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Post by larsti on Jun 26, 2015 15:55:53 GMT
Not a child.....me!! I just realised that I like a bit of a buffer between one activity and the next. Not always but often. I find it really difficult to just go from one thing to another, which for a Mum is a bit of a handicap  One thing I really hate is when we get back from somewhere and the children ask me questions about what they can do, can they have a drink, snack, go on the computer,etc, etc and I haven't even unlocked the door yet. It makes me very grumpy. Today I had an appointment and left DH in charge. On my return I was just getting my stuff out of the car when Dash comes up on his bike. 'Can I got to the playground with Elsie?' (not real name!) I tell him to come in to the house with me, I want to speak to Dad before I answer that. (For all I know DH has already said no). He cycles off towards the playground (very close to our house) I shout DASH! then stomp towards the house, Dash comes back, whining and nagging. Can Elsie play in our garden? I shout at him NO! I might have said yes if I could have gone into the house without being harrassed, touched base with DH and put the kettle on! He can't go to playground without supervision, but as other children are playing without their parents I feel that I am then responsible for all of them. Hate it and avoid at all costs  Even playing in our own garden requires that I am at least within earshot. But really I should be watching because Elsie sometimes whispers in Dash's ear and I have to enforce the no whispering rule. If I am not allowed to hear, they must be up to no good |
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Post by sooz on Jun 26, 2015 17:15:23 GMT
You know those persistent, annoying flies? The one that buzzes around your head when you sit down to eat and tries to land on your food constantly, it just won't give up....you try and enjoy your meal, hold a conversation and relax but inside all you want is for the fly to do one.....then you start swiping at it and actually telling it to go away.....
Amazing how something so small can cause so much havoc!!
But I know where you are coming from, you've got it all planned in your head....drive home, get out, open door, put bag down, make tea, sit down for 5 minutes......then you'll happily engage with whoever needs you.
I had counselling many moons ago and I remember the counsellor telling me that in her house she had to get up an hour earlier than everyone else and sit quietly with her coffee and breakfast, then, she said she could take on the world....but if any of her family got up or disturbed her she became very grumpy. she said her family had to accept that's how she was.... I struggled with that because I thought it wasn't acceptable to get grumpy, getting grumpy meant you weren't a very nice person, but she said that actually she was a very nice person, she just needed that bit of time and could not help getting miffed if she didn't get it. Basically she was saying 'I am who I am and that's just tough luck if anyone else doesn't like it."
So, just accept you need a bit of time to transition....let everyone know that you struggle....that that is just the way it is and they can ignore it at their peril!!
I always get that sinking feeling if other kids want to play...it's not worth the stress!!
Xxx
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Post by loadsofbubs on Jun 26, 2015 17:17:21 GMT
I'm the same larsti! hate it when the first thing I am greeted with is whats for tea, have you been shopping, can I look in the bags (not a request just happens!!). no, 'can I help you bring the bags in', did you have a nice day etc! sometimes i'd like to be that mythical dad from the 50's and have my 'wife' greet me at the door with a cup of tea, my slippers and the paper and be left alone for 5 whole minutes!! then I might answer the whats for tea type questions! actually I have started saying (to my 24 year old daughter) in answer to whats for tea, 'what ever you're making'!!
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Post by sooz on Jun 26, 2015 20:00:53 GMT
....I should point out, I'm not likening our kids to flies.....just how I feel when I've got too many questions or demands being fired at me xx
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Post by larsti on Jun 27, 2015 20:24:07 GMT
Thank you...you understand 
I am not a morning person either! |
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Post by moo on Jun 28, 2015 5:00:51 GMT
Hugs larsti so with you on this one xxx
Trying to start a new 'rule' on the farm.... boys helping bringing in shopping rather than rifling thro on route home.... & then making demands once home about " what are we gonna do now ".... bribery usually works Xtra fruit salad for the best helper.... short lived tho me thinks xxxx
What bribery tactics work for you all?!? 
Xx moo xx
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Post by corkwing on Jun 28, 2015 5:43:52 GMT
I think, for me, it's the reliance on me. The fact that the second one thing finishes, they NEED me. They need me to make decisions or provide things for them to do and often need my presence and, as in your case, Larsti, need monitoring as well.
It's a bit like permanently having a baby, and I've found that incredibly wearing.
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Post by ham on Jun 28, 2015 8:23:05 GMT
Love the fly description because that what it feels like.
Could youhave the same routine when you go into house eg out kettle on, go to loo, ,have a drink or whatever and try visual pictures to show dash the order it will happen then you will listen and plan with him his time. While you do your bits would he read or draw.
I know it is hard as mine as adults still have to be told what to do and I still explain my needs to them.
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Post by larsti on Jun 28, 2015 14:52:01 GMT
Funny you should mention rifling through the shopping moo.....Picked Dash up from a club he goes to on Friday evening. I was 5 mins late and the children who get a lift home in the minibus had left already. Dash playing with the 3 children of one of the Dads who runs it. When he sees me coming they all run away and went in Gents toilets. Dad went straight in after them and told them all off. I heard myself saying 'Dash you are the oldest you shouldn't have done that' The next in age to him is about 6 or 7. Yeah right, 10 year old functioning as toddler or 5 year old.
Where was I? Shopping! We get into car where there's one bag of shopping in front passenger footwell. He has got in a rear door and sat in his car seat. before I can stop him he's leapt into front and rummaging through the bag....'Oh Mr Bean! Can we watch it when we get home?!!!' NO bedtime! He had not forgotten by next morning, needless to say!
I should have some signs up ham. He can read now as well. Although pictures would be good in addition.
I must say he can occupy himself a fair bit but not always and of course anything he thinks he needs has got to be NOW (just like a baby as you say Corkwing) SIGH!
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Post by larsti on Jun 28, 2015 14:56:01 GMT
I liked my own post?  Was trying to edit it! That's my story and I'm sticking to it  |
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Post by larsti on Jun 29, 2015 20:36:27 GMT
That is so funny Toko!
I might get into the habit of it ;-)
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Post by kstar on Jun 29, 2015 22:21:14 GMT
Oh wow that's very deep! So whenever one of us is having a bad day we can literally like ourselves and it will all be good?
Your post made me laugh (sorry) because actually in our case it's often the opposite - when I pick Starlet up I ask all the questions I feel I ought to ask and she sighs and rolls her eyes and goes all 8 going on 16 at me... Once she even said "omg you ask such BORING questions". She would rather spend the drive home in silence, but I always feel like a rubbish mum if I don't at least ask! Haha!
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Post by larsti on Jun 29, 2015 22:59:08 GMT
Silence?  What's that kstar? :-) |
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Even playing in our own garden requires that I am at least within earshot. But really I should be watching because Elsie sometimes whispers in Dash's ear and I have to enforce the no whispering rule. If I am not allowed to hear, they must be up to no good 
Was trying to edit it! That's my story and I'm sticking to it 
What's that kstar? :-)