Year 8 not started well - what to ask for at school

Sounds really stressful and worrying. I wondered if someone could help advocate for your daughter at school and back you up, like Virtual School or post adoption support social worker…

Hi Sivier  - Ironically I have just finished a Teams meeting with my daughters' ( age 12 just started year 8) secondary school for similar reasons plus others which  you have probably read in other threads.
She also has no diagnosis, attachment issues, low self esteem  - also expressed suicidal thoughts.

So what did I ask for. I asked that everyone of her subject teachers have a 10 minute briefing about Lapwing  - so they know her and that they are aware of her behaviours and have a strategy ready - What that strategy is -  I left for them to come up with, I am far to exhausted to think of it for them!

I asked that she has 30 minutes per week with a member for the SEN team to 'check in' and just eat biscuits and drink hot chocolate  - that goes along way for  my daughter! I insisted it must the SAME person every week - or else it wont work.

Because she has run away from school before and has been subject to 'grooming' she has a member of the local authority's 'children's social services' team also see her once a week at school to talk about keeping safe on line and help her with understanding relationships. You don't have the same issues ( I pray you never do) but the Virtual head  - might be able to point you in another direction for some support at school.

I asked that the school  might try and buddy her up with a year 10 girl maybe in lunch time clubs or similar.


I have asked that she does not get detention for not completing homework - that I am contacted instead.

I have asked that a TAF 'Team around the Child' meeting is scheduled for every six weeks. to discuss. This will involve our social worker, teacher, safeguarding lead, SEN team, anyone else I can persuade to attend.

I agree with you that it MAY get worse quite quickly  - Lapwing certainly did get worse quite quickly but her spiral out of control was last year in year 7.
I don't know if you have anyone working with your daughter, or you - but I would find someone asap e.g  application to ASF - if you can work with her now on her lack of self esteem, depression, dysregulated emotions so much the better. You might already have all this in place of course. 

I am very sorry that she is struggling. I really do know how much it can keep you awake. 

Sorry of this is not helpful or you have already done/said/ tried it!

Sivier
Apologies for addressing my post to scaredycats! That is the state my mind is in! ( I have changed it!)
Much Hugs.

Was the same with our AS. He started to go significantly downhill end of year 7. You don't say if she has an EHCP you will need one to be able to hold school to account unless school is very good. Remember school SEN funds are for all additional need including SEMH and that the funds are not just for children with EHCPs. Also Pupil premium plus money must be used to support the needs of care experienced children and as your AD has additional SEMH needs school need to be able to show that they are spending the money in a way that supports her even though the money is not attached to her by name.

You do not need a diagnosis for an EHCP so even if she refuses to attend CAMHS as our son did it does not matter. Don't let them tell you it does. What's important for an EHCP application is that you show that whole school interventions/what has been done so far has not been enough to enable her to engage with learning. So you need to monitor everything so you can make statements like this

Need
X experienced neglect and trauma as an infant which have resulted in Attachment difficulties
➢ Impact: attachment difficulties impact all areas of X's social and emotional well-being and ability to access learning. For example, she is so anxious that she does not put herself  forward for anything and will not enter competitions of any kind even for things she is quite good at. She is overwhelmed by the requirement to .... She therefore displays difficulties of an extreme nature that require a high level of intervention that is not reasonable for the school to provide using standard resourcing. For example she has access to a class TA but this has not stopped her from ...... Her chronic social, emotional and health needs, which have persisted over time, impact on her access to the curriculum; the safety and welfare of x and her peers (e.g., example), and teacher/adult attention and time.


Need
x experiences extreme anxiety and has been referred to CAMHS for assessment as she has expressed suicidal thoughts. She is so anxious that it is proving difficult to get her to attend for assessment. 
➢ Impact: X is constantly consumed with anxious thoughts and the over-whelming need to complete particular rituals. The energy exerted by X to cope with these feelings and thoughts, together with the energy she puts in to trying to focus in class (due to hyper vigilance), leaves almost no mental capacity for learning.


Need 
X presents with a ........attachment style (i.e. is she avoidant, ambivalent, anxious?? etc etc. You can just call this xx attachment style, you don't need a diagnosis.) Impact - X displays fight and flight responses to trauma triggers for example - walking out the classroom, refusing to do work, low level disruption. Make sure you are clear that appearing to be ok in year 7 may well have been freeze/submit trauma response - this looks similar to calm and focused. This means that X is not able to engage with learning and she can tend to put herself and others at risk e.g. ......

Get the post adoption team involved. They may be able to fund or encourage school to fund a neurocognitive assessment or at least a standard ed psych assessment. That way you can get round the enormous wait list school will have for EP assessments by funding one privately. They could use her pupil premium plus money for this.  

You need to be able to say what is and is not working so you need to monitor and keep records of everything. So if she reports that she enjoys weekly meetings with a key staff member but this does not prove adequate to change behaviour you need to say that. If school allow her to piggy back on someone else's TA but this does not prove adequate to enable her to engage with work you need to be able to say that.

Things to ask school to try

1. All staff working with her to have trauma and attachment training
2. Allocate a key member of staff ideally the designated teacher for care experienced pupils to meet her once a week for a de-brief. This could include exploring why she is finding it hard to do things like complete homework. This is likely to be associated with finding the school day exhausting of fearing that she will not be able to do it well enough even if she is able. If she is finding the school day exhausting ask school to make time available for her to complete homework at school by dropping a subject.
3. Agree a safe place where she can go if she feels triggered - this should be somewhere where she can feel relaxed and be supported by an adult. It should not be somewhere shame inducing.
4. Provide a full list of potential trauma triggers in the curriculum. She may have gone downhill because something in the curriculum triggered her
5. Ask for regular meetings to review progress - every half term for example.

Key message don't let them fob you off, don't accept "it's probably just a blip let's wait and see", be clear you know she does not need diagnoses but you are seeking them, monitor everything and keep a record of all incidents.

We have finally got our AS into a trauma specialist school. But without meaning to make you feel despair he did not get a place until year 11! He can however stay until year 13. You just have to keep trying and not give up. Keep us posted and if I can help at all please DM.