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Post by mrsbear21 on Feb 2, 2022 22:17:56 GMT
Thank you Leo. I think that echoes a lot of what I'm thinking. I do feel a connection but I need to engage head fully as well. So helpful to see it written out.
This makes total sense at the moment:
Time spent investigating this now when you have the time and energy to ask questions, to reflect, thinking through together the impact these details you are discovering will have had (and continue to have) for 'your' child, to question yourselves on how you would approach this/what your feelings are about it, will be time well spent
We had a really good session with our SW & FF tonight. Of the 4 we have had CPRs for, we've decided 2 aren't a match for us. And 2 we're asking for some more information as guided by the SW and FF.
SW also wants us to look at some different CPRs if possible. It seems when it comes to it, we're picking very similar children and she's wants us to have a bit more range to really explore what we're comfortable with.
I feel very lucky to be getting really considered advice.
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Post by mudlark on Feb 2, 2022 23:37:04 GMT
Very thoughtful and thought provoking responses. Knowing all I know now, I think taking an emotionally honest look at what you are hoping to get from being a parent is helpful.
I believe as I have said before, that moves in foster care, lots of different carers, people in and out of a child's life compounds the trauma, adds a layer of emotional damage to an already damaged child. It's very draining to have a child like this. It does not add up to what I hoped for, but I accept that I had not really understood the implications of this 'layered' trauma.
All that aside, I do hope you have a good social worker who is guiding you through this exciting and daunting phase!.
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Post by moo on Mar 1, 2022 7:34:24 GMT
Hey Mrs B a month on... what gives?? any new leads or progress with early ones??
Hoping things are good for you...
X moo ðŪ
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Post by mrsbear21 on Mar 1, 2022 20:30:59 GMT
We're hoping one early lead is progressing to a home visits next week. The potentional for that match seems pretty strong and our FF & SW are keen. But we're not the only family being considered.
One could have progressed that far but our SW & FF really weren't keen. Then it transpired they'd held back on a couple of pieces of info so we decided we had to listen.
Then there's some in the background which aren't as progressed, but might be next round so to speak.
It feels like we're moving quite quickly really. Can't believe it's been a month! We're certainly getting into a lot of conversations, which I think makes us quite lucky in the current climate.
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Post by moo on Mar 2, 2022 9:49:16 GMT
WoW great news... yep holding back info is common imho only positive info often shared as whole truth gives the full picture complete with red flags...
So pleased you are so well supported by your sw team... must be a real boost x
Be sure to explore all options equally & thoroughly xx
Thinking of you... good luck for next week....
Xx moo ðŪ
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Post by mrsbear21 on Mar 2, 2022 11:20:59 GMT
Thanks Moo! ð
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Post by moo on Mar 8, 2022 18:26:37 GMT
Good Luck Mrsbear21 Thinking Of You....
Xx moo ðŪ
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Post by mrsbear21 on Mar 9, 2022 18:59:42 GMT
Thanks Moo we should hear tomorrow if they're going to visit on Monday.
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Post by mrsbear21 on Mar 11, 2022 20:20:51 GMT
So I think this possible link could be going somewhere..... But goodness me the SWs have managed things very badly so far. So much extra trauma caused once he and his siblings were removed. Right up to rushing a placement for his sisters. And to top it off we still don't know if they're coming Monday morning...... Anyone know if social workers come back to you over the weekend? I'm assuming not.....
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Post by serrakunda on Mar 11, 2022 22:33:05 GMT
they do like to test your patience !
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Post by moo on Mar 12, 2022 18:42:34 GMT
Oohh so sad sw are a law unto etc...
( I used to say of my pet demon... she worked part time 1 hour a day most days, but of course she had to take 1 hour off daily for lunch too?!!) ð ðŋ ð
Hang in... it always was ss time which was either an age or fast tracked to give Lewis Hamilton a run for his money !?! ðĪŠ ð
Hope Monday happens & that they have not already made up their minds & forgotten to tell you.... Never knew ss to work weekends but there is always a first time....
Good Luck xx
Xx moo ðŪ
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Post by mrsbear21 on Mar 13, 2022 18:02:58 GMT
So Monday is off. But they will be rearranging and have said they'll comw back with another date.
They've already told us we're they're preferred family (that happened at the virtual meeting on Friday). They're tripping over themselves to move us along quickly because they've already split him from his siblings.
