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Post by nzhb on Jun 26, 2015 12:52:46 GMT
We had our table around the child meeting yesterday, prior to our application going to panel for an EHC. Assessments all done.
Seeing all the info written down, and discussing all of the problems, I was left with a gnawing feeling that my AD may not cope with mainstream.
Our current SENCO feels the same, new SENCO for next school seems v positive she can help.
Our PASW feels like me.
We don't want to go to another mainstream & have AD fail & then have to move her.
AD likes school chosen but doesn't want to go there next term, wants to go there after another year ( she could do this but we dont want her to)
Current school clearly worn out - have not had a child like my AD before. To make matters worse a LAC has been placed in school after permanent exclusion elsewhere. My AD immediately latched onto her - toxic already!
I can't cope with the volume of phone calls that come from school about my AD over the last school year.
I find it v stressful.
My AD is now v oppositional at home, sullen, moody, has attitude like no other. Thinks LAC child is fab - even tho' said child has run away from school x 2 and taken my AD with her - never had this before in all our time there.
2 SW's involved with us have suggested we think about residential school - we have been under SUCH onslaught over the last 12 months, it will be impossible to function as a family like this for years on end. SS obviously keen to prevent an adoption breakdown in future.
I am off work with stress related illness.
I like the school we have chosen, but if we get same outcome as current school, then I and hubby can't cope.
Should we be successful with EHC should we look for BESD school immediately?
We can see the advantages of residential. We have been doing therapeutic parenting for ages & have noticed some small changes, but AD has other neurobiological difficulties which don't seem to be affected by this style of parenting.
Oh what to do, what to do.......
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Post by lilyofthevalley on Jun 26, 2015 14:00:09 GMT
Hi
Residential school can be a lifesaver. When things are really difficult it may be the best solution. Funding of placements can be an issue. My social work department refused to fund a placement for my AD at a Camphill school. My advice would be to check out all potential schools very thoroughly and ask to visit too. I was looking for therapeutic support and good psychiatric support. Unfortunately we did not get it. (She would have had it at the Camphill school). It is also worth checking out what provision there is for children of school leaving age. I could not have had my daughter living at home with me at that time. She went to supported accommodation and then qualified for a council flat. It has worked out well.
Lily x
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Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2015 15:04:02 GMT
No harm in having a look around at what's available/fairly near you, that way at least you have some idea of what's on offer and maybe you could visit and see without commiting to anything.
If DD could attend as a weekly boarder coming home for weekends/holidays that might be the best of both worlds, giving you and DH a break during the week to recharge batteries and then being theraputic parents at W/e's?
DD would get an education with support and you get to spend quality time together at w/e's without the day to day stresses of school etc.
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Post by milly on Jun 26, 2015 16:32:21 GMT
We're in a similar but slightly different position to you. Also awaiting Ehc. Dd went on managed move to new school, and although things are better, the new school is starting to say they are not sure a mainstream could provide what she needs. I wouldn't be anti the right special school but from what we know about so far - tbere are none close by that would suit.
Personally I wouldn't consider boarding. I don't think dd would cope and I couldn't bear to have her away from us even though she is now 14. But though school is an ongoing difficult issue, she is no more than a fairly average bolshy teen at home, so far anyway. Home life is ok with her and I think it is a haven for her.
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Post by pluto on Jun 27, 2015 7:09:29 GMT
If you can prevent with boarding that a child has to go back into care it is an option what is very much worth considering. Ofcourse do not wait until the very last minute and a crisis plus situation, than no boarding school takes the child.
For me boarding is far better than going back into care, as we all know what happens than........
I would choose boarding any day if I could no longer manage. And I think it is very positive ss even consider this as an option, investigate I would say. In my opinion boarding is far less damaging to the child than going back into care.
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Post by elderberry on Jun 29, 2015 12:44:52 GMT
DD starting at boarding school on Thursday after a year of fighting. I know we are lucky -- Education, Social Care and Health jointly picking up the extraordinary cost.
I am happy and sad, scared and confident all at once. So is she. And I know that it was the only option for us short of DD going back into care.
Much to the fury of the education department, I visited all the appropriate schools and chose the right one some time before they had agreed to pay for it. But it worked -- I sent them an email telling them which school she should go to, and though they faffed around and insisted on looking at another school as well, they finally agreed. My only disappointment is that it didn't happen sooner, and that the LA won't let her repeat year 7.
For the first time in a year, I see some sort of path through her teenage years, some hope that she may come out the other end something other than unemployable and pregnant. Though I am already missing her, I know this is the right thing. I hope you are able to make it happen for your DD too.
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Post by kstar on Jun 29, 2015 22:14:59 GMT
I'd love to say that a good secondary can cope with any level of need... But unfortunately under the current regime it just isn't going to happen. We get no support for any of our kids - our CAMHS has reduced appointments to six-weekly because of the sheer volume of referrals and charities who we used to rely heavily on are going under at an alarming rate. Without the right support, secondaries are very rapidly going to be floundering - most experienced teachers could have a huge impact on any child but right now we are increasingly being encouraged/ forced to focus only on academic achievement. Children who don't fit the mould will be passed on - I sit in meetings at our Outstanding academy where we talk about how quickly we can get rid of kids because they are not going to achieve what we need them to. It's really sad and not what any of us signed up for... But our jobs (and therefore the support our own kids need) depend on us being that heartless.
I would say be open minded. Shop around and have your mummy radar well and truly honed in on what's right - your instinct will guide you to the right decision!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2015 7:45:58 GMT
Sadly I have experienced what Kstar is talking about first hand.
EDD was in a beyond outstanding academy school and I sat in a meeting with 13 professionals where I was the only one fighting to keep her there. School did not back me up at all as I had expected them to (probably because DD is only an average child academically and not a high flyer). School sided with SS about her moving out of area (a 2 hour train journey away) to another not very good school, because as kstar said, they knew she was not a high achiever and was unlikely to aid their 'outstanding results'.
I came away from that meeting feeling very deflated and tearful as no one backed me up at all. Have now been proven right as DD's current Ofsted rated 'Good' school have let her down badly, having stopped her extra maths classes because she had made such good progress. (DD had told me she was copying another boys work). And now low and behold at her last PEP meeting we find she has fallen behind in her maths.
This is when we found out they had stopped her extra maths classes because she had made progress!! Go figure!!!!!! Of course parents and SS had no idea they had stopped the classes as no one had bothered to inform us.
SW is now asking what they have spent her PP money on? We are awaiting their reply.
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Post by nzhb on Jun 30, 2015 16:31:23 GMT
Well, we have EHC granted - waiting to see detail.
Will it make any difference ?
I don't know, but if school transfer fails, then we will be looking at BESD school or similar & EHC may help as a point of negotiation.
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