|
Post by beckabecks on Jan 31, 2020 14:51:00 GMT
Hi,
Was wondering if anyone else had experienced anger towards adoptive parents having a past before their little one arrived. My son has been with me three years now, but still gets angry at me having had a past before him. He hates photos of me from before he was even born, let alone before he was part of the family and hates the idea of me knowing people that he doesn’t. My sw hadn’t come across this before. It definitely helped when I said it made me feel sad that I missed out on important things from his past and how I wish I’d known him in his baby photos, mainly curious to know if others have experienced this.
|
|
|
Post by flutterby on Jan 31, 2020 15:23:19 GMT
Yes, we have this too. It's really triggering for Butterfly. I think it brings up literally everything that's happened to them. And they can't distinguish between before they were actually born and when they hadn't been with us yet.
|
|
|
Post by beckabecks on Jan 31, 2020 19:12:51 GMT
Thanks. I agree with you, seems to trigger memories, but not consistently. Same as when I rest my head on my hand, leaning on my elbow. He gets quite angry and upset, so assume it’s a stance from the past that triggers negative memories.
|
|
|
Post by leo on Jan 31, 2020 20:53:28 GMT
This has been a problem here too in the past - but at 9 years in I think we have come through it.
Whether that's because they are older and understand time more, or aren't bothered now because as teenagers they don't even want to be associated with me, or that we now have enough history of our own together that they feel safer and more a part of something themselves so aren't so jealous I'm not sure.
Having lots of photos of us together, them with family and friends spread liberally around (not just here but in family and friends' houses too) helped a bit I think?
|
|
|
Post by beckabecks on Feb 1, 2020 9:57:18 GMT
I’ve Loads of photos of my son here at home, with various people friends and family, but hadn’t thought about at other people’s houses. thanks.
|
|