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Post by ceci on Oct 10, 2013 8:35:56 GMT
I've been an adoptive parent for over 7 years. I've attended numerous training courses on therapeutic parenting, lots of conferences and read lots of books. So for some bizarre reason (prboably because I feel I never get it right) I decided to attend a 9 week parenting course run by our church. Last week was actually quite good. There was a real focus on love based parenting rather than fear/control based parenting, and it seems like next week we're looking at brain development and stress. Reminds me of Bryan Post. So not all negative. Once the DVD lecture was over we had some discussion about what we'd heard and how to apply it. It was then I realised that we adoptive parents do indeed live on another planet. That day I'd dealt with my daughter raging from the minute she got home from school. I'd been pushed, hit, yelled at, her sister had been hurt.... (all fairly normal to be honest). I wasn't at my most therapeutic either so didn't handle it the best and was feeling a bit fragile by the time I went to the course. Well, I was astounded at the examples the other mums were giving. 'I struggle when my child doesn't eat all her tea' or 'should I take my son's pack lunch to him at school when he forgets it?' .... Forgive me if those are the dilemmas you are facing, but I felt like someone had punched me. I wanted to ask 'how can I sucessfully predict a complete rage and melt-down in order to prevent it when my daughter goes from 0 to 100 in a second with no warning?' or 'what do you do to successfully protect your other child from her sister's physical violence!!!'
End of rant (thanks for hearing me out!!), but my advice is to avoid 'normal' parenting courses with other parents whose children operate within the 'normal' range!!!
Ceci
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Post by annie70 on Oct 10, 2013 9:11:50 GMT
Oh Ceci - that did make me smile  Are you going to go the rest of the course?! I guess if those are the only issues they face in life they must feel quite major... little do they know! Ax |
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tootsie
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Post by tootsie on Oct 10, 2013 9:23:55 GMT
Made me smile too! It reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend who has birth children. She told me she is at her 'witts end' as her daughter (9) insists on finishing the next chapter of her Enid Blyton book when she is trying to get her to leave the house!
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Post by smileycat on Oct 10, 2013 9:36:31 GMT
Oh Ceci, I needed a good laugh today! Imagine the stress of coping with a forgotten lunch box or a half eaten tea!! Should lend them DS who will throw his tea plate across the room for fun if my attention is diverted for a second....!!
Honestly!!
Another world...
SC x
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Post by greyspeckledhen on Oct 10, 2013 9:39:26 GMT
yes I can well imagine! I'd like to get a church parenting course up and running here as I think there would be demand for it but I already figured that there's no way I could be the facilitator as my parenting issues might overwhelm anyone else on the course!
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Post by larsti on Oct 10, 2013 10:23:56 GMT
You have my sympathy I was given a flyer for a parenting course by Dash's OT a while ago (and forgive me if I sound arrogant, I'm not really!!) I thought.....YOU are giving me a flyer for a parenting course (I hasten to add there was no suggestion that I/we needed the help but even so, they thought I might be interested!) YOU have 2 small children, are probably 15 years younger than me, I have 4 children aged 23 to 8 (youngest adopted) I COULD RUN A BLOOMING PARENTING COURSE  I HAVE THE T SHIRT, I HAVE THE SCARS, I HAVE SURVIVED!!! Thinking about it now, I should have ripped up the flyer and put it in the nearest bin. I know we can always learn new things and I am open to that, believe me BUT you know   Oh that feels better  |
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Post by moo on Oct 10, 2013 10:35:38 GMT
Sorry not reacting as you may have expected... Gave me such a huge laugh... Oh the joy of half eaten tea or a left behind lunchbox..... Leaves me questioning Are you sure / for real?
Thanx for the giggle.....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by fruitcake on Oct 10, 2013 13:05:42 GMT
I was once offered the chance to join a parents' support group by the police, for parents of exceptionally difficult children, the first time my son fell foul of the law. As I had a baby at the time, newly placed for adoption, and had become very sensitive to the issues of separation anxiety, funnelling, etc. I declined it. I didn't want to leave my baby, but actually I could probably have brought him with me, and I ended up regretting missing out on this opportunity. Could you ask around via the helping agencies to see if there is anything available that suits your needs more?
I totally sympathise with the difficulty of taking "normal" parental worries seriously.
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Post by ceci on Oct 10, 2013 14:33:36 GMT
Hi all. I've calmed down now!! Thank you all for smiling/laughing... I needed to see the funny side
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louie
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Post by louie on Oct 10, 2013 17:56:35 GMT
Made me smile & I need one! Thanks.
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Post by piglet on Oct 10, 2013 20:05:02 GMT
It made me laugh too. Thanks :-)
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Post by phoebe on Oct 10, 2013 20:28:22 GMT
Oh ceci,
that is so reminiscent of an experience I had earlier in the year. I went to the New Wine church event, and one of the workshops on offer was about parenting. I was optimistic that there might be something concrete on offer. Instead, a poor vicar and his wife confessed to their difficulty coping with the fact their daughter was strong willed and often shouted at them! It was coming from a good place, but it was so hopeless! The church should be stepping up and really working at this. There's a strong enough base of experience and a heart for forgiving and accepting, so it's the right organisation to be offering something. i do hope that there can be a joined up effort nationally which can be rolled out regionally, so lots more people can get the help they need. x
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Post by peartree on Oct 10, 2013 20:50:31 GMT
Lol ceci I Blame triple P course locally for my excess weight... There's a chippy on the way home...! They used to leave me til last!!!!!! I'd try and think of something 'mild' like seeing in funny places And look round a room of aghast faces Their kids all responded well to stickers and consistent parenting Ours, erm, respond but are a different planet I find with church things I can't get the level right with fellow parents I never know to say not enough/ too much/ how much Frankly no one who hasn't got a disabled child/ adoptee is going to have much of an idea about planet adoption Recently a very confident parenting couple were taken up by a FC agency and I'm afraid I did smile when these kids running about |
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Post by serrakunda on Oct 11, 2013 19:03:20 GMT
oooo Triple P - run now |
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Post by abiee on Oct 11, 2013 20:00:33 GMT
When we were having a serious crisis and near to breaking point DD set our house on fire. A close friend said to me a few days later 'Oh I know what you are going through now, my DD is getting very rebellious and wearing bracelets to school'
I was speechless
Another very dear friend told me her youngest DS (her sons are absolute darlings) was very strong willed, when pushed for more info she said he often says 'No'
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Post by piglet on Oct 11, 2013 20:02:52 GMT
Abiee. I don't know whether to laugh or cry at that! People really have no clue do they.
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Are you going to go the rest of the course?! I guess if those are the only issues they face in life they must feel quite major... little do they know! Ax
I HAVE THE T SHIRT, I HAVE THE SCARS, I HAVE SURVIVED!!!