But there's still a lot for us to explore and we've always said we're not in a rush. If they want to go too fast and drop us for that reason, so be it.
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Post by leo on Mar 13, 2022 21:03:26 GMT
Sorry, have been following but not posting lately (tough time here).
This sounds like good news - and you are right to want to take your time and be fully prepared.
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Post by mrsbear21 on Mar 15, 2022 19:17:40 GMT
Thanks for dropping in Leo. I really appreciate all the thoughts, especially when everyone is so busy. Hope things are on the up for you and yours soon.
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Post by moo on Mar 21, 2022 19:21:51 GMT
Hey Mrs B thinking of you.... any news?? Xxx
Xx moo ðŪ
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Post by mrsbear21 on Mar 21, 2022 20:13:12 GMT
Hey Moo!
So the rearranged in person meeting is now on 31st. All locked in and works for everyone. We're already their preferred family, and unless we say otherwise we'll be linked post that meeting.
This LA is old school according to our SW, so we cannot speak to anyone else until we're officially linked. But we know who we want to speak to ASAP post linking.
So just at the moment not much is happening. But that feels ok. It's been mad since January reading so many profiles and having lots of meetings. The short pause feels well timed.
And LO needs time to come to terms with his sisters moving out. He's very well attached to his FC and now has her one on one. Rushing it wouldn't be right for him either, so we're pretty comfortable all round.
Mostly looking forward to the 31st!
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Post by moo on Mar 22, 2022 14:33:59 GMT
WoW.. congratulations.... Hoping all goes well & you have all pertinent information xxx
Such Exciting Times..... Brings It All Back.....
Do keep posting especially if any Q's we can help with xxxxx
Keeping everything crossed for you xxxxxx
Xx moo ðŪ
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Post by shadow on Mar 22, 2022 22:22:45 GMT
Beware of the child who has a horrendous history but whose foster carers say they are one of the easiest children they have had in 27 years if fostering - not saying dont adopt them but just be prepared for a possible big change when they are adopted
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Post by leo on Mar 23, 2022 21:06:58 GMT
Glad things are progressing for you. Very exciting!
Keep your head, stay calm and follow your instinct about taking time for both him and you. He potentially has the whole of the rest of his life with you, a few more weeks right now is a drop in the ocean compared to that.
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Post by mrsbear21 on Mar 23, 2022 21:08:04 GMT
Thanks Leo. Couldn't agree more!
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Post by mrsbear21 on Mar 31, 2022 21:49:50 GMT
Just a quick update to say today went well.
LA have a linking meeting to make a decision on whether they're happy to proceed with us on Tuesday. If the link is confirmed then they are looking at going to matching panel either end of April or mid-May.
They have some valid reasons for their preferred timetable; but we've been clear about what meetings and information we need pre-panel to be comfortable with that going ahead. They seemed to take that pretty well; and Mr Bear and I are prepared to walk away if they don't follow through on those.
But all being well, we could be at introductions in about two months which feels pretty surreal..... but also very exciting!
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Post by moo on Apr 1, 2022 18:11:50 GMT
Congratulations Mrs B...
Sounding really positive I get a wonderfully relaxed vibe from you... That in my experience bodes very very well.... loving that you have laid your cards on the table.... exactly right... sw teams need to buzz around allaying all your fears & answering all your Q's & concerns......So So happy for you, your gut will be telling you what you need next/now ...
Sending best vibes & happy matching hopes xxxxxx
Xx moo ðŪ
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Post by mrsbear21 on Apr 1, 2022 18:41:03 GMT
Thanks Moo ð
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Post by leo on Apr 1, 2022 20:40:25 GMT
Oooh, sounding promising!
Really pleased for you. Keep pushing for all that paperwork.
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Post by serrakunda on Apr 2, 2022 9:23:12 GMT
Ooh exciting, it does all feel quite rushed at this point, I remember a whirlwind of meetings, paperwork, sorting stuff out. Easter is coming up, take the opportunity for a breather, a bit of adult mini- holiday congratulations
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Post by mrsbear21 on Apr 2, 2022 23:06:48 GMT
Thanks guys. Will let you know how Tuesday goes!
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Post by moo on Apr 5, 2022 7:59:37 GMT
Wishing You Luck Today Mrs B xxxxxx
Xx moo ðŪ
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