Post by threelittlechicks on Jan 20, 2017 9:26:50 GMT
Hi Roonie
As a husband, I've seen this thread, not quite knowing how to helpfully respond! Take what is worthwhile from my ramblings and ignore the rest!
I certainly can relate to the sitting reading football on the iPad. I do this all the time! It's my way of relaxing, sometimes of waiting for a child to get pj's on (can take a long time here!), and stops me getting wound up that a 30 second thing is lasting so long. It has become habitual, and probably could be cut down on, if I'm being honest.
However, I also wish that my wife would sit down during these times and do some relaxing reading. But she views this moment as an opportunity to do at least three chores! And at times she can get a little worked up trying to do all these things. And that frustrates me, because I wish she would just sit down!
Perhaps that is part of the difference between men and women. But in a nutshell, it describes what works and doesn't work for us:
1. We both need our own downtime - that 2 hours you had when they went swimming is essential!
2. We need downtime together - quality time, not when we are both exhausted. And not just to discuss the newest behavioural strategy!
3. Joint family therapy with a psychologist from Social Services Adoption and Fostering team was HUGE for us. Not only did it validate what was normal child behaviour and what definitely wasn't and therefore was really difficult to deal with, it gave us a forum to discuss how to deal with a particular behaviour together as a team.
4. My wife is a SAHM. It took me quite a while (years) to fully grasp that whilst I have a (sort of) 9-5 job, hers is 24 hours. Even more reason she needs time to sit down. But I needed to appreciate that more
5. Which leads to my final point......it might sound cheesy, especially coming from a man, but have you done the Love Languages test?
www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
It really is good. I'm not naturally a gift buyer. In fact, I don't really get much pleasure at even receiving gifts. So it doesn't occur to me to do that for my wife very often, other than the obvious anniversary, birthdays etc. However, as this quiz says it is her primary love language, I now know that the simple unexpected bouquet of flowers means the world to her. And it works in reverse. If she doesn't ask me how my day is, I stubbornly won't tell her. But I love it I when she sits down and listens to my pathetic stories of how hard my job is!
I hope some of this helps, even a little! It certainly is hard work, and with a demanding third party in the mix, it is quite easy go to he who shouts loudest, and it isn't usually the one still reading about football!!!
3LC
As a husband, I've seen this thread, not quite knowing how to helpfully respond! Take what is worthwhile from my ramblings and ignore the rest!
I certainly can relate to the sitting reading football on the iPad. I do this all the time! It's my way of relaxing, sometimes of waiting for a child to get pj's on (can take a long time here!), and stops me getting wound up that a 30 second thing is lasting so long. It has become habitual, and probably could be cut down on, if I'm being honest.
However, I also wish that my wife would sit down during these times and do some relaxing reading. But she views this moment as an opportunity to do at least three chores! And at times she can get a little worked up trying to do all these things. And that frustrates me, because I wish she would just sit down!
Perhaps that is part of the difference between men and women. But in a nutshell, it describes what works and doesn't work for us:
1. We both need our own downtime - that 2 hours you had when they went swimming is essential!
2. We need downtime together - quality time, not when we are both exhausted. And not just to discuss the newest behavioural strategy!
3. Joint family therapy with a psychologist from Social Services Adoption and Fostering team was HUGE for us. Not only did it validate what was normal child behaviour and what definitely wasn't and therefore was really difficult to deal with, it gave us a forum to discuss how to deal with a particular behaviour together as a team.
4. My wife is a SAHM. It took me quite a while (years) to fully grasp that whilst I have a (sort of) 9-5 job, hers is 24 hours. Even more reason she needs time to sit down. But I needed to appreciate that more
5. Which leads to my final point......it might sound cheesy, especially coming from a man, but have you done the Love Languages test?
www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
It really is good. I'm not naturally a gift buyer. In fact, I don't really get much pleasure at even receiving gifts. So it doesn't occur to me to do that for my wife very often, other than the obvious anniversary, birthdays etc. However, as this quiz says it is her primary love language, I now know that the simple unexpected bouquet of flowers means the world to her. And it works in reverse. If she doesn't ask me how my day is, I stubbornly won't tell her. But I love it I when she sits down and listens to my pathetic stories of how hard my job is!
I hope some of this helps, even a little! It certainly is hard work, and with a demanding third party in the mix, it is quite easy go to he who shouts loudest, and it isn't usually the one still reading about football!!!
3LC