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Setback
Apr 8, 2023 18:40:34 GMT
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Post by flutterby on Apr 8, 2023 18:40:34 GMT
Not much to report, but feeling quite low. After a number of months with no violence, we had an incident over half term, next weekend home and now the third during the Easter hols. This is made worse by me not feeling well at all (probably a trigger in itself) and I am exhausted, disappointed, scared of what might happen next.
I just wish we could get to a point of no violence. Again, I thought we were getting somewhere and we are, but Butterfly is also stronger again, taller and the risk just increases exponentially when something does go wrong.
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Setback
Apr 8, 2023 20:19:03 GMT
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moo likes this
Post by leo on Apr 8, 2023 20:19:03 GMT
I am so sorry Flutterby.
Once progress has been made (no matter how small), the setbacks are somehow so much harder to deal with.
Has there been a trigger that you know of? (Other than your illness.)
I hope you have support during the rest of the Easter holidays.
All I can say is that in my experience, although the setbacks are awful, each time you get back on track you tend to then stay on track for longer before the next wobble.
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Post by mudlark on Apr 8, 2023 22:50:19 GMT
Flutterby, so sorry to hear this. I totally get that feeling of utter disappointment and futility after things seemingly going well and then suddenly they are not.
It feels so never ending. I have not much to say, other than the mantra of taking care of yourself, finding ways of healing and nurturing yourself. Easier said than done but so important.
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Post by moo on Apr 9, 2023 6:20:43 GMT
Sending cyber support your way Flutterby xxxx
Stay Safe xxx
Xx moo 🐮
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Setback
Apr 10, 2023 14:37:37 GMT
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Post by flutterby on Apr 10, 2023 14:37:37 GMT
Thanks everyone. I wish I knew the trigger. We went through all the Xmas hols with no incidents, in fact things were really lovely, despite unexpected illness, abrupt changes and visitors. Which makes this setback all the more difficult.
Butterfly has come on leaps and bounds in so many ways and then suddenly we are back to menacing threats, extreme violence etc.
I keep going over things trying to understand, find triggers.
This morning she wanted to make up for what happened and, unbeknown to me, cleaned the bathroom. Which would have been lovely had it not been for the fact that she rearranged every single bottle, towel, mirror anything she could find on any surface and stacked them in the most absurd places. Then she "cleaned" the whole place until everything was covered in a chemical mix of streaks and goo.
She was so proud of herself too. Normally she is really good with cleaning, but unfortunately she regressed to toddler stage, so you can imagine the mess. I wish hubby had checked up on her as I was resting on the sofa.
Needless to say now she is extremely upset that no-one appreciated her efforts and we are back on the merry roller coaster of dysregulation. Sorry, rant over.
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Post by moo on Apr 10, 2023 16:14:57 GMT
(((((((Flutterby))))))
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Setback
Jul 2, 2023 5:40:26 GMT
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Post by flutterby on Jul 2, 2023 5:40:26 GMT
Another weekend of violence, aggression and verbal put downs. I am dreading the summer holidays.
I suppose the only "good news" is that Butterfly has been showing these behaviours more at school too. Not that they did not believe us, but it might lead to more targeted support and therapy when they actually experience the mechanics of it. It is so difficult to explain what happens in detail, sometimes I think you need to experience it to be able to formulate the right therapeutic interventions.
Can't wait for this weekend to be over. :-(
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Post by serrakunda on Jul 3, 2023 12:35:00 GMT
hope you are Ok this morning x
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Setback
Jul 3, 2023 14:27:33 GMT
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Post by flutterby on Jul 3, 2023 14:27:33 GMT
I think the deterioration is partially down to hormones, not that this makes it any better when things get out of control.
But we have gad a quieter day today and Butterfly has been regressing again, so back to Peppa Pig and wanting milk bottles. Such a roller coaster.
I have surprised myself in that I'm currently ok. Maybe I'll get a delated reaction. Hopefully, being a part time parent us finally reaping rewards in that I may be better able to handle things myself without going into full blown PTSD.
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Setback
Jul 4, 2023 10:45:57 GMT
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Post by leo on Jul 4, 2023 10:45:57 GMT
It must be exhausting and confusing for you to have to cope with anger and aggression on3 moment and baby regression the next.
Will Butterfly be home full time in the school holidays? Is it possible to have some home support during that time so you are not coping with it entirely on your own?
Are her therapists helpful at all in how to deal with these setbacks? Did they predict anything from what they have been covering in sessions?
Puberty played a huge part in an upturn of anger and violence here but is has settled back down now - and after a while I was usually able to tell what was hormones and what was trauma. (Didn't always help me to deal with it in the moment but did help me not to panic we were on a massive downhill spiral.)
I hope school and therapists do continue to see more and more of this behaviour as then hopefully support and therapy will be targetted more effectively.
So sorry you are having to face it all again though. Take care.
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Setback
Jul 4, 2023 18:03:11 GMT
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Post by mrsbear21 on Jul 4, 2023 18:03:11 GMT
That sounds really hard and exhausting Flutterby. It's entirely reasonable to not look forward to the long holiday. Sending you and the DC prayers and fortitude. (I hope that's not an over step.)
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Setback
Jul 4, 2023 18:31:57 GMT
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Post by flutterby on Jul 4, 2023 18:31:57 GMT
Thanks everyone. It really helps to be able to speak about things as they feel in the moment because people get it.
I'm glad the weekend is over, I'm glad we didn't have any further incidents. I know I will have to come up with detailed timetable for every single day of the summer hols for any of the times that Butterfly is home. We will take her on a two week trip to a known destination which she loves and that may still prove tricky as no outside support during this time. However, when we are home support has already been put in place. Hopefully with this scaffold around us we will manage.
Mrs Bear all prayers and good intentions gladly received. Thank you. 😊
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Setback
Jul 4, 2023 19:33:06 GMT
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Post by leo on Jul 4, 2023 19:33:06 GMT
I'm glad that for the majority of the time over the holidays you will have some support.
It must still geel like a long time though!
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Setback
Jul 6, 2023 19:45:32 GMT
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Post by mrsbear21 on Jul 6, 2023 19:45:32 GMT
The summer holidays are such a long stretch, they're daunting even without any specific worries. I'm just beginning to make a detailed plan for me and Paddington and his behaviour is good/very manageable. But I know we wouldn't manage without. (My family, aside from Mr Bear, think I'm a bit bonkers)
But our first (less planned) couple of holidays this academic year were very unsettling for us both. They've gone well since January. But the most I've had to do is 2 weeks...
I can only imagine the strength you're having to call upon to tackle your planning. Good luck and you're right about keeping talking/typing.
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