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Post by topcat on Jan 31, 2017 9:56:01 GMT
As you know Brains is testing us to the absolute limit, we now have a special support worker, a new strategy which involves holding firm without wavering an inch and we are already on our last legs after 6 months of aggression, mind games and destruction... Lately I have had a strange 'out of body' feeling of looking in on myself and observing, quite neutrally, what actually happens when one is under this much stress. I've googled mental breakdown but to save you the trouble here are some of my observations: - Losing one's train of thought
What was I writing about again, oh yes,
- Walking into things: bruises from altercations getting blurred by cupboard doors, edges of beds, a plant pot
- Forgetting where you were going: halfway to somewhere completely different before I realise
- Poor sleep, crazy dreams
- No connection with hunger - poor food choices
- Underlying feeling of nausea
We talk about finding time for 'you' and I agree but lately any time we manage a straight forward routine or I have some free time feels more like time to fall apart - keeping going in the stress feels safer.
Now this is interesting isn't it because isn't that just how our kids feel? So, moving on to what it actually means to be 're-traumatised':
Separate to the feeling more angry than you ever thought yourself possible or arguing with your partner which you never did before there are physical aspects much like those above.
I find myself flinching as I'm grabbed, or pushed or pulled, a more urgent need to get away and a more conscious fear of getting hurt than 6 months ago. After persistent hammering at a door to a room in which I had put myself for safety and calming down's sake I jump out of my skin at the banging of a football in a hall (friend's kid, no football in my house!) My patience disappears in an instance and my self-control hangs on a thread.
Of course writing in such a detached manner about all this could mean all is already lost and I have metamorphised into a strange parent-therapist-alien, recogniseable only on Planet Adoption and no longer able to communicate actual feelings without summarizing and assessing all the implications, judgements and consequences that may follow.
The good news is, it looks like your sense of humour is the last to go...
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Post by serrakunda on Jan 31, 2017 12:22:56 GMT
hugs topcat
I recognise a lot of those behaviours, and Simba I know is no where near as challenging as Brains.
I am today quite battered and bruised. Yesterday I took a 'trip' from the top of my stairs to the bottom, bringing two picture frames down with me. The stairs are steep, but I've lived in this house for 18 years and the only other time I've fallen down them was the day I moved in and slipped on the loose carpet. I think I was just completely shattered ( it was 5.30 in the morning) Simba slept through the whole thing.
the me time thing is interesting. I don't work Thursdays and Fridays. So I have a lot of me time. But I don't stop! Allotment,gym, shopping, housework. Every two weeks or so I meet up with a group of mums of children with ASD, we have breakfast, laugh and talk. But I'm always on the go and occasionally I 'lose' time. On Fridays, if time I have lunch at the coffee shop at the gym. I 'read' a magazine, and suddently find an hour has gone by and I haven't a clue what I've read. At least I'm getting fresh air and exercise.
Oh and I cannot remember anyones' name !
and my bruises are very impressive - Simba turned quite pale !
I think whilst you can articulate what you are feeling and how that influences your behaviours all is not lost, the link to planet earth remains, we are just on a different orbit
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Post by topcat on Jan 31, 2017 12:31:17 GMT
OW! I like the idea of orbiting earth - yes yes to the time thing, realised it's another aspect and at the moment I am in wonder at the very idea of making any plans for next week, let alone 'the future', it's one of the things making holding work down difficult but maybe I should try and find some zen mindfulness in it  |
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Post by elderberry on Jan 31, 2017 12:44:13 GMT
The most familiar one to me is the lack of patience, and with it the playfulness that is the P in PACE. I was in the kitchen the other day and DD put her hand round the door and turned off the light, and I yelled at her for five minutes. I can't even say how I reacted when she took off the orthodontic elastics she'd been wearing overnight and placed one in each of my slippers. Things that ought to be the most minor of practical jokes become full-blown crises. And as for the actual full-blown crises...
