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Post by mudlark on Feb 27, 2018 9:53:04 GMT
...so I was cleaning the rubbish from under Lapwings bed this morning, and came across a little notebook, a diary that she has been writing on and off since Christmas day. So I read it of course. In it she compares her life to Hetty Feather ( A series of very popular books/tv series about a Victorian foundling who lives in the foundling hospital in London), she talks about how badly she is treated, my evil ways, her F******* Dad, and so it goes in in high melodrama with swear words I didn't even know she knew.
(She is 8 nearly 9). I suppose I am slightly taken aback by the way she portrays me and her Dad, when on the surface she is mostly very sweet and loving to me. I have never stopped her reading or watching Hetty Feather. Hetty is a feisty 10 year old who takes on the authority figures in her orphanage and tirelessly searches for her birth Mum. But the diary makes me wonder if we need to find alternative role models/heroines for her to identify with.
The problem is , her life has been difficult so she is never going to identify with all the middle class girls in Mallory Towers or Narnia......anyway...two questions, should I in a round about way talk to her about 'swearing' and secondly, anyone got any ideas for alternative female role models! .....some may say serves me right for reading her private diary.....But she should have hidden it better!
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Post by esty on Feb 27, 2018 12:50:49 GMT
Oh I love it. I'm not sure that you couldn't put this more down to fertile imagination? As she is so different to you to your faces. I Would find something relevant that has just popped up somewhere and then use that to discuss. EG some famous author talking about portraying their family or as in the news- comedians (male and female) using their family members to be the butt of their jokes. Discuss to allow or not allow. So you are eluding to it but not admitting seeing it. Write your own story with her with her as funny villain - is she ok with it, is it a true portrayal, etc. Through what comes out I'd then decide whether I needed to investigate futher as whether she really isn't seeing you as how you think any further. Take her to see Black Panther and discuss the strong female characters of which there are many. We critique everything we see with What was it like from disabled perspective, woman's perspective, gay perspective, etc. I'd love to meet your Lapwing
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Post by larsti on Feb 27, 2018 13:35:07 GMT
Personally I would just store the info away and not do anything as a result of it, just be grateful for a little window into her mind.
Its good that she does write. My BD had kept a diary on and off for about 10 years. She has started another one within the last year (she's 18 now) She leaves it lying around in her room but I was only tempted to peek once (and felt justified as I was concerned about her mental health and eating patterns).
Its very therapeutic to write so I would encourage that (except you don't know she does!!)
Does your DD read any other Jacqueline Wilson? Probably a bit young for them? Both of my BDs read Jacqueline Wilson but I can't remember what age they were. But at least some of the stories are more contemporary. If you read one together you might get a chance to talk about some issues?
I am not sure about role models as such in fiction. I always think enjoyment is the first thing and escapism is part of that (so doesn't matter if your DD doesn't see herself in stories IMO) and latching on the tragic stuff I suppose is inevitable.
I think JK Rowling said in an interview that all children want to be orphans (I am not a fan of JK Rowling!) I thought that was a silly thing to say. But there are rather a lot of them in children's fiction......maybe because they can be indepependent??
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Post by jmk on Mar 2, 2018 11:28:44 GMT
I agree with Larsti and think it's great that she is expressing herself in writing her thoughts down as a way of release, be it fiction or fact.
I wouldn't say anything to her about it as she will see it as a betrayal of trust if you've read her private diary. Better to read and see how she's doing, what she's thinking etc, and then you can discreetly start discussions about what she's been writing about and clarify what she's thinking/saying.
It is good to have an insight into how she's thinking or what's troubling her.
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Post by chotimonkey on Mar 3, 2018 13:52:12 GMT
All fab advice... and also it reminded me... I had a diary from about ten and although I had a happy childhood, my diary says otherwise because I mainly used it when I needed to vent... and was very pre teen drama queen.
It was a safe place to experiment with the language I was learning at school and also a place to be the star of my own melodrama.. it wasn’t massively self reflective, I never reflected on my own behaviour... it was also heavily influenced by books/ films that usually had to have v unsympathetic parents in order to give the protagonist time to grow independently... but of course at ten that was way to much to realise, so it just seemed that child vs adult was the natural way to be...super cringe to read back in even a few years
So maybe not a complete picture of how she feels about her place in your family, maybe some of it is just her time of writing/ developmental age abd influences
Xx
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Post by mudlark on Mar 6, 2018 23:13:31 GMT
Lapwing has now told me of her own volition that she has a secret diary....'great idea' I replied nonchalantly..
In yet another notebook hidden under dirty socks,tissues and other crud, she has also started her autobiography called 'An Adopted Life'...she has only written 3 sentences so far....but I cant wait to read it!
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Post by larsti on Mar 7, 2018 10:27:04 GMT
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Post by esty on Mar 7, 2018 15:47:27 GMT
I think its great. she appears to be processing it all and if she does write about being adopted I think this can only be good.
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