|
|
Post by littlemisscheerful on Oct 9, 2013 7:53:36 GMT
My ED (yr 8) has had a few days of refusing to go to school.
Last week she was poorly for a couple for days, but then wouldn't go back on Weds/Thurs - did go on friday.
Perfectly happy this morning, but yesterday and the day before, something little threw her off and she just went and sat under her duvet (swearing at me and full of attitude). A bit of gently, gently and a pile of clothes delivered to lounge (with soppy dog for support) and she did get dressed and go.
She doesn't like going late, so if she doesn't make it first thing, I stand no chance of taking her myself a bit later.
I've had a long chat with her teacher who thinks she's happy at school (special school, very well supported).
She alludes to there being a problem, but is adamant she won't tell me what the problem is.
She's just had her 13th birthday, have a feeling that she is finding boundaries to push against.
The not going to school feels a bit like its a challenge to me, because she knows that I can't physically make her go to school.
When at home she's not allowed any electronics, (can watch tv with me). She's done some baking and come with me to do some chores, - but no treats - she understands that she shouldn't be rewarded for not being at school.
I wouldn't be able to get her to do any school work.
I feel a bit of a loser that I can't get her to school - honestly, I envisaged this if she had gone to local secondary -but not where she is.
I guess my question is there anything in particular that I should be doing.
PS I have been looking at the school refusers site.
Thanks. LMC
|
|
|
|
Post by shadow on Oct 9, 2013 8:47:28 GMT
it is horrendous - can school help get her in?
I never managed to get shadette to do any work - I tried to bore her out the house no TV/internet etc - she just stayed in bed all day then or physically fought me to get what she wanted
so no answers - I founf the school refusal site supportive
|
|
|
|
Post by homebird on Oct 9, 2013 11:35:12 GMT
My daughter wouldn't go to school at that age because she'd had enough of the bullying. We hadn't realised what was happening because it was being done by her "friends". Had a chat with her year head and she arranged to move the girls to different tutors and our daughter had to make a new set of friends. Could it be anything to do with that?
|
|
|
|
Post by ham on Oct 9, 2013 15:45:54 GMT
Ds2 hardly did any school from the age of 12. he does have lots of complex needs and was partly due to them.BUt he was also very depressed which did not help the situation. His school ( special) were very understanding I his pediatrician and consultant and some specialists in London all agreed to sign him off so there was not trouble from the authorities .
SO I would speak to the school to see if they can help eg ds2 could not walk in to a classroom so when he made it in would sit in the library doing work sheets or would work in the green house.BUt make sure there is no underlying problem like bulling or an illness.
but so difficult if they decided they just don't want to go.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 9, 2013 16:05:39 GMT
I wonder if someone at school could covertly observe her from a distance.
There could be some low level bullying going on that she might be reluctant to tell you about. If teacher or TA could keep an extra eye out for her they might get to the bottom of it if DD isn't going o tell you what's going on. It could just be that she's feeling left out of a particular group. Girls seem to have loads of silly friendship, cool gang issues around this age, might be this rather than bullying?
Hard one if she's not telling you.
|
|
|
|
Post by kstar on Oct 9, 2013 21:13:45 GMT
It's such a horrible thing and really hard to understand. As a head of house it frustrates the hell out of me, because everyone involved feels so helpless. I can honestly say with seven years experience, i still haven't found a solution. It's just lots of patience and trying different things. We have probably had the most success with older student mentors meeting potential refuses outside school in the mornings to physically walk them through school and jolly them along.
|
|
|
|
Post by phoebe on Oct 9, 2013 21:43:12 GMT
I have used various strategies over the years with school refusers. If you want her to continue attending, I'd consider asking the EWO to do a home visit and then explain they will come and collect her if she refuses again. Sometimes works.
With the very sensitive students who were too upset to come to school it generally worked best to allow them to work in a nurture group or a learning support unit. It's critical to have a 1:1 TA who they get on with available to really support and help them manage anxiety.
As ever with our young people, the more emotional you get, the more she will escalate this. Try to keep it really boring and calm and be matter of fact about this. Just stick to a script: "All children have to be in school until they are 16, you probably prefer to go yourself but if you can't I can get the EWO to take you in".This will just reinforce that you are not giving in and you have support.
Good luck x
|
|
|
|
Post by kstar on Oct 9, 2013 22:00:56 GMT
That must depend on the EWO service available phoebe67 - ours will only do home visits when a prosecution has been successful. Until then they say it is school's responsibility!
|
|
|
|
Post by phoebe on Oct 9, 2013 22:05:04 GMT
EWO services are tasked with preventing and not just resolving long-term attendance issues, so I don't see how they can simply wash their hands? It might be a local decision in your area but then it could be challenged! I'd be taking it to director level if they were not supporting appropriately in my family of schools.
I'll try and check out the legislation but I doubt they have any cover in statute to refuse to assist!
|
|
|
|
Post by littlemisscheerful on Oct 10, 2013 11:30:02 GMT
Thanks all.
When I spoke with teacher she did moot the idea of someone coming to get her.
I really don't think there is any bullying going on (they are very well supervised).
There are more boys than girls, and so the friendship pool is fairly limited, I think she may be a bit lonely.
She is less happy now that yd has moved up to secondary school (yd didn't enjoy primary, but is having a good time in secondary, - is a bit of a tomboy, so is friends with lots of boys).
There's not much that can be done about any of that though.
I'm staying low key, just taking her clothes to wherever she goes after breakfast (tucking herself into a duvet on the sofa etc). She has been all week, - but I do have knots every morning as to how she will be.
Fingers crossed that she continues to go.
|
|
