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Post by kstar on Nov 13, 2013 22:02:40 GMT
I thought I had seen a pinned list of questions to ask a birth parent somewhere but I can't find them, maybe it was in the pre-blue bubble days.
i am due to meet Starlet's BM next week, which feels very strange when she has been with me for nearly six months!
i am finding it very difficult to prepare myself as I have had masses of information from SS and from birth family through life story work (her life story work is in a lever arch file it's so thick!) I can't think of much that would be genuinely helpful for me. I want to do it for her sake - I have a lot of sympathy for her circumstances, so I don't feel anxious, just emotional - and obviously most importantly for Starlet later on. I have prepared what I want to tell her about Starlet, but my Sw wants me to submit my questions I advance so that everyone knows what will be discussed.
help!
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Post by phoebe on Nov 13, 2013 22:33:58 GMT
Do you already have full info for Starlet about dad? She may well want to know later. Also, any additional health info? Family history - special places etc?
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Post by serrakunda on Nov 13, 2013 22:44:51 GMT
I suppose what you have is a file full of facts though? I would ask more personal stuff, why the name, what does she hope for starlets future, what things did she like to do together, special songs or a favourite story
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connect4
Bronze Member
Married Adopter
Posts: 98 
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Post by connect4 on Nov 13, 2013 22:58:08 GMT
We asked things we thought our children would want to know in the future e,g
time of birth, weight, reason for choice of name, anything she remembers about the birth -easy/difficult etc, anything funny she remembers about them, did she breastfeed. Our daughter has asked some of these questions since so it was useful information. The social worker suggested we ask if there was any particular way she used to soothe the children (interestingly she couldn't answer this). Good luck with your visit.
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Post by cowgirl on Nov 13, 2013 23:18:50 GMT
Can I add some questions my BS asked when AS was placed - he was 6 yo so random but thought you might be interested in a child's view
Favourite meal
Cat or dog person
Can she ride horse & bike & skateboard
Right or left handed
Play any instruments ?
Wear Glasses ?
Hope it goes smoothly
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Post by lilka on Nov 14, 2013 2:00:49 GMT
I met DD2's mum during intros but before placement. Never met my DD1's birth parents. Some of the questions I asked were:
Why did you choose X as her name?
What hobbies did you enjoy doing as a child/what do you enjoy now?
What was DD like as a baby and toddler? What things did she enjoy?
Do you remember what her birth was like?
Do you have any special hopes/wishes/dreams for DD?
Do you think DD takes after anyone in your family in particular?
Is there anything you'd particularly like to hear about in my letters to you?
Is there anything you would really like DD to know about you?
I reassured her that I would write to her, love DD and care for her and not let any harm come to her, and would be completely honest with her about adoption
I hope it goes well
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Post by peartree on Nov 14, 2013 8:51:25 GMT
Hi
A few things I didn't ask and wish I had
1) family traditions? At 13 having ears pierced ?
2) if adopting girl from mum when do they start puberty / periods as it's of genetic
3) any diabetes heart issues high blood pressure in family
4) who in the family was KIND to bm and how did they show this kindness
I would also ask about the life book and explain what you want to do with it
Can she send a picture in a few years to update the book?
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Post by kstar on Nov 14, 2013 19:35:58 GMT
Thanks everyone :-) I was thinking along similar lines so it's good to have the reassurance from all of you lovely people! It's so emotional, I know I will cry all day!
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Post by lemonade on Nov 14, 2013 19:56:05 GMT
Agree with all the above comments. Also maybe not a question, but does she have any baby pictures of Starlet that you could get copies of, pictures of her bm when young girl / teen, pics of bm parents etc, so in the future can help put name to face.
I'm sure bm will be anxious and nervous too.
Thinking of you. Love Lemonade |
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Post by justbserene11 on Nov 14, 2013 21:36:16 GMT
All the suggestions given are excellent. Our BM all front at first became very emoitional, I think go with a plan (so to speak) but tweek when needed (appropriate). We found it to be very hard, we are human...we don't like to see anyone upset. At the end of the day, you are doing this for your LO (like us).
We however will be editing the responses given, as......question: 'what was LO like?' ....'well she was moody...' (She only was with LO for a few months after birth)! We are very glad we did it...it is worth it xx
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Post by gilreth on Nov 15, 2013 14:56:28 GMT
A lot of useful ideas here - we have a meeting with birth parents sometime in early January. This is earlier than our agency normally does it but Sqk's SW is going on maternity leave in mid January and as she has been SW since birth and knows family well it is better ah can be there. Just hoping parents turn up as BF has a tendency to miss contacts etc.
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