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Post by corkwing on Apr 11, 2016 9:49:58 GMT
Mackerel's been quite volatile recently - absconding from the care home, getting drunk, etc. He was taken to A&E the other day and told that he was lucky that he hadn't taken his medication as, with the amount that he'd drunk, he could have been in a coma. His response? He's stopped taking his medication regularly.
We rang the care home yesterday morning to confirm details of our contact session with him. After a bit of a chat they told us that he's taken to carrying blades and threatening people with them. They do, of course, remove them when they find any, but can't guarantee that he wouldn't have any.
We (Kermit and I) had a quick discussion, did a risk assessment and decided that there was no way that we were going to take his siblings to see him. They've had enough carp from him without the potential terror of being threatened with a knife.
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Post by bop on Apr 11, 2016 10:07:25 GMT
((hugs))
That is such a hard decision to have to make....
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Post by jmk on Apr 11, 2016 10:40:38 GMT
Sounds like a wise decision at least until Mackerel is in a better frame of mind.
Hugs toyou and Kermit, it must be so worrying. x
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Post by serrakunda on Apr 11, 2016 11:15:19 GMT
sensible decision.
Does the care home not have powers to search before visits ?
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Post by corkwing on Apr 11, 2016 12:12:21 GMT
I don't think that they have the right to search, unfortunately. It's not a secure home.
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Post by milly on Apr 11, 2016 12:15:07 GMT
Right decision but how sad you had to make it. Doesn't the home need to keep other inmates safe? One would think carrying a blade would be a threat to all.
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Post by corkwing on Apr 11, 2016 13:17:44 GMT
Yes, and it's a worry to us. At what point will they turn round and say that they can't keep themselves or the other residents safe? He's grown and is a big lad. Often they only have women on duty and have said that they are concerned at times that they don't have the strength to restrain him if he kicks off.
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Post by daffin on Apr 11, 2016 18:56:58 GMT
Sounds very worrying. I hope for all your sakes that he doesn't have to move again. The unit sounds so good in so many ways.
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Post by damson on Apr 11, 2016 19:42:39 GMT
Risk management makes sense. Are the Unit making any headway with M? Their own risk management should be taking effect here. They either believe that they can manage his behaviour or they have to start discussing his next placement. Surely it isn't ok to have his unit staffed by a team who cannot contain him if necessary?
What does Ms sw have to say about the risk of placement breakdown?
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Post by pingu on Apr 11, 2016 20:26:40 GMT
I am wondering what age he is now, that might affect their decision? Maybe they would consider secure accom, if they end up feeling unable to contain him, as actually that might be better for him at the moment, to protect him from his own actions as well as other people.. Hope they dont take too long deciding their plan of action. Totally think you made the right decision concerning the other kids.
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Post by corkwing on Apr 12, 2016 7:29:26 GMT
They have had a number of risk assessment meetings around various issues. The concensus is that they want to keep him in his current placement if possible. That's also what we want. So everyone wants him to remain there if we can manage it.
They are doing a LOT towards that. For instance, they haven't filled one of the available rooms - which must be costing them a LOT of money.
My guess is that it would be really difficult to move him to somewhere secure as he hasn't been sentenced to that by a court and neither does he have a mental health issue that would be considered severe enough for him to be sectioned. He's coming up to 16, so I would guess that even if we managed to get it to happen, at age 16 he'd have a say and it wouldn't be sustainable.
It's all very frustrating! There are things about the placement thta he finds really irritating, such as staff "following him around". But he can't/doesn't/won't get it into his head that if he'd stop acting like a right plonker, then they'd stop following him around. Like there's somewhere he can go to cool down. If he'd just go there, pace up and down, swear his head off if necessary and then return to where he's supposed to be, no one would follow him there. But while he continues to bang on windows, kick doors in, climb through windows, etc. they will continue to monitor him. It's in his hands and that's unfortunate because he seems incapable of grasping opportunities that are offered to him.
Part of me - and this is the frustrated part - says, "Stop wasting such a huge amount of tax payers money on him. It would be better spent on someone who can - or at least tries to - take what's being offered."
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Post by topcat on Apr 12, 2016 7:38:16 GMT
I'm happy for my taxes to be spent on boys like Mackerel...
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Post by milly on Apr 12, 2016 7:50:12 GMT
Me too because he really needs it. I know what you mean Corkwing (feel the same about my dd, at a somewhat lower level too - why can't she just do x, especially as when calm she herself expresses perfectly reasonable responses which go out the window under stress) but the fact is he just can't change, for now anyway.
Fingers crossed he can stay in this placement.
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Post by caledonia on Apr 12, 2016 9:34:32 GMT
What a hard decision to have to make.
