Too many countdowns and reminders of what's approaching, too much expectation of family harmony and love, too many changes to routines in school and clubs, over stimulation, dysregulation - and birthdays to boot!
It is so overwhelming. Each year I think, 'maybe we'll manage better'. To be fair, in the last few we have done a little better. But this year, nope, it's all crashing down around our ears (school stress has tipped the balance) and I am exhausted already. Hurricane is the personification of Mr. Angry on a hair trigger. Tsunami is a rollercoaster of depression and dysregulation.
Somebody give me hope it can change; or maybe just give me the strength to make it to the New Year. I hope the rest of you are faring better.
(((Leo))), I'm so sorry it feels like you are back to square one. It's just so demoralising.
I have been reading up a lot on trauma work via nicabm.com, watching their webinars when available for free and also Janina Fisher books (healing the fragmented self etc). The field of trauma therapy is constantly evolving and there may be therapies now and in the future which may not have been available to your boys when younger.
I know you have had so much input but maybe there is still something out there, which might just change things. Has anyone done any parts work with the boys?
Butterfly seems to thrive at her boarding school and has even started to go to a mainstream class/activity each week outside school. She manages well, in fact loves it and is really proud of being the only child in school who is able to go to an off campus activity. Sorry, I don't mean to brag, it is just that you asked if things can change, if there is any hope. And currently I would certainly say there is. It is accessing the right support that's right for them and that is difficult to find when the "professionals" are often less knowledgeable than we are.
Abandon the whole idea of Xmas and birthdays if necessary and give all of you permission not to do it. You might as well just dish out presents today and say to them let's just not bother, this is my present to you to not have to put yourselves through all the expectations. - Not sure if this could work? I know it would not be a miracle cure, but might take the lid off the pressure cooker and open up conversation?
Such a bitter time for you personally, you've given so much for so many years and to still have to worry that nothing might ever change; it must take superhuman strength to keep going.
As always, please look after yourself, do anything you need to care for you. Wish I could do more than just giving cyber support, but know that you are not alone. xxx
Thank you. To be fair, we have had a terrible school term with many, many issues caused by the school and their handling (or lack of) situations that have impacted hugely on my boys then, to top it off, we have had a run of wider family crises causing changes to routines.
I think I just needed to write it down and accept that was how I was feeling.
School has thankfully now finished for the term and we should be able to have some much needed core family time together.