the difference?

Having a birth child who arrived unexpectedly after adopting my three children many people ask me about the difference. This is just  my brief feelings 

My adopted children are very hard work. Yes they are all unique but this means that at times I have to parent uniquely to that given child at any given moment.I have had to learn to parent therapeutically and that was very hard to incorporated into a daily lifestyle while also dealing with physio, OT   and consultants.Now it is very naturally .
I knew they would be hard work but I underestimated how hard. I did not know my dd would bring me to my knees and for a while she was returned to the care system after running on empty for so long I had nothing left to give her and when you have a child who has no reason to care for family life and the joys it ca bring to regulated and trauma free people.
I have been educated by them in autism, attachment, ADHD, bi polar, developmental delay,school refusal  how to fight the system, how to get help for them to name just a few things. I have had to deal with running away,suicide attempts, being attacked, police at the home and going to the station.
I have meet really horrid people but I have met some really wonderful people. ds2 has had brilliant consultants and specialists dealing with his complex needs.dd has not been so lucky but she did finally get a wonderful CAMHS team he helped us build bridges of attachment. I have ( new)amazing friends both real and cyber .
But sometimes it is the little things that get me.

Two weeks ago dd went to stay with a coupe who looked after her while at college in Birmingham. AT 19 she wanted to go by herself . I agreed to take her to london put her on the t train that terminated at Birminham  so she could not go beyond her stop and she would be met off the train.It has to be planned meticoauly  But my bs already travels happily to different places and I give no thought to it he just does it. 

I have not had to teach bs (ds3) he taught himself to walk, dress talk,cook. Never really had to worry about him doing things. He arranges his own social life does not need accompany to things.Even when chaos reigns he keeps out of the way and lets me deal with it.I know he was born into a chaotic household and life just is that way for him. He has missed out and compromised on many things .it justs highlight the importance of those very important early years of being cared for appropriately. Not saying I am am perfect. I am not but must have  got it right most of the time. He is so much easier. I never had the teenage angst with him. but them maybe I did but it was so minor compared to his siblings it did not count.
I don't notice it  now but when bs was born the big difference was the smell he had a totally different smell to my other children.


I am proud of all my children and do I love them equally ? I love them all but they  are four individuals  who have their unique personalities so it is the same but different .They  have enriched my life  as well as devastating it at time. I know I can not longer life with ds1 but we have a relationship that works for us. ds2 will never live alone any worry what will happen to him and still working on that. dd is hoping to use the skills she has learnt at college to earn some money.( with lots of help ). ds3 the world is his oyster he has been blessed with brains did well at school and has friends It was nice to have one child who did well and was not scared of the phone ringing to complain about him.

would I do it again. The answer to that varies . I do know I would die for all of them and fight for them to the end of the earth.