful
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Post by esty (archive) on Jan 18, 2014 17:51:19 GMT
Congratulations. That's great.
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Post by daffin on Jan 18, 2014 18:07:59 GMT
Congrats! How exciting! When do you go to matching panel? When do you expect intros to start?
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Post by imp on Jan 18, 2014 18:31:01 GMT
Huge congratulations xx
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mommabear
New Member
Single Adopter
Posts: 32
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Post by mommabear on Jan 18, 2014 18:31:57 GMT
Thank you every one. Daffin, I don't know yet. I'm meeting Babies SW next week so hopefully find out more then. I'm trying not to get to excited at the moment. It all sounds to good to be true. And you know what that means ... it probably is. The SW did say that it could happen very quickly and they can do an emergency panel or something!?!
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Post by vickyvixen on Jan 18, 2014 20:07:40 GMT
Goodness - great news and such a wee one! Let us know how it goes
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Post by gilreth on Jan 18, 2014 23:11:05 GMT
Great news.
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Post by moo on Jan 19, 2014 7:38:15 GMT
Ooohhhh yay what wonderful news..... Simply fab for you both..... Many many congratulations.... Please keep posting updates it is just the best hearing about all these wonderful links turning into matches turning into happy happy families....
Wooo 3 weeks eh... Sooo tiny..... Bet you are beside yourself!!!
Xx. moo. Xx
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mommabear
New Member
Single Adopter
Posts: 32
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Post by mommabear on Jan 22, 2014 22:34:26 GMT
Had first meeting with baby bears SW today. I was prepared to be disappointed as really felt that all my adoption SW had told me sounded to good to be true. It wasn't!! This is really happening!! It's all very backwards and they are doing it in a way they never have before. Baby hasn't had final hearing yet. But that's set for 2 weeks time, judge and all involved are very confident of how it will end and want it sorted fast due to babies age. Plan is for final hearing and then extraordinary panel following week, planning meeting next day and meet baby. So very little time to prepare. I've been shopping today :-)
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Post by phoebe on Jan 22, 2014 23:10:10 GMT
Wow that is fabulous news for you all, momma bear! Have an amazing time getting ready for your wee one. Such an exciting time! So much shopping to do! lol x
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Post by moo on Jan 23, 2014 7:09:45 GMT
Oh wow.... How fab that the meeting went well & there were no nasty surprises..... So it could be done & dusted in a month.... .... Wow oh wow.... So baby bear is gonna need loads of teeny tiny stuff... Cot, changing mat etc.... My tip eBay!!! Start now & stuff will slowly arrive & be oh so much cheaper than buying new... I bought most for baa & skweek over a long period.... In my generic stuff which luckily all was needed & no money wasted.... & boy what bargains.... Everything was either really 'new ' grandma spares etc or just grown out of in about 2 wears....
You sound so confident I don't want to burst your wonderful wonderful bubble.... But please check constantly with your s/w you need her input, but you need so much for such a tiny that she needs to prompt you when to start buying....
Please Keep Posting Us Wonderful Updates.....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by oysterbabe on Jan 23, 2014 8:38:26 GMT
Wow mommabear it sounds like a dream come true!! So happy for you and hope everything goes smoothly x
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Post by sivier on Jan 23, 2014 9:08:20 GMT
mommabear this is fantastic to hear! You sound as though you have great qualities and experience to offer...
Respect to single adopters Good luck with everything.
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Post by imprudence on Jan 23, 2014 10:19:56 GMT
For number 2 I didn't bother with ebay I just told my friends what I needed. By that time most of them had two kids and were itching to get push chairs, baby stuff etc out of their house and in to mine. I had plenty to choose from and could charity shop stuff I really didn't like. People gave push chairs toys clothes you name it, I only had to ask.
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mommabear
New Member
Single Adopter
Posts: 32
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Post by mommabear on Jan 23, 2014 10:58:45 GMT
Thanks guys. My family all think I'm barking mad but I really want to buy everything new. I have nursery furniture but it's very old and what I've used as a foster Carer for last 5 years or so. I really want this to feel different and a complete change is all part of that for me. It's not nesacarily that I want it brand new, just different. Does that make sense!?! It might be only chance I have (can't see them giving me any more after this one so really want it to be special. I have another adopted child but he came to me at 11mths and I never intended to keep him at that point so this is all very different. X
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2014 14:10:39 GMT
Oh wow Mommabear, that is fantastic. What a great start your LO is going to have. I was adopted aged 3 weeks too! You must be beside yourself with excitement. Can't wait for your intro's, although you might not be able to post much you'll be so busy and the sleepless nights ....
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Post by vickyvixen on Jan 23, 2014 19:12:41 GMT
It makes perfect sense you wanting different things for your new baby! Have fun accumulating it all - I just remember there being so much stuff. Keep us in the loop as to how it's going & try & sleep lots in advance! So pleased for you
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