My on-going issue with my two is 'if only they would..................'. In my rational moments I know they just can't but increasingly I get more frustrated that they can't.
Cale x
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Post by jmk on Apr 12, 2016 10:20:22 GMT
Yes, if only we had magic wands ........
Did any of you watch Panorama on monday? Very sad and shocking story of how children are being let down by CAMHs and the government. Worth a watch on catchup if you can bear it.
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Post by fruitcake on Apr 12, 2016 10:35:35 GMT
Have the police been involved? Threatening people with a knife is quite a serious criminal offence. It would be better for him to face legal consequences now while he is still a minor and will get help as well as sanctions. Once he reaches adulthood he will be subject to the full force of the law and precious little help. Notifying the police would be something you could do as a family with or without the professionals on board. Suppose he were to turn up at your house drunk and with a knife, or threaten your other children while out and about? Sorry you are going through this.
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Post by larsti on Apr 12, 2016 19:18:54 GMT
What I really wish for you is that you didn't have to make decisions concerning Mackerel and 'they' would do all that. After all he doesn't live with you. Obviously the decision about contact is your domain but the other stuff 'they' should be doing IMHO. It frustrates me that these homes don't/can't have more control over the young people. Apart from the fact that there are several adults on duty round the clock, I wonder if they are any better than a child being at home (in terms of preventing a child running away and that sort of thing). If a 16 year old was getting drunk and threatening people with knives and they still lived at home, wouldn't the parents get fined or something? Or is that something that was brought in and the scarpped again. I agree with Fruitcake and would inform the police of what you know. Then apart from anything else you have a clear conscience if Mackerel hurts anyone or gets hurt himself. I remember someone on the old boards was desperate to keep their child out of a secure unit but honestly, if they are a danger to themselves and others, including their own family, surely that is the only option. Having said that, this is not a road I would wish to be on.
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Post by jmk on Apr 13, 2016 4:51:48 GMT
Larsti care home staff cannot make a child do anything. They are not allowed to touch them and can only 'request' that things are handed over and if the child refuses, they do nothing because they don't want the child kicking off. This empowers the child to know they are all powerful. It is a tragedy.
I have just written a letter of complaint, cc'd to the IRO, that despite him saying EDD was not to have her phone in her room overnight for safeguarding reasons, she has it all the time as when staff ask her to hand it in, she refuses and threatens to kick off everytime so they let her keep it. I have evidence as I have had texts from her at 1/2/3am on numerous occasions. She was also texting a boy last week, got him to call round to the home at midnight, crept downstairs, opened the front door and let him in before the night duty staff heard them and intervened and asked him to leave. Two nights later she absconded to meet this boy and stayed out with him for 7 hours, god knows where, returning to the home at 2.30am, she is 15 and about 12 or 13 emotionally.
This is the type of care our children get when we are forced to agree to them going back into care. It is appalling and is why I am often awake in the early hours unable to sleep for worrying about her, hence being on here reading and typing this up. It's a nightmare.
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Post by corkwing on Apr 13, 2016 8:05:44 GMT
I agree with jmk. Really, staff at a care home have no more powers than we do at home.
They do have advantages: there are always at least two on duty and they've been trained inrestraint techniques. They also have some emotional distance and they're not on duty all day (and night), every day: they can go home, have some peace and come back refreshed. Also, it seems, unless they do something like beat a child up, it's not seen that things are their fault. So whilst we may be threatened with sanctions if, for example, our child won't attend school, a care home isn't going to get that sort of threat. To some extent, they're taken more seriously than we are in at least some situations. I guess also, they can have a child removed rapidly and with no fault on their part if there's a serious incident. Unlike some parents on here who have to deal with appalling behaviour and seem to be told pretty much that they've just got to put up with it.
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Post by caledonia on Apr 13, 2016 12:26:07 GMT
it doesn't seem right to me. Children in care homes are there as they can't keep themselves safe and need help with it and actually in some respects they are less safe. I can physically take the children's phones off them and as a last resort can suspend the contract so they can't use it. I know there are concerns about some care homes abusing children mentally, physically etc. and so there are limits but surely there is a happy medium?
Cale x
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Post by jmk on Apr 13, 2016 18:04:21 GMT
But they are not secure units so they don't lock the door at night for health and safety reasons in case of fire, it's just a turn key lock and any of the kids (aged 11-15) can just creep down and turn the key and take off if they are quiet enough as the night staff are two rooms away from the front door watching TV and snoozing through the night.
How does that keep the kids safe?
I have asked them to fit an alarm above the inner porch door so at least it would alert night staff that someone had opened the door in the hope they would get there quick enough to stop them opening the outer front door (like the ones they have in shops when someone enters or leaves). Let's see if they do it.
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