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Post by piglet on Nov 14, 2013 10:15:54 GMT
LO told me this morning that she doesn't love me, in fact she thinks she hates me. She was quite upset and crying about it.
Usually this comes after cross words but didn't on this occasion. It may be a backlash from the fact I've been up some of the night looking after her as she's poorly. Sometimes this closeness leads her to feel the need to push me away.
This is what I am telling myself anyway but it still hurts. I told her I had enough love for both of us.
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Post by shadow on Nov 14, 2013 10:21:38 GMT
it is hard- and being needy/dependent , feeling vulnerable is very scary for them
hope you get some time to look after yourself
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Post by moo on Nov 14, 2013 11:19:59 GMT
{{{Piglet}}} always the hardest words to hear....
Be kind to you....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by oysterbabe on Nov 14, 2013 11:22:22 GMT
Poor little Roo and poor you mummy Piglet. I have this from one of my sons at age 15, when he is feeling bad or sad about himself. I said to him just last night it must be scary having these feelings and I do understand. A few mins later I realised he was crying, his twin was comforting him. If only he could do the feelings bit without the verbals! We do not see him cry for months and months.
Well done for saying the right thing for her, but so hard for how you feel inside. I get it totally.
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Post by piglet on Nov 14, 2013 12:20:59 GMT
Thank you. You all always know the right things to say.
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Post by lemonade on Nov 14, 2013 12:27:30 GMT
I think 'attachment' issues throw up a lot of these thoughts / feelings, to me its like a huge gap that is so hard to cross.
My friend also an adoptive mum, explained it once to me like trying to fill a bucket with holes in, you have to put an awful lot in, with very little to show for it.
I think the biggest shock to me has been to watch my lovely GD growing up and realise just what a child without 'attachment' issues is like.
Sending hugs your way Love L xxxx
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connect4
Bronze Member
Married Adopter
Posts: 98
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Post by connect4 on Nov 14, 2013 12:55:00 GMT
Sending hugs to you Piglet, I think your response to her was lovely. I would love to be able to reassure you that it will subside with time but it may not. My AD has said this to me most days since she came to live with us - usually when she doesn't get her own way. I sometimes just say 'I know you do just now' just to let her know it's O.K to have these feelings. Please try not to take it personally, maybe developing a bit of a thick skin in this regard would be helpful for you. It's good that she feels safe enough to say it to you. xx
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Post by piglet on Nov 14, 2013 22:38:55 GMT
She revisited this again tonight and says she thinks she does love me. I said it was ok to have confused feelings and muddles in her head, that there was plenty of love to go round (she is worried about loving me more than her siblings). She said she wasn't sure it was ok to be feeling those things so I had to reassure her it was completely valid. Poor little thing.
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Post by smileycat on Nov 15, 2013 12:57:20 GMT
Lots of replies but just wanted to send you a hug. I don't think you can love your little one without things like that hurting however therapeutic we try to be.
Think it also hurts to see/ hear their struggles.... extremely hard at times :-(
SC x x
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