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Post by esty on Aug 31, 2015 19:19:29 GMT
I can offer two lovely boys, both with very lovely personalities but both come with additional expectations. The oldest will need you to clear up vomit and snot whilst balancing him (all 6 stone of him) and to not mind Ice Age on the iPad on a loop and the youngest offers alternative nightlife that includes excursions to various rooms in the house at speed and very quick witted conversations that will leave you tripping over your tongue in the effort needed to stay ahead of the game. With them comes laughter and humour (mainly because you can only laugh at your own efforts to parent). I don't need a long term swop just a couple of days. Willing to take three for two as a change is as good as a rest. I'll throw in the house and the Mothership but not the horse. Any offers/anyone else swopping?
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Post by lankelly on Aug 31, 2015 21:02:00 GMT
Abso bl...y lutely.
I will take you on the offer, here you barter one get two free. And that's a bonus as one is a girl riddled by charm and inconsistency. ;-) can I bring the dogs to the mothership?
Are you moved yet Esty?
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Post by esty on Aug 31, 2015 21:12:36 GMT
Tonight I would happily swop. I have been reduced to screaming like a banshee and being sarcastic so I know it's bad. I have also just cancelled a sleep over and surfing. Apparently he will only behave if I provide activities snd now as I've taken them he's going to be horrible to me, his words.
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Post by milly on Aug 31, 2015 21:59:25 GMT
No to a swap but would anyone like a free ten year old??? (am hoping it's just a case of too many fun times and lack of routine that will be cured by a dose of school.....)
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Post by esty on Aug 31, 2015 23:33:16 GMT
No just a swop  |
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Post by pluto on Sept 1, 2015 6:25:05 GMT
This is your chance Esty...... a lovely girl with pink ribbons in her hair!
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Post by bop on Sept 1, 2015 7:08:01 GMT
Can I offer up one very stressed school girl - all uniform and hair options are apparently wrong this morning - so needs me close but then screams abuse at me and tries to hit...but is very distressed when I walk away....my tightrope balancing skills are improving....
Would like in return a placid girl who can cope with a feeling a bit tired and is still processing difficult news....and maybe jealous that her brother is off sick today with a migraine (probably result of him also getting difficult news).
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Post by esty on Sept 1, 2015 13:19:20 GMT
Ah now a two week cycle of films could work here. Better than Ice Age and Shrek continuously for the last five years.
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Post by pingu on Sept 1, 2015 14:07:50 GMT
At the moment i am more inclined to swap dh, who is reluctant to throw out anything, then buys new stuff cause he cant find what he wants to use among all the stuff he already has, then is short of cash, then blames me cause things get lost . All this clutter and i have nowhere to put important items, so that it wont get lost or be in the way of household activities ! Ds1 came home yesterday saying his EMA payment hadnt arrived cause he was missing a form about what school subjects he is doing.turned out it was in an unopened envelope that had got among a pile of papers belonging to dh. Its my fault because i moved said papers so we could sit down at the table for tea.
He was at a festival this last week, just back and while he was away i did some clutter shifting. I have just told him that the deal is that i will clean the kitchen surfaces provided he doesnt clutter them up again, as i am fed up spending fiteen minutes shifting objects ( bottles, jars, biscuits, batteries, tomatoes, etc) in order to do a two minute cleaning wipe. All these objects have a specific place that they are meant to go. Multiply this effect by every room in the house and you get why I get overwhelmed and am now angry and depressed.
RANT over, simmer, mutter. Going to get another coffee to wash down the last of the Heroes my dad brought over, most of the Heroes disappeared down ds2 's throat without him asking if he could have them,
And ds1 is off sick, though only back at school a bit more than a week having been sick at school and teachers saw, he says, so had to go home.that means he is required to stay off for 2 days, by school rules, in case he has a virus. He gets an awful lot of those. Its because, he says, though i am eating better now ( he never touches a vegetable and rarely a fruit) i was not fed right when younger.
His EMA form says he has to have 100 % attendance to get the allowance. He says school have told him he is allowed five days off a term. His attendance has never been better than 92% so i said, well, we shall see ( he didnt like that)
on second thoughts, i withdraw my offer, of a swap, they would drive you crazier than ever !!!
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Post by esty on Sept 1, 2015 17:09:14 GMT
Def not the DH. That's a swop too far.
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Post by lankelly on Sept 1, 2015 19:26:25 GMT
Did you know ever see that awful but watchable programme Wife Swap? Give you any ideas?
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Post by damson on Sept 1, 2015 19:46:27 GMT
Behind that awful programme WifeSwap is a nasty little team of people working out what the very worst swaps could be. Same principle as Big Brother house - make an incendiary mix. It's a bit like the joke about Elvis being too happy in hell, still singing away, and the fix being to add Bjork to his cell. If we took all our children and put them together in, say, Alton Towers for the day with a set of well-meaning minders, what would happen? And would any of it make good TV?  |
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Post by lankelly on Sept 1, 2015 20:42:47 GMT
Alton towers is close to us...
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Post by mudlark on Sept 1, 2015 21:32:04 GMT
resulting in something like.....'Lord of the Flies' meets 'The Hunger Games' meets 'Minions' with a touch of Twirlywoos's
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Post by chotimonkey on Sept 2, 2015 19:13:06 GMT
I've never heard anyone else admit to dance moms... It was my dirty little secret for ages!! For swapping I have one partially potty trained Young man who comes with free kitchen roll and disinfectant wipes One selectively deaf, unicorn freak And I can't joke about swapping squirrel at the moment, shes going to big school just as she's really wobbling about losing her grandpa and worrying about losing us  |
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Post by mudlark on Sept 2, 2015 22:12:08 GMT
the boy.....I have a charming young man who opens doors for you and gives lots of hugs and kisses...likes being tickled and rasberries blown on his plump little 5 year old tummy... can sing all of chitty chitty bang bang song and dance and look very sweet.likes pretending to be a lion cub.
the girl....lovely voice that can sing and warble all day.. beautiful smile, cheeky jokes, loves cuddles ( on own terms) pretty face, lovely hair, loves dressing up, trying new hair styles. Loves baking, making, knitting, walking, drawing. Can lead prayers at mealtime as can be very devout.
Those are all the pluses. I am not telling the rest!
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