To laugh hysterically or cry!!!

Oh dear.

Ds head butted another child when he was in reception, child had to go home with nose bleed and headache! his teacher told me they had agreed he would not have any computer time at home for a week.

I didn't say anything at the time but ds never went on the computer (very clever of him to agree to that punishment) but I wrote a letter stating that I had spoken with ds and we'd agreed to make a sorry card but not allowing computer time wasn't going to have any effect and I would be happy to come in and discuss how this situation could be avoided in the future. From that it was agreed ds needed monitoring more closely and any potential for violence be headed off before the situation escalated. It worked (mostly). No amount of sanction or rewards given at home would stop ds when he's lost any impulse control.

I'm a very controlled, polite and reasonable person, but, put me in a car and some numpty cuts me up I'm likely to act first and think later, I see it as much the same thing and I don't think a sticker chart or similar incentive is going to stop me in my tracks in the moment.

Ps... I don't get violent but maybe a bit verbal and a few hand signals, you get the picture lol

is that a sticker chart for how often he punches someone
 
you could suggest he does a sticker chart at school and then he could see why it doesnt work. 

do you ever think about what solutions they offered before self adhesives were invented,  othewise known as BS ( before stickers of course)

Good luck

Good luck lol.

Actually school are pretty good with my ds. When his lsa came out to me all smiles saying ds had said to her today that he was really angry with her we both laughed and cheered as we recognised what a step forward it was, only in our world hey? Lol x

Sorry but I can't actually sit here and read so much criticism of schools without defending us!!!! I have been a teacher for 15 years, am a pastoral leader and consider myself to be very clued up and willing to walk through fire for my kids BUT:

- I had never heard the word attachment until I started the adoption process. I have still never heard it in an educational context apart from the materials I have developed for our school. My best friend runs a nursery, Ofsted outstanding and rated extremely highly by all concerned... She has a very basic grasp of attachment in "normal" family situations but has also had no specialist training in dealing with attachment issues. She tries really hard to "get it" with Starlet but still doesn't.

- I know there are many sectors under the same pressure, but teachers are seriously overworked and over stressed. Unfortunately, every single minute of our day revolves around what Ofsted expects or what will improve our exam results, firstly because the management drive us so hard on them we're all too worried not to do it, and secondly because in these ridiculous days of league tables, our jobs depend on what Ofsted say... However much we love our job and the kids we work with, none of us will put our own necks on the chopping block (we are an oversubscribed, outstanding secondary and have had 10 redundancies in the last two years! which is 10% of our teaching staff. Trust me, if Ofsted made attachment issues part of their carping framework, we'd all be doing it all day. My advice would be to find a way to get your child to qualify for free school meals - we can't jump through enough Ofsted hoops about FSM at the moment, those kids get whatever we can throw at them, way beyond what the pupil premium pays for.

- with increasingly poor engagement and poor parenting in many families, these children end up being a priority as without us they wouldn't have any parenting at all. Those from good, hardworking, clued up parents do get neglected because we don't worry about them as much.

- I consider myself to be one of those "seemingly intelligent child centered people" who went into teaching for the right reasons, but some days I barely have the patience to be therapeutic with Starlet, let alone with the 200 or so kids I come into contact with on a daily basis. I'll be honest - with a lot of them, I barely even know their names when they're in front of me, let alone their individual needs and the best way to deal with them. We end up having to default to a one size fits all way of doing things.

I know it isn't what you want to hear and I know it's not right in all cases, but the vast majority of teachers are hardworking,caring people... We just don't get time to do the job anymore because we can't see the kids and their needs through the forest of red tape surrounding them.

My ds gets fsm, but reading kstars post I didn't take it as fsm equals poor parenting, but a separate issue.

It's taken me a long while to get to understand my ds so I don't expect all his teachers to get it especially when they have lots of other kids to consider too. I think for me, it's about the willingness to listen and adapt where possible.

It's a difficult job, no doubt about it, I don't think I'd manage it! 

Thought I would give you all an update after my meeting which didn't happen until today due to one thing and another!

New head is fab and I can stop panicing that we are going to return to the dark days of DS's previous school (big sigh of relief)  where they wouldn't listen (even to our SW) about the best way to deal with DS and his behaviours etc.  She had even read his file before meeting me (big improvement on the new head at the previous school who I met under similar circumstances and hadn't bothered!)

She is obviously very much a nurturing type person and has already decided to get more staff out in the playground, nuture groups, organised games up and running etc.  She had also had opportunity to teach DS this morning and had picked up on a couple of his "quirks".  

She also asked me to let her have anything I have got on attachment etc which she would like to make sure that ALL staff read so I have duly emailed it over tonight (well not everything I have got - just a few choice bits to start with ).

All in all a very happy, relieved Dinky with real hope for DS's happiness at this school  

Dinky,

That sounds really positive. And no mention of any sticker charts???!!! <--- Hooray!!!

I hope the meeting with a head is an indication of the school really getting on board and helping your DS be happy in school

Minnie x