Hi Daffin, I have strategies, and they usually work, most of the time in fact. I suppose it is just all too easy to be lulled into a false sense of security and forget ( or is it bury) the reality that the children are not totally fine and cannot always cope with things. Its always a shocker when it happens and I always get upset, but things move on again....as is the way!
Mum to DD Lapwing (13) & DS Peewit (12) Married to Mr Mudlark
Interesting what you say Daffin about NVR DH went to a session a couple of years ago. We had misunderstood and thought 'non violent resistance' was the same as 'safe restraint' !! Anyway recently I received by email the flyers for PAC NVR course and I said to DH maybe we should see if we can get to them...or at least one of us. But he wasn't keen on the basis of what he had already heard. He didn't think we had anyone suitable be the supporters for starters.
I would recommend NVR. Nothing is a magic bullet and adopters have to do NVR a bit differently to avoid shame but it helped us feel competent and supported. Our children can make all the adults around them feel incompetent. Agree though that supporters are key. Ours come round and clear up the carnage and make all of us tea and food. They then join us once it's all calmed down to do a de-brief with Monkey Boy re-iterating the initial statement about the behaviours that will not be tolerated but stressing we are all there to help. For Monkey Boy there is no point doing this until the next day or later so we just do it when it's convenient for the supporter. Even then we need to keep it really really quick. He can't tolerate long drawn out sessions. It's good for him to see that they still like him despite standing with us against the behaviour. It doesn't stop the behaviour we just all feel better able to cope with it. Note sure if that helps.
Mum to AS, Jealous Dog (18) and AS, Monkey Boy (16), married to Rundad
I particularly liked the reconciliation gestures and it did feel as though it improved our ‘parental presence’, it’s just that long term it didn’t shift our Monkey Boy’s behaviour. But he is perhaps quite an extreme case.