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Post by bumbleb33 on Oct 23, 2013 11:15:40 GMT
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Post by annie70 on Oct 23, 2013 12:01:48 GMT
Hi bumble - no need to apologise - and it is only a little rant! What a pain that your intros are delayed... and looking at your signature I see it is his first birthday you will be missing  ... I can understand you would be jealous of that! It sounds like there is nothing you can do about it though so I wonder whether you could celebrate his birthday yourselves during intros or when you get him home? I doubt - at that age - he will have memories of his first birthday so it wouldn't do any harm... and that way you could have the photos and memories you have been looking forward to... just a thought... Hang in there - she may have him another week but you will have him for the rest of his life  Ax |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2013 12:54:13 GMT
We had the same thing happen with my DD Bumble.  We missed YDD's first birthday by a couple of weeks due to SW & FC going on holiday. I was furious at the time as first birthdays are extra special and a big deal to most people. When I related my disapointment to our SW she said flippantly "oh, you'll have loads of birthdays to come" Aaaaarrrrgh! We were allowed to send a present and a card which was on the mantlepiece and in the photo's taken on her birthday, but it was not the same as being there and I felt awful on the day knowing she was one and I was missing her birthday. I like Annie's suggestion though of having another family birthday at home and taking your own photo's - think that's a great idea. |
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Post by bumbleb33 on Oct 23, 2013 13:10:15 GMT
Thanks guys. We've already bought a pressie and I'll be making a card. We'll take a picture of these on the day so that he'll know in the future we were thinking of him on his birthday. Once we meet him we'll be able to have a little celebration, which will be nice but not the same. The phrase that our SW uses which infuriates me is "some things happen for a reason" and I feel like saying - yeah the reason is incompetence!! GRR!
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Post by imp on Oct 23, 2013 18:50:06 GMT
I can understand your frustration bumbleb but as a FC can I just say that sometimes there are things that we just can't change. I personally put a halt to most things to facilitate Introductions, but some appointments and plans just can't be changed
Obviously I don't know the specific circumstances, but perhaps it is out of her control.
Do, as others have suggested, have a quiet birthday celebration once you have LO home with you, he really won't know any different, but do keep it low key----because he will know that his life has changed and will be reactive in many ways.
The main thing is for you to enjoy all your time with you new LO, the special days and the mundane days, they pass so quickly.
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Post by daisy1985 on Oct 23, 2013 19:29:20 GMT
I completely understand, we faced a similar situation
Huey's 4th bday was during intros and when we got the initial plan his birthday had been planned around the foster carers and their family! I was devastated
If his bday had fell on a day if intros where we would have only spent an hour or so then we could have accepted it but on a day when we would normally have been with the boys from breakfast till bedtime so we found it hard to accept!
In the end we discussed the importance of hueys bday to us and how we could imagine he would feel on day 8 out of 10 of intros! In the end it was decided the original plan was NOT in hueys interests and that it was not appropriate to have farewells on his birthday which had been their initial plan! It also wasn't appropriate to plan it so FC son didn't miss out!
Luckily FC didn't make the decision it was the family finder who was thinking it could be a great farewell and also would be good for FC son as he was at school and didn't want to miss out! A big discussion ended well for us but our sw was on side!
I know this is no consolation for you and yes a first birthday is highly important, and I hope the FC reasons are valid and not so that she can spend first birthday with LO! I know there are son fab FCs on here so lets hope yours is a gem like this lovely bunch! Xx
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Post by kstar on Oct 23, 2013 20:15:46 GMT
My intros we're delayed by weeks at the foster carers' convenience, which really wound me up and unfortunately soured the relationship before I even met them :-( it just seemed to be one excuse after another - they wanted Starlet to finish the school term (2 weeks delay), then they didn't want intros in the school holidays because of their BC (another twos weeks), then they went on a spontaneous trip abroad because they wanted to look at property (2 weeks, during which Starlet was home with a respite carer and the BC all got a week abroad). Unfortunately, when we eventually got a date, they then had a bereavement (which had been on the cards for months and was originally the reason panel was moved forward, to get Starlet settled before she suffered another loss) so everything was delayed by another five weeks (at around 18 hours notice and having already started my adoption leave). We then had to battle through intros with everyone emotionally fragile and Starlet had to go through a funeral and another week left in respite care while the family went on holiday together to grieve. Unfortunately it destroyed my relationship with them and we now have no contact at all, which isn't good for Starlet at all.
So yes, rant away!!! I get it!
Hugs xxx
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Post by spideress on Oct 23, 2013 20:58:39 GMT
Our intros were put back 3 weeks apparently for the sake of Incy but upon having a meeting yesterday I found that all the reasons they gave are seemingly nothing to do with him at all but more about giving the SWs time. We have also had what we were told was "best for Incy" changed at least 3 times to what suited them so for eg one moment Incy "needed" to end the first school term then all of a sudden when it suited SWs for him to end mid-term he no longer "needed" to end the school term etc.
