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Post by mudlark on Dec 16, 2013 21:48:28 GMT
Since I started this thread I have changed my mind! I think there is a big difference between the 'normal naughty boundary pushing behaviour' and behaviour which is coming from a place of pain and trauma..our funded therapist who I have been resistant to is right in this.I have to admit I was not buying into it at all...but I have been surprised at how Lapwing has responded to a more therapuetic style of parenting.
consequences and naughty step will not in the long run work...they might work for the short term..but when the child no long cares about being deprived of chocolate or favourate toy or going to the park....what have you got left to bargain with..... so I have changed my approach...I am really trying to look at what Lapwing is actually saying or trying to tell me with her behaviour...some of it is just stubbornness..eg. I don't want to eat my vegtable..but lots of it is her trying to tell me stuff...and since I have tried to understand her things have been more complex... but I feel she and I are moving closer together . The book that has helped me hugely is Using Story telling as a therapeutic tool for Children...the 'bad' behaviour has stopped almost altogether as she tries to tell me...act out...how she is feeling. I am now eating my words, hat etc and fully supportive of therapeutic parenting!
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Post by abiee on Dec 17, 2013 9:53:21 GMT
IMO a lot of the super nanny type parenting is just a way for the parent to feel they are doing something, so they feel strong I can understand that, we want to feel like we are coping and managing our children I always recommend Alfie Kohn 'unconditional parenting', it is not adoption specific but makes so much sense (I wish I was on commission for it!)
I remember last xmas my DD was totally off the wall at school, nuts, spitting at teachers, hurting anyone in her way - it was impossible to communicate with her. The teacher said to me 'I have started a behaviour chart' so I said - oh well it will help you think you are doing something
Empathy is the other essential. Children have to be stopped doing things/eating too much etc but they can still be shown empathy whilst teaching them. I understand you really want that and it is so hard but we are not able to buy that now It is all about accepting their feelings
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