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Post by serrakunda on Nov 27, 2013 23:12:39 GMT
Sometimes the sadness just washes over him, for BM, for loss of FC. He wants to see them so much. I wouldnt be against a meeting with BM but we don't know where she is, possibly a guest of Her Majesty. FC hasnt been interested in maintaining meaningful contact. I have no answers for him but glad that he can talk to me about his feelings I hate seeing him like this  |
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Post by lilka on Nov 27, 2013 23:44:30 GMT
I'm sorry  I don't have any words of wisdom, I never found anything to make it better for my DC's...but I've been through this, and I understand and know the feeling x |
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Post by moo on Nov 28, 2013 6:24:10 GMT
Hugs for you for Simba.... {{{}}}
So sad indeed for him..... You are such a great Mum Serrankunda it is clear to see in all your posts how much you love him xxx  .... You are sooo right it is great that he can talk to you about how it feels.... Never forget that is coz of you xx 
Xx. moo. Xx
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2013 7:53:00 GMT
It is so sad and for you too Serrakunda. It's hard seeing him like this and if you could only take all the hurt away of course you would.
Problem is you can't and he has to go through periods like this where he is processing all of this in his head and working through it all it's something he just has to do.
Have you thought about getting any life story work done for him with PAS? Don't know if it would help or not, or if you think he is old enough or would engage enough to make it worthwhile, but it's just a thought. Hugs to you, it's hard xx
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Post by flutterby on Nov 28, 2013 14:07:21 GMT
Sorry, Serrakunda, I have not got any solutions to offer, but just wanted to let you know you are not on your own with this one. My birth son's dad has severe mental health issues and after trying for a few years to keep some kind of contact I had to take the decision that no contact was still less traumatic for my son than any. He never took a real interest in him and was really only keeping in sporadic contact to get one over me. - Still my son grew up pining and hoping for dad to get in touch. I dreaded every birthday and Christmas as it was so sad to see him suffer and with it his self-esteem/worth. However, we did keep in touch with paternal grandma, who is a lovely lady despite being stuck in the middle.
A major shift occurred for us when, thanks to Facebook, his dad managed to track him down aged 16 and wrote an awful message to him, which was clearly meant for me, but addressed to my son. At that point something went click in my son's head and he said to me that he now understood why I had never been able to fully explain things to him and that he had needed to see what he is like for himself. - That day he grew up and came to terms with it all and has not looked back since.
What I am trying to say is, you cannot make things better for Simba. But you can take comfort from the fact that you do your best for him, you support him. As difficult as those meetings with Simba's BD may be, treasure them, they will help enormously. Having his granny was no substitute for a dad for my son, but it helped him to know that someone else cared. And that is so important. In years to come, his BD will be an invaluable help to balance his view of his birth mum and any issues she may have.
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Sad Simba
Nov 28, 2013 15:57:41 GMT
via mobile
Post by daisy1985 on Nov 28, 2013 15:57:41 GMT
No advice but ((((((big hugs)))))) to you and simba!
Daisy x
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Post by sooz on Nov 28, 2013 17:27:59 GMT
Bless him, it's so hard.
My ds said to me just last night that he worries when he doesn't see his dad, I think he means he misses him. Certainly it's hard for him when he sees his dad for a week or so then not for months. There is nothing I can do other than sympathise and agree it must be so hard for him and of course he must miss him, and I do also say that I would fix it if I could but I can't.
Then, I try not to dwell on my not very nice thoughts about his daddy!!!
Hugs xx
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Post by smileycat on Nov 28, 2013 19:05:56 GMT
Oh Serrakunda,
Sending you a big hug... As my DD says being adopted is so hard sometimes.... :-(
SC x x
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enid
Bronze Member
Single Adopter
Posts: 75 
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Post by enid on Nov 29, 2013 21:17:20 GMT
Hi, love this board its like the old one!
I followed your story from the beginning and you have so much knowledge and experience that you will see him through the bad times, wish I had had the benefit of the boards 23 years ago!
remember the roller coaster, he is down now but will come back up again soon.
sending support and hugs. x
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Post by serrakunda on Dec 1, 2013 22:43:20 GMT
I know there are no answers, we just have to work through it and its so good he can now tell me, as opposed to thumping me or throwing something at me
he has bounced back as he does, nanny and grandad came to visit yesterday, he got lots of chocolate, beat them at scrabble and they came to watch him at his swimming lesson so he had a chance for a mega show off by beating all the girls. Today we met a new friend whose little boy came home a month ago, small world he is from the same LA as Simba and had some of the same SWs. This evening we decorated the Christmas Tree so we are in full on Christmas mode and have a happy Simba
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Sad Simba
Dec 2, 2013 10:20:55 GMT
via mobile
Post by peartree on Dec 2, 2013 10:20:55 GMT
Pleased he's bounced back
Time is a healer but knowing he lives with his number one fan will get him through most things in life :-)
Well done that mum x
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.... You are sooo right it is great that he can talk to you about how it feels.... Never forget that is coz of you xx 
