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Post by runmum on Oct 30, 2015 11:37:56 GMT
Feel like we are banging our head against a brick wall. Monkey Boy's teachers have been trained by post adoption but still don't get how some texts which are a standard part of the national curriculum can so easily kick it all off for adoptive families. Monkey Boy aged 9 is studying - Oranges in No-Man's Land. Yes a beautiful tale of the triumph of the human spirit but starts with loss of both parents and life in a war zone. Lots of tension and stress in the plot. It's a wonderful book well done Elizabeth Laird but Monkey Boy is going to need a lot of support through this storyline. The teacher's only concern was that we get it on audio because he will not be able to read along due to his dyslexia! It had simply not occurred to her despite the training that the plot might just light the blue touch paper. Sob!!!!
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Post by rosie on Oct 30, 2015 17:17:29 GMT
Really difficult one. We found at primary school we had to go and talk to individual teachers each year. Some were brilliant with this and others no idea. You would think having done the course they would have been more aware. The best teachers at Primary sent me a note and asked if we would like to read the book with dd ourselves before it was read and discussed in school. This worked quite well for us and we got through Goodnight Mr Tom and others quite well after lots of discussion. It is difficult because if it is a set book they cannot not do it because of one child; but it is at least good to know a teacher is aware of the difficulties it might cause and may be adapt the follow up work slightly. Our worst nightmare was in Year 4 when the first activity they did (before I had been in for a discussion) was 'My Early memories. I was horrified to go in for 'meet the teacher' to see dd's work on the wall describing her negative first years in much detail! Needless to say I did have a discussion with teacher, and she did admit she had hesitated to put it up.She turned out to be the best teacher dd had at Primary school and had a really good understanding of her needs. She had a fantastic year. The teacher just didn't anticipate what dd might write as I hadn't been in. The teacher's didn't seem to pass on any information either which I thought was strange. As a teacher myself I would have passed on a little bit about background to next teacher, and say I am sure the parents will come and see you.
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Post by runmum on Nov 3, 2015 12:50:20 GMT
Thanks Rosie and Tokoloshe for sharing. Clearly we must soldier on trying to deepen people's understanding of the issues. Sometime I just want to say - "you've got kids right? Well think about your child and imagine them being picked up by someone who is supposed to love them, having their heads smashed against a wall, being burnt with cigarette butts then being locked in rooms with no food drink heating or nappy changes. Keep that going for a few years then pick them up and move them around between a few (5-10) total strangers and then tell them hey it's ok we've found somewhere for you to stay forever - it's 100's a miles away but don't worry we'll introduce you to these lovely people and you can go on trips with them for a few days before you move. Think about how that might affect them and what they might remember or fear happening when they read about kids suffering awful things" Of course I don't say this as it would be deeply upsetting but I just think trauma and neglect are words that just float through people's brains without them really getting it. You are right though some do seem more receptive - let's hold onto that.
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Post by esty on Nov 3, 2015 17:08:09 GMT
Thanks Rosie and Tokoloshe for sharing. Clearly we must soldier on trying to deepen people's understanding of the issues. Sometime I just want to say - "you've got kids right? Well think about your child and imagine them being picked up by someone who is supposed to love them, having their heads smashed against a wall, being burnt with cigarette butts then being locked in rooms with no food drink heating or nappy changes. Keep that going for a few years then pick them up and move them around between a few (5-10) total strangers and then tell them hey it's ok we've found somewhere for you to stay forever - it's 100's a miles away but don't worry we'll introduce you to these lovely people and you can go on trips with them for a few days before you move. Think about how that might affect them and what they might remember or fear happening when they read about kids suffering awful things" Of course I don't say this as it would be deeply upsetting but I just think trauma and neglect are words that just float through people's brains without them really getting it. You are right though some do seem more receptive - let's hold onto that. Run mum can I change this slightly and use it? I've got an empathic Transition teacher and I think she would use this wisely and educate my youngest son's teachers and support staff. I asked whether she wanted some info and literature and she did! |
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Post by runmum on Nov 3, 2015 19:47:49 GMT
Esty of course you may - let me know how it goes
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Post by esty on Nov 3, 2015 20:02:08 GMT
Thanks very much
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Post by corkwing on Nov 4, 2015 8:34:03 GMT
I went into a secondary school to talk to the staff about trauma in kids. I mentioned triggers, such as Goodnight Mr. Tom, and some of the staff were so distressed that they had to leave the room. And I really hadn't gone into gory details.
Trying to get across that if these subjects can distress adults so much, imagine what they can do to kids.
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Post by runmum on Nov 4, 2015 9:11:35 GMT
Thanks Corkwing - you are right we tread a fine line. I recommended a book designed to explain modern day adoption to children and the SENCO said she could not use it because it was too distressing - I thought it was written very sensitively and it got good reviews in that regard. Sometimes people just cannot cope with thinking about the true horrors of our society but for people like teachers and other professionals I think they have a duty to understand and we must help them to do this - that might cause upset which I think is fine if you are supported through it - they must watch the news after all. Obviously we don't want to give them nightmares and secondary trauma - I guess that's hard when you don't know who you are talking to and what their disposition is. It also impacts how people talk to our children about their experiences and if that never goes beyond mummy was sad and could not keep you safe etc we end up with the problems we read about on the other thread about Facebook contact. It's never simple but we must navigate our way wisely and sensitively.
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Post by esty on Nov 4, 2015 9:49:14 GMT
Personally I really think they need to hear the gory details, maybe generalised, the kids are living it. I don't think their feelings should be saved.
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