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Post by fruitcake on Oct 8, 2013 3:11:35 GMT
Wow I am not alone: two others are "viewing"! Well done Minnie for creating this site.
I had a long conversation with dd's piano teacher today. Apparently dd is lazy, disorganised, will probably fail upcoming exam and has been caught out in a lie. (She claimed to have been working regularly on a music website but hasn't.)
In a recent masterclass with visiting bigwig, all the youngsters were asked who they were and what was one of their favourite things. The others all said "swimming" or "my puppy" or some school subject, but dd said "my family" in a tragic voice.
She is quite bright but very inattentive and not really interested in academic work (or piano!). She loves her ballet classes but struggles to fit in and gets picked on (in a minor way by just a few girls) and doesn't really mix much even with the nicer ones.
She has no idea what she wants to do but is terrified of leaving home - just wants to stay being a child but is in fact almost adult.
Given her history it is quite remarkable that she can even learn piano or concentrate at all, even poorly. I'm rambling ... I am fed up with being criticised as a mum and fearful for dd's future. She is 16 going on 6. I wish I could go to sleep!
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Post by moo on Oct 8, 2013 5:43:08 GMT
{{{fruitcake & dd}}}
I know how you feel...  It is so easy to get wiped out by the flaws....
As Toko says try & cling to the positives she obviously engages at ballet & piano maybe coz shes 6 in her head the maturity will come.....
I know it's hard & I bet you are thinking  But it is all I cling to when baa is being one & half STILL.....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by pluto on Oct 8, 2013 8:46:45 GMT
Music teachers  My experience is that they have no clue, and our one does not listen very well either. See it this way, be happy she wants to stay home and be child. Only a few years ago people were adult at 21, 16 is a child really. if she is only 'lazy'  but further behaves at home and follows the rules just leave her to mature slowly. In 5 years time she might be ready to manage the world a bit better. |
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Post by shadow on Oct 8, 2013 10:44:16 GMT
I read somewhere recently that research is showing that 25 is probably really when people become adults due to the brain development
16 is a hard age- I also remember someone telling me traumatised children start to do better in their 20's
I am sure there will be supported living for her if she still struggles when she is ready to leave home
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Post by fruitcake on Oct 8, 2013 14:28:56 GMT
Thanks for your sensible comments. Pluto I think I am with you on music teachers! This teacher is very demanding, and most of her pupils are high achievers. I have tried to educate her on the needs of children who have suffered early trauma but she struggles to get it really. It was silly of me to take it so much to heart, especially as my dd is not so much lazy as inattentive and has a poor focus at times - all things you would expect if you knew her background. She is making progress, and I should be pleased with that.  By the way, that is her hamster, to whom she is devoted! |
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Post by pluto on Oct 8, 2013 14:59:43 GMT
I like hamsters had some when I was a child. Here the same child plays better violin than all the children he started with because I practise a lot every day with him (children in his grouplesson have played 3 and 4 years he one), gets totally confused every lesson because teacher talks and talks and talks. I wrote email, talked, let him read reports, and still he confuses him big time. Goes on and on about a minuscule mistake, the child has anxiety disorder...... That notes come out in the first place is a wonder, lol, but he does not realise that he has serious special needs. It is stupid really he spends 3 lessons on the same song, than I video the next 4 (and sent them by email) as I continue anyway otherwhise he never progresses! and than he just continues where I am again. madness. Another teacher might be better but than that is further away, a lot further. The teacher is only suzuki level 1-4, he plays nearly half book 2, so I have decided when he is in book 4 I want a new teacher. The thing is when a child plays nice music everyone forgets as it can not be true that they have problems, look how good they play! Ask your daughter to come and visit, we love to have some life piano!  |
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Post by peartree on Oct 8, 2013 15:35:07 GMT
Hello fruity,
With my music teacher head on, there's a great deal of brain development we learn about,
Including the fact that most children's brains cannot hear harmony until they are 8 or 9.
That teaches you something about choirs in infants and lower junior school!
The brain development involved in listening and processing sound is complex but they can hear and pick out familiar snipetts from as young as four. Indeed, there's a section of postman pat in the new world symphony.... Well it is something my little blossom spotted when she first moved in here
As for piano lessons- we are considering starting pip on some
She's musical
Keen and we have a weighted keys keyboard that should be ok
I do know that starting her now (age 6) is no different generally than starting her aged 8/9 developmentally ....
As for being scared and having connitations for being noisy - ahem- why does said teacher think military bands were developed? To keep an army in time, to encourage and cheer, to reflect some moods and to
Drown out the bangs etc...