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Post by topcat on Jan 31, 2017 13:03:04 GMT
Elderberry - how are the cats?
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Post by elderberry on Jan 31, 2017 13:21:46 GMT
The cats are living half an hour away. They aren't the happiest creatures in the world but they are safe. The real issue is that I don't know how I'm going to get them back because I've made this rod for my own back by telling DD that things have to change before they can come back; I'm increasingly wondering whether she is actually able to change anything. PASW is coming in weekly to work with her on it, but last week's session deteriorated into crisis and a load more damage to the house (all in front of SW, which was quite a good thing).
Don't want to hijack your thread, topcat. Things are in a state of flux here. Once I understand it myself, I will be able to post more coherently. We have been this close to disruption once before and fought our way out of it, so I'm still hopeful, at the same time as tearful.
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Post by mudlark on Jan 31, 2017 13:22:04 GMT
Elderberry I think that's a good point about patience, I seem to suffer from patience fatigue. It's horrible when actually quite innocent little pranks and jokes push us over the edge, in fact it seems to be those little things that often do push me over, the huge crisis I am often quite calm about. I think its the fact that when you are on high alert all the time, as we parents often are, the merest little spark can light the touch paper. I guess that's how our children are too. My sense of humour is still intact Topcat but my playfulness has gone for a long walk!
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Post by daffin on Jan 31, 2017 13:59:29 GMT
I totally recognise what you're talking about!
The loss of playfulness, the anger. I also feel hollowed out exhaustion. I wonder whether DH and I are both now depressed.
Monkey Boy played nicely with me before breakfast this morning and it was a complete revelation. I am still able to relate to him and enjoy him. I've genuinely been wondering as I'm so fed up with the utter relentlessness of his behaviour. He played. I played. Mostly parallel play. But it was good natured. Hurrah!
Top Cat - sounds so hard. I hope the specialist support worker makes a difference. We are finding it is gradually making a difference for us. We're 2 months in now and I can certainly feel my sense of life just being a trudge receding.
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Post by esty on Jan 31, 2017 14:15:11 GMT
Yep here too! Just fed up of everything being a battle. Carer stood in awe the other day when she watched LM meltdown because his trousers touched his shoes and there wasn't another pair of trousers to put on. Desperately trying to stay me!
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Post by topcat on Jan 31, 2017 18:19:54 GMT
Elderberry this thread is for all of us...I miss the ARF threads...glad the cats are safe, interesting to hear what SW makes of your DDs latest, our worker tiday suggested from what we described today Brains was reaching the peak of his resistance to the new strategy. Funny, cos we have a feeling he is just getting started.
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Post by serrakunda on Jan 31, 2017 19:43:09 GMT
patience?
what is this of which you speak?
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Post by topcat on Feb 2, 2017 8:57:28 GMT
aghhh and forgetting passwords, and pin numbers, and telephone numbers...
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Post by caledonia on Feb 3, 2017 13:41:42 GMT
no patience; no memory; not achieving anything; losing time; not knowing who I am; driving to trampolining and finding I am actually at theatre group; not managing to remembering to do the washing; not having done the shopping; the list goes on.
This just seems normal to me these days.
Cale
x
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Post by daffin on Feb 3, 2017 14:44:03 GMT
Noise sensitivity?
I nearly had to walk out of a place earlier today because there was a buzzer going off....
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roonie
New Member
Married Adopter
Posts: 20 
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Post by roonie on Feb 12, 2017 12:27:13 GMT
Exhaustion, lack of patience, loss of sense of humour o and putting the milk in the dishwasher! 😊 Happy Sunday all!
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Post by daffin on Feb 12, 2017 14:36:05 GMT
Weekends. bl**dy hate them!  |
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Post by topcat on Feb 13, 2017 9:55:43 GMT
tell me about it...our stand-offs were:
1. shower (Saturday night)
2. wellies (Sunday morning)
3. who sat where in the car (Sunday morning)
4. walking (back from edge of village after having to stop the car because it just became too dangerous to continue)
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