Thank you Leo. I think that echoes a lot of what I'm thinking. I do feel a connection but I need to engage head fully as well. So helpful to see it written out.
This makes total sense at the moment:
Time spent investigating this now when you have the time and energy to ask questions, to reflect, thinking through together the impact these details you are discovering will have had (and continue to have) for 'your' child, to question yourselves on how you would approach this/what your feelings are about it, will be time well spent
We had a really good session with our SW & FF tonight. Of the 4 we have had CPRs for, we've decided 2 aren't a match for us. And 2 we're asking for some more information as guided by the SW and FF.
SW also wants us to look at some different CPRs if possible. It seems when it comes to it, we're picking very similar children and she's wants us to have a bit more range to really explore what we're comfortable with.
I feel very lucky to be getting really considered advice.
Very thoughtful and thought provoking responses. Knowing all I know now, I think taking an emotionally honest look at what you are hoping to get from being a parent is helpful.
I believe as I have said before, that moves in foster care, lots of different carers, people in and out of a child's life compounds the trauma, adds a layer of emotional damage to an already damaged child. It's very draining to have a child like this. It does not add up to what I hoped for, but I accept that I had not really understood the implications of this 'layered' trauma.
All that aside, I do hope you have a good social worker who is guiding you through this exciting and daunting phase!.
Mum to DD Lapwing (13) & DS Peewit (12) Married to Mr Mudlark
So I think this possible link could be going somewhere..... But goodness me the SWs have managed things very badly so far. So much extra trauma caused once he and his siblings were removed. Right up to rushing a placement for his sisters. And to top it off we still don't know if they're coming Monday morning...... Anyone know if social workers come back to you over the weekend? I'm assuming not.....
So Monday is off. But they will be rearranging and have said they'll comw back with another date.
They've already told us we're they're preferred family (that happened at the virtual meeting on Friday). They're tripping over themselves to move us along quickly because they've already split him from his siblings.
But there's still a lot for us to explore and we've always said we're not in a rush. If they want to go too fast and drop us for that reason, so be it.
So the rearranged in person meeting is now on 31st. All locked in and works for everyone. We're already their preferred family, and unless we say otherwise we'll be linked post that meeting.
This LA is old school according to our SW, so we cannot speak to anyone else until we're officially linked. But we know who we want to speak to ASAP post linking.
So just at the moment not much is happening. But that feels ok. It's been mad since January reading so many profiles and having lots of meetings. The short pause feels well timed.
And LO needs time to come to terms with his sisters moving out. He's very well attached to his FC and now has her one on one. Rushing it wouldn't be right for him either, so we're pretty comfortable all round.
Beware of the child who has a horrendous history but whose foster carers say they are one of the easiest children they have had in 27 years if fostering - not saying dont adopt them but just be prepared for a possible big change when they are adopted
Glad things are progressing for you. Very exciting!
Keep your head, stay calm and follow your instinct about taking time for both him and you. He potentially has the whole of the rest of his life with you, a few more weeks right now is a drop in the ocean compared to that.
LA have a linking meeting to make a decision on whether they're happy to proceed with us on Tuesday. If the link is confirmed then they are looking at going to matching panel either end of April or mid-May.
They have some valid reasons for their preferred timetable; but we've been clear about what meetings and information we need pre-panel to be comfortable with that going ahead. They seemed to take that pretty well; and Mr Bear and I are prepared to walk away if they don't follow through on those.
But all being well, we could be at introductions in about two months which feels pretty surreal..... but also very exciting!
Sounding really positive I get a wonderfully relaxed vibe from you... That in my experience bodes very very well.... loving that you have laid your cards on the table.... exactly right... sw teams need to buzz around allaying all your fears & answering all your Q's & concerns......So So happy for you, your gut will be telling you what you need next/now ...
Sending best vibes & happy matching hopes xxxxxx
Xx moo 🐮
Proud single adoptive mummeee to brothers baa & skweek 17 & 16
( 38 & 23 months at placement together ) WoW Where Did The Time Go?....