They also struck fear into their enemy
Certainly I've heard some violin playing that would terrify anyone!
Seems to me to be an instrument you are very bAd at then until you get very good indeed it's a struggle to make it not whine!
Saxaphone, flute, tenor recorder have the convention C tuning and similar fingering
I think guitar and chord based instruments might be best til juniors but some children's ability is beyond average
Certainly for me my ability to 'pick up and play/ sing' gave me some confidence when I had none at school in general.
It helped a very dyslexic little girl develop brain co-ordination skills that translated in many areas
In summary- find a skilled, encouraging music teacher- musicians aren't Always the best teachers IMO
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Post by serrakunda on Oct 8, 2013 16:18:50 GMT
I understand your worried for the future, but to be honest I think that its postive that she said her favourite thing is her family, instead of something superficial.
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Post by pluto on Oct 8, 2013 17:25:09 GMT
Pear tree consider suzuki piano, it is differrent the children learn to play before reading notes. (we just started note reading, but very simple, he can not read what he plays yet) The idea is that a child learns to speak before they can read. There is a private and a groups lesson and often performances. You have to listen loads to the music but than can be done in the back ground when the child plays with dolls or whatever. Practise with the parent every day what is great fun, parent also by every lesson this appealed to me. If you repeat the reportoir every day the children very quickly play nice. They can also go to summer schools, play together with other groups. Just ignore some silly parents, I find the development my child goes through truly amazing. The music is lovely, loads of baroque ones you are through the first half of book 1. Look at some youtube suzuki piano to get an idea of the music.
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Post by pluto on Oct 8, 2013 17:32:56 GMT
And no pear tree the children in the suzuki programme have fingertapes until muscle memory is develloped. First 2 or 3 than 1 , than none around the half to the end of book 1. It really sounds very reasonable from the first few lessons on. Loads of open strings in the twinkle variations, as that is the first song repeated with 6 different rythmes.
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Post by fruitcake on Oct 10, 2013 12:58:05 GMT
We go in for music lessons as we homeschool and that is one area of the curriculum that I don't feel very capable of tackling myself. Were it not for homeschooling, I doubt I would persevere with these lessons. In a way they keep me real, as the teacher is very demanding, and I find this peek into the lives of the seriously aspirational quite interesting (if horrifying at times). I think she is at times too demanding though, and I know I have to watch this. (Dd passed grade 7 piano with merit at age 14, which is really very good by all normal standards.) Serrakunda - I worry about my dd's separation anxiety and her ability to become more independent, in an age appropriate way. That is why I would have preferred her to choose something else as her "favourite thing". To the extent that she loves and values her family - that is, I agree, lovely. I think I might be over-thinking all this! We are dealing with very sad news about her older brother, and I think that is making me hyper-sensitive to all issues with my children at the moment.  |
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Post by kstar on Oct 10, 2013 20:33:11 GMT
Obviously it's really hard to comment properly when you don't know the young person personally, but we have had guest speakers in the school I work in this week talking about a new programme called career pathways which has been introduced by the government. If she is vocationally confused it might be a possibility. They can start anytime up to 19. Basically it's a level one introduction course for people who eventually might benefit from an apprenticeship or vocational learning but are not ready for it. It's a personalized programme that offers work experience placements in any area the young person thinks they might be interested in, alongside functional Maths and English and general work on employability and social skills. The providers we had in today are a local organization but they specialize in students with special needs or who are disaffected or disadvantaged in some way... They are probably not unique!
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Post by phoebe on Oct 10, 2013 20:54:32 GMT
fruitcake,
I totally get why the future is so worrying. I have found it easier since Dan Hughes viewed DS in therapy and commented he was operational about age 7 (He was 12 at the time). Taking that line. your DD has perhaps got 5 years or so before you can reasonably expect her to be operational at 16! By then, if things progress as they are, she might well have made significant progress and be ready to move on a little more. x
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Post by fruitcake on Oct 11, 2013 10:29:44 GMT
Thanks for all your comments and practical suggestions - all very helpful.
P.S. I hope the cuddly koala is more acceptable than the hamster for the furry rodent challenged! (I know I would not be able to look at any posts which had a spider avatar!)
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It is so easy to get wiped out by the flaws....
But it is all I cling to when baa is being one & half STILL.....
My experience is that they have no clue, and our one does not listen very well either.
but further behaves at home and follows the rules just leave her to mature slowly. In 5 years time she might be ready to manage the world a bit better.
