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Post by flutterby on Jan 30, 2020 13:44:15 GMT
Had a pretty horrendous time yesterday. Butterfly came home, was supposed to do homework, flew off the handle and left a trail of destruction, kicked and hit, threw a massive plant pot with plant across the lounge and ripped up an old photo of hubby and me when we were young. Pre-digital age and I don't think we can replace it. I am really gutted she did this, everything else is bad enough, but this felt awful.
And all because of school again. I cannot believe their insensitivity and sheer ignorance. She got in trouble for not getting the relative height of some letters wrong and they wanted her to rewrite the text she had had to copy the day before. All signed with a - what looked like an angry smiley - and we get hell to pay for it. What's wrong with these people?
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Post by chotimonkey on Jan 30, 2020 14:11:52 GMT
Ugh school/ hwk... big triggers for us here too.
so sorry you all had a tough day yesterday and very sad that your picture was destroyed.
squirrel has some copies of pics of her with us in her room and she has been known to rip them down and throw them around in hwk related stress.
where are you with hwk.. do you always do it/ gage it/ return it undone with a note/ ignore it sometimes?
we have always done it... till silverbacks intros when we said to school we wouldn’t be doing any hwk between intros and Christmas... it made me rethink whether we do it or not.
id be tempted next time, to say to school: she has done this to the best of her ability, she’s taken the correction and will apply it to her next work, but there’s no benefit to her copying it out again. (Probably with my own inappropriate emoji, but that would just be for my own perverse pleasure and probably wouldn’t help much 😜)
to butterfly I’d maybe look at the hwk on my own first... make a list of all the things her teacher hasn’t noticed that she’s done well really praise her up for them and leave it there if necessary.., or if she’s ready look at the letter formation a little.
we are in the middle of some school anxiety/ out burst related stuff with squirrel with Camhs... happy to share if it’s helpful
Give yourself some breathing space to, so hard when something is so triggering for our kids
xx
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Post by moo on Jan 30, 2020 20:44:43 GMT
Great reply from choti....
Grrr homework is impossible... we had/have terrors too here.... school in our exp never ever get it.... seems madness at primary in my view in any case...
Sending hugs... with a tear in my eye your precious photo xxxxxxxxx
Xx moo xx
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Post by flutterby on Jan 31, 2020 15:28:54 GMT
Thanks Choti an Moo. Hoping for a fairly uneventful weekend. It is the relentlessness of the whole situation, a few moments of seeing Butterfly how she really is, followed by lots of rages, violence, aggression, then she seems to break down become extremely clingy and can't stop telling me how much she loves me. Can't cope with this and then we're back to violent behaviour.
So I really wish we didn't have to deal with school trying to undo all the progress we had made over the years.
Well, our appointment with the children's psychiatric unit can't come soon enough.
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Post by beckabecks on Jan 31, 2020 19:14:34 GMT
Good luck with appointment. Do you have a date yet?
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Post by leo on Jan 31, 2020 22:26:42 GMT
Is homework a legal requirement where you are? If not, could you simply tell school you will no longer be doing it as your family safety and sanity is more important?
I had to do this. One teacher accepted this without too much of a problem and never sent any home. The other teacher implied she understood, sympathised over how hard it must all be ... and then proceeded to continue sending homework, saying, 'Oh I thought I'd send it so you could choose whether you want to or not each week'. Aaargh. She completely missed the point that Tsunami was so compliant, wanting to please and also not wanting to seem the odd one out, that he felt he HAD to complete it and simply thought I'd lied to him about not needing to do it.
We are thankfully now in a school who don't believe in homework for any of their children. I wish more felt the same!
I hope you find some way around it.
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Post by leo on Jan 31, 2020 22:29:32 GMT
Ps. I scanned all my old photos after a similar incident. Even the ripped one came out fairly well and is barely noticeable behind glass. (Although, I did remove the glass from all our photo frames for many years!)
Doesn't take away the emotional hurt of it but did at least let me feel a bit of one-up-manship!
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Post by flutterby on Feb 1, 2020 4:26:44 GMT
Our appointment is 14th Feb, so not too long to go. Sadly homework is very much compulsory, but I sometimes I will send in a note saying she could not do it. The worst they can do is report me to social services - who incidentally were not interested when I had someone round after my paediatrician recommend I try and get some support through them. All they had to say in summing up was "Well, you'll just have to fulfill your parental duties, won't you".
My foot has never itched so much to kick anyone's bottom as in that moment.
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