patanya
Bronze Member
Married Adopter
Posts: 50
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Post by patanya on Jan 13, 2016 17:41:43 GMT
At school today talking to a mum there while waiting for my little boy. In passing I asked her where they were moving to as my little boy had said her daughter was moving. She looked a bit anxious and said they weren't but her daughter was going to a new school. I recognised she was struggling and I didn't persue the conversation. Her daughter has been in the same nurture groups as my LO and does special things at school so I wrongly assumed she may be going to a school with additional support. I just said we'll keep in touch because my LO likes playing with her. I was shocked when she told me her LO was being adopted and she was a foster career. Her other 2 children were being adopted together and this little girl was being adopted on her own. I really felt for her, and for all of her children particularly this little girl who has yet another change in her little life & a new mummy & daddy to get to know. It made me sad too on so many fronts for my little boy too. Don't get me wrong I know it's a forever home she needs but this process is so hard for everyone involved at this stage of the process
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Post by monkey on Jan 13, 2016 18:54:49 GMT
Hi Patanya, I've got gooosebumps reading your post and share how you're feeling.
Could you help your son to make something to take with her?
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Post by bop on Jan 13, 2016 19:47:35 GMT
((hugs))
It is hard for everyone and probably get harder the older the children get when they move...
Bop
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Post by loadsofbubs on Jan 14, 2016 8:23:42 GMT
it's the down side of adoption isn't it? the one rarely talked about. people are usually far more interested to know the 'good' stuff about adoption, the permanence, the new family, the excitement. but adoption really is about loss. everyone involved in the process has had a loss, the child has had many losses from birth family to foster carers, the foster carer will have had many losses and this child is 'just' one more, the adoptive parents have usually come to adoption via loss of one variety or another, the child's friend's lose their friend, usually for ever. some will manage it well, others will struggle. we're human, loss is inevitable but somehow adoption is 'sold' on only the benefits and the losses are rarely acknowledged even when known. i'm actually quite pleased (wrong word really) that you've been affected by this. so many people rarely acknowledge this side of adoption and people who say they are affected by the loss are usually overlooked (certainly foster carers are, particularly by sw's, its just a job after all!). I have friends going through intros at the moment and I know they are on the excited path at the moment, as they should be, but there will be people mourning while they, and me, are celebrating their own joy.
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Post by corkwing on Jan 14, 2016 8:44:32 GMT
Hi, Patanaya -
Lovely to read about your empathy!
In some ways I hate adoption! No child should ever have to go through the pain of it. It's such a tragedy that it's necessary.
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Post by jmk on Jan 14, 2016 10:47:51 GMT
Totally agree with everything LOB's has said and agree often the FC's get forgotten about in the excitement of a child finding their new family.
I find your post very touching Patanya, that the FC was showing emotions and could already feel the loss. She must be one of the good ones who will probably appreciate your understanding at this time. A new friend in the making?
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Post by mudlark on Jan 14, 2016 22:06:53 GMT
I agree with others your post was very moving....just the tragedy of it all ....the sadness of the whole thing...its all wrapped in the positives of finding a forever family...which if of course great...but behind every adoption is a back story of loss and grief...and your story brought it home so clearly.
Thanks for sharing.
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