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Post by lilyofthevalley on Jan 13, 2016 20:11:37 GMT
My mother is 93 years old. Until two years ago she was completely independent, very energetic, went for long walks twice a day with her little dog ( she had had a successful hip replacement operation) and had many interests, such as her church, art and crafts and cooking. Then she had occasional falls. She bruised herself badly in one fall. She had a bad car accident and had to give up driving. Then a few months ago she broke her hip in a fall. She had an operation and was left disabled. She started to suffer from dementia. Then yesterday she had a stroke. She's now in hospital. She's lost her speech, has facial paralysis on one side and cannot swallow. I'm travelling down to see her. I suspect it may be the last time I see her. I can't help but think that, if she were a pet, she would be put to sleep. Her quality of life has gone. It's sad isn't it, getting old? Lily  |
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Post by bop on Jan 13, 2016 20:16:11 GMT
((hugs))
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Post by damson on Jan 13, 2016 22:08:20 GMT
Dear Lily
Yes, it's very sad. And truth be told, she may well feel it time to leave, and her reluctant body keeps her here.
It is very hard to die peacefully with all the energy of acute hospital medicine focussed on fixing you up.
I hope she manages a graceful getaway when you are there.
xxx Damson
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Post by mudlark on Jan 13, 2016 22:39:26 GMT
I think it's that bit of 'getting old' where you see someone you love go from being mentally alert, independent, and still fully engaging with life to often quite suddenly, becoming dependent, frail and vulnerable, they start to slip away, and then as Damson says, you have to watch while the dedicated medical staff do the utmost to stop them slipping..
I recently experienced this and a nurse said to me one evening, when I'd been sitting at the bedside of my 97 year old grandmother for hours, she wont want to slip away with anyone watching you know..
.I guess she had witnessed many such scenes in the hospital and she was right, it was only when we stopped the bedside vigil that she did quietly slip away...
Lily, I hope your mother finds a peaceful way to leave...
Thoughts and prayers to you and your mother.
Mudlark.
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Post by moo on Jan 14, 2016 5:11:59 GMT
Sending many hugs your way xxxxx
So awful the decline, so cruel xxxxx
Many hugs & support for you at this very sad & tuff time xxxx
Xx moo xx
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Post by loadsofbubs on Jan 14, 2016 8:13:23 GMT
it is sad indeed. it's a shame that elderly care isn't more like hospice care really. my mum's last weeks and days were managed so differently becoz it was acknowledged that she wouldn't survive and she was given the dignity to die peacefully when the day came. she wasn't old, only 68, but a terminal illness meant a different attitude to quality of life over quantity. hope you can both have the peace you need right now.
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Post by corkwing on Jan 14, 2016 8:41:24 GMT
Big hugs, Lily.
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Post by jmk on Jan 14, 2016 10:37:57 GMT
So sad and so sorry to read this Lily.
There is never a good time to say goodbye. Only your mum will know when the time is right for her to go.
I agree with Mudlarks comments about loved ones not wanting to leave when family are there. My dad asked my mum to go, said he was tired and he slipped away before she got home. He wouldn't let himself go while she was there holding his hand.
Hugs to you. Xx
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Post by lilyofthevalley on Jan 26, 2016 21:50:20 GMT
Thank you all for your very kind responses. Last week I travelled down south to stay with my sister and visit my mother in hospital. She is hanging on - just. It's so sad. She still cannot swallow so is connected to tubes. Her speech is very poor. They think she had another stroke. We had a look at nursing homes for her - if she should recover sufficiently. I don't think she would have any quality of life. The only good thing is we were impressed by the quality of care on the ward. All the doctors and nurses and other staff seemed genuinely very caring.
Lily
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Post by jmk on Jan 27, 2016 11:02:00 GMT
Hugs Lily x
So glad your Mum is getting good care.
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