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Post by bumbleb33 on Oct 24, 2013 7:47:49 GMT
It seems like I'm not on my own here. The FC does have good reason why she can't do particular days but I don't see why we can't work round those situations. Anyway, it's out of my hands. As is everything - hence my frustration!
Kstar - your situation sounds particularly upsetting, I really feel for you, that must've been so hard.
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Post by moo on Oct 24, 2013 17:51:42 GMT
Hey bumbleb so sorry to hear this...{{{{ Hugs}}}}
So so wretched....
Sometimes f/c really do amaze me.... We have such amazing ones here who are friends.....why can't the others we have to work with be as child driven & easy??.....
Maybe s/w will step in for you.....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by nomoretears on Oct 24, 2013 18:25:47 GMT
I normally move heaven and earth to fit in with new parents plans but have to admit the idea of moving on or very close to a birthday does make me uneasy. I'd be pushing for at least a couple of weeks either side of a birthday before any moves were made. Even with a very young child they will forever come to associate their birthday with uncertainty and change - and our children struggle enough with birthdays as it is.
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Post by annie70 on Oct 24, 2013 20:13:01 GMT
a good perspective nomoretears - and I can really see good reasons for keeping intros away from birthdays and Christmas because of that... our intros are set to end 3 weeks before Christmas - I think if we had said we need to move by a week they would have gone for January in order not to 'contaminate' Christmas... It must still be so hard though - when intro dates move like that ... I know we are finding the wait for panel / intros unbearable... we keep walking past LO's finished room complete with name plate and posters we know he will like - it's torture ... and our diaries are empty of anything not LO related from the minute we meet him... if they move the dates now I don't know what we will do! I just think that the SWs have no idea how stressful it is waiting at home - getting your house ready (partly so you can make a book) - and waiting... and waiting... While I absolutely get that it has to be like this - and that the SWs only care about the children - it is so hard to spend 2 months+ imagining yourself as the parent(s) to a child, telling your friends and family about them and making your house right for them... so further delays to the process really can make you go mad  Sorry for the rant - and the hijack! Probably should have put this somewhere else but I think it does fit with this post... didn't realise how cross I was (with the process - not any individuals) but hey, I think I feel better now |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 24, 2013 22:08:20 GMT
I appreciate what you say about birthdays NMT, but having missed our YDD's first birthday, (due to FC & SW both going on holiday), SS then had EDD's 2nd birthday 3 days early which we were invited to along with all of FC family and friends who knew our LO's, but then moving in day was brought forward, as things were going so well to EDD's actual birthday. If someone can explain the reasoning around that one to me I'd be grateful?  So the day they moved in was her actual birthday, but as we'd all celebrated it 3 days earlier we didn't do anything on the day itself. Funnily enough, as NMT has already said, EDD is ALWAYS very unsettled around the time of her birthday and has never really enjoyed her birthdays at all.  |
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Post by bumbleb33 on Oct 25, 2013 11:49:05 GMT
Just to clarify my situation, the set back is nothing to do with little one's birthday which is actually the day after panel. We were initially supposed to meet little one months ago, well before his birthday.
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Post by bumbleb33 on Oct 25, 2013 11:54:48 GMT
...also we are in a similar situation to Annie with intros being near Christmas, so pushing it a week nearer Christmas is no good. Waiting 4 weeks from panel is gonna be so hard.
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Post by taliesin on Oct 29, 2013 11:20:25 GMT
I get it Bumble.........we're on pins in case theres a delay which means leaving it until after Xmas....not so much because of what we're missing out on - it does come into it a bit, but tbh we're so used to it now, even WE see our feelings as being secondary to everyone & dont even think about what WE WANT anymore...we know where we come on the list, way after LO's (quite rightly), after FC's, after SW's timetables.....
We want them home before Xmas, but are resigned things may not go right and it may be Jan - that would be a nightmare as far as arranging work etc is concerned. We also recently missed LO's 1st birthday...
But no, the main reason why we would be gutted for any delays is because of the LO's.....wont say too much here, but its obvious that 1 of them especially would be better off as soon as possible being placed and settled - crying out for a mummy and nurturing which 1 LO isnt currently getting (not just my opinion but SW's too).....
That breaks my heart....
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Post by bumbleb33 on Oct 31, 2013 9:23:26 GMT
Fingers crossed for you Tali. When will you find out moving dates for definite?
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Post by taliesin on Oct 31, 2013 11:42:36 GMT
We already have them....I'll pm you xx |
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... I can understand you would be jealous of that!
Ax
