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Post by aprilshowers on Oct 7, 2013 8:57:05 GMT
Well here is another first for me, got to take littly to court at end of month, we had only just had the youth caution on Tuesday and by Friday afternoon she was arrested again.
The thing is I had negotiated/compromised with her everything was fine, she had money she had permission to stay at friends. Then by chance as I was chasing up one of the other kids I find out that she is in trouble....she had only been out of the house twenty minutes....it takes 10 plus minutes to walk to town. My sister had been here most of the day so had seen how my day had gone....three phone calls from school, one visit from another parent as the police had been at her house looking for another boy who is known to our DS, then the chat with littly and how we handled what could have been a very difficult situation...then the news... so off to court we go.
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Post by imp on Oct 7, 2013 9:13:23 GMT
Oh April, what to say, except I feel for you. One day you will have a calm day, and one day your children will be reasonable, but we are here until that happens. Cyber friends we may be, but loads of thoughts and prayers for you all.
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Post by nancydanfan on Oct 7, 2013 10:01:48 GMT
So sorry to hear what you are going through. I don't know what to say, but am thinking of you.
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enid
Bronze Member
Single Adopter
Posts: 75 
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Post by enid on Oct 7, 2013 10:16:57 GMT
Good grief April, they are certainly putting you through it!! keep strong. xx
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Post by moo on Oct 7, 2013 11:47:59 GMT
Ooohhhh aprilshowers you really are amazing....
So tuff for you.... Best laid plans an all.....
{{{}}}
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by oysterbabe on Oct 7, 2013 12:44:14 GMT
Sending big hugs, I know now myself what a youth caution is.
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Post by peartree on Oct 7, 2013 14:54:31 GMT
Life in the showers household is never dull...
I'm afraid bed to court several times with blossom
Telling her to get her eye rolling done before we see the judge is a good one- taking her to the loo
But showing smoking area on way in so not setting off all the alarms having a crafty cigarette in lavvie
The court staff all seem nice
Judges are very mixed
The other people in with you really shocked and upset mr pt most
Think it struck him that these are the people life choices we tried to change for partridge and blossom
They are real Jeremy Kyle fodder and punch ups in the waiting area are not uncommon...
Much much love
Xxxxxx
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Post by shadow on Oct 7, 2013 15:37:56 GMT
(((((((april)))))))))
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Post by jollymummy on Oct 7, 2013 17:30:44 GMT
Oh dear April.
My AD was arrested for carrying an offensive weapon and whilst we were waiting to see whether the CPS were going to proceed or not, she went out and did the same thing. This time they decided to charge her. I would have thought she would learn from her experience the first time! Similarly to your daughter, she was only out for two hours before getting into trouble after assurances from her that she had learned her lesson etc.
We were in court last week. The barrister got an adjournment as we told her our daughter was on home leave from an adolescent mental health unit when the offence occurred. That, and the fact that she is headed to a placement where she will get therapeutic input to address her problems, led the barrister to believe that the case might get dismissed by the CPS. The prosecutor was sympathetic. We have mixed feelings about this as we desperately want to avoid her having a criminal record, but we think that if she escapes being prosecuted it will reinforce her view that she is invincible!
Hope all goes well with your daughter. JM x
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Post by ham on Oct 8, 2013 9:38:38 GMT
so tricky for you but another feather in your cap.  Another hoop to jump on planet adoption. hugs |
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Post by peartree on Oct 9, 2013 7:46:16 GMT
How did court go?
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Post by aprilshowers on Oct 9, 2013 12:41:47 GMT
PT, court is at end of month...I will let everyone know how it goes, but the thing is it will most likely mean nothing to littly, I will be the one in bits and anxious, she will just be moaning as it is in half term.
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Post by ham on Oct 9, 2013 15:52:57 GMT
April just remember they have made their choice and you are not responsible if they made the wrong/ bad decisions in their life. I know it is not easy but you have done so much for them and there is only so much you can do. Sadly we can just not fix somethings.
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Post by larsti on Oct 9, 2013 22:31:55 GMT
 Hugs and much respect to you Aprilshowers Larsti x
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Post by fruitcake on Oct 10, 2013 13:21:57 GMT
She might be a bit more challenged by this experience than you think. You will find it very hard. There are organisations that will support offenders and their families in court which you might find helpful.
We will be with you in spirit. Hold your head high, you are a great Mum. |
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Post by peartree on Oct 10, 2013 20:19:12 GMT
After blossom went to her awful court experience
And was tagged
She's been very much more settled
She's growing and learning and I'm really seeing a lovely young woman right now
While she's settled its Great!
I know things are very very likely to go belly up but the short moment I'm trying to enjoy
It's like THE BOUNDARY (prison) has gone in
And she's feeling safe enough
To function
Having said that, blossom being blossom can't help but 'leak' a few deviant behaviours
Just hope they aren't big deviant ones the court will notice
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Post by damson on Oct 29, 2013 18:10:54 GMT
We did our utmost to keep my stepson's record clean while he lived with us as a teenager. Once he'd left us at 18, it was not long before he'd collected a criminal record for himself. It has limited what he can do in life - but then no school post GCSEs has a similar effect. I suspect a really bad credit rating might have had a bigger effect on his adult life than a criminal record!
I'm with Ham on this one - it is their responsibility, not yours. So when AS began to do dodgy things, I took him straight to YOS for a talking-to by a uniformed officer. The effect was good for about 2 months... and has now worn off.
I'd be interested to know what other people think about trying to forestall a juvenile record and then landing up with a much more lasting adult one?
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Post by haze on Oct 29, 2013 20:05:18 GMT
{{{Apri}}}
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Post by greyspeckledhen on Oct 29, 2013 23:14:50 GMT
Thinking of you. Assume it is probably this week sometime. xxx
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Post by aprilshowers on Oct 29, 2013 23:23:11 GMT
It was today, we arrived 10 minutes early at the wrong court...they did not make it clear on the paperwork...finally get to the right court house on time then waited nearly 3 hours to be dealt with....upshot is that there is a referral to YOS for 3 months, court ordered that I attend all the meetings with littly, there is a £85 court charge, and £15 victim charge and a £6 compensation charge...littly ears no money, magistrates suggest that littly makes it up to me in kind or pocket money....well thanks luv.
One wonders who is the most inconvenienced by all this.....littly then went off to go to the fair with her mates....I went home to howl and weep and bemoan the life I now live.
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Post by peartree on Oct 30, 2013 12:36:26 GMT
Oh April
The pain all this brings to us parents
Much love xx
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Post by phoebe on Oct 30, 2013 14:15:23 GMT
April,
So sorry for your situation. Is there any way you can reallocate the fine - eg to agencies who are meant to be supporting ? Can PAS pay it? It's a joke that you are being fined for working so hard to keep her out of the system. x
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Post by greyspeckledhen on Oct 30, 2013 21:45:27 GMT
Oh AS so sorry that you have taken the punishment and the shame - not fair. xxxxx
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Post by moo on Nov 5, 2013 5:47:22 GMT
{{{{April}}}}
Yet more barking support....
Soo sad that you are expected to pick up the tab.... How oh how is that gonna teach littlie the worth of money or actions?? Speechless!!!!
{{{}}}....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by ham on Nov 7, 2013 20:41:03 GMT
well if she can't pay why should you. she did the crime surely you can't be held responsible for that.being honest will she really make it up to you anyway.
I suppose you could withhold her birthday/ christmas presents in lieu of the fine but they will only bring you grief.how many meetings have you had with regard to all your children .life is so tougth for you.No easy answer.
all my love
ham
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Another hoop to jump on planet adoption.
