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Post by elderberry on Jan 29, 2016 7:49:39 GMT
A colleague of mine has died and his funeral is tomorrow. After several days of pondering, I think I have decided to go, which means I have to take DD with me. She is keen because she's never been to a funeral before, and because it's in Cambridge which is one of our favourite cities to visit. I don't plan to go to the reception afterwards as I know that would be too much for her. Of course I do wonder what issues this might raise. DD worries often -- and not without reason -- that her BM might die. She has asked me whether we would arrange the funeral. But I also sort of think that going to a funeral for someone you don't know is a gentle way to be eased into it. As a young journalist, the first few funerals I attended were for people I didn't know. Of course, DD's seen plenty on EastEnders anyway... Am I mad to do this? Does anyone have any thoughts?
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Post by damson on Jan 29, 2016 9:44:21 GMT
I think it is a very good idea. We have taken our children to funerals, and it is an important part of growing up. They knew that what they had to do was be respectful, as the funerals were not for people they knew well. It means she will learn the form, before she has to go to one where she is very sad. We had no acting up at all.
Does your DD have suitable clothes? This mattered a lot to our children.
When one of my mother's closest friends died last year, my DD wrote her a letter of sympathy. She'd known the friend herself, and felt very sad for Granny. It was a real comfort to my mother. And maybe I should have posted it on Good News, as it showed that years of care and energy by Granny have reached the core of my girl.
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Post by jmk on Jan 29, 2016 10:04:47 GMT
Think it is agood idea as she didn't know your colleague so won't be emotionally attached and it would be a learni g experience for her. Also as you know her well you will be able to judge how she is coping and could slip away if she was struggling too much.
So sorry for the loss of your friend. X
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Post by imp on Jan 29, 2016 18:41:27 GMT
Hope it went well--or at least as well as any funeral can I agree with the other comments, a chance for her to experience something that is a part of life---but in a more detached way.
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Post by esty on Jan 29, 2016 19:03:50 GMT
I took my two 17 and 11 to my mother's funeral. Both coped well. I explained what would happen many times beforehand and talked a lot about what happened afterward. There seemed to be no after effects.
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Post by elderberry on Jan 31, 2016 12:24:34 GMT
Well we did it. DD was pretty calm; it was a very simple funeral. It helped her too that there was an order of service with every word on it, so she didn't have to worry about what was going to happen next. By the time we got outside and were talking to my colleagues she'd had enough of not being the centre of attention, so I was definitely right not to take her to the reception. We built a bear and had pizza instead. She hasn't talked about it since. She may never talk about it. But I'm glad we did it.
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