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Post by serrakunda on Jun 7, 2015 9:35:32 GMT
BBC2 tonight at 10.00pm.
First in a series
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Post by nomoretears on Jun 7, 2015 20:20:31 GMT
Thanks Serrakunda, might have to stay up late to watch this.
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Post by lovelybee on Jun 8, 2015 8:49:06 GMT
Oh my, my heart went out to the sisters and the foster family.
I do think the female foster carer was right when she said she was naive. I don't think she had adequate training to deal with Amy as the behaviours and school problems I would have thought would have been common in looked after teenagers.
I couldn't help but be angry with the girls' SW. She should have talked to each sister individually and it makes you wonder if the placement wouldn't have broken down if Amy's sister hadn't been placed as an emergency with the family or if a suitable placement had been found for her sooner.
Heartbreaking watching and it will be interesting to watch the other families in the series
LB x
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Post by nancydanfan on Jun 8, 2015 12:43:29 GMT
Just watched this and it has made me angry and sad.
When the SW said she couldn't just knit some foster carers I thought that really does sum up the attitude of "professionals " to foster carers and adoptive parents. We are not people, we are commodities to be used, scapegoated, created as cheaply as possible and then discarded as failures when we can't do the superhuman tasks that SWs would never have the guts to do themselves. Where were the SWs driving the foster girls to their new placements? The poor female foster carer had no emotional support for that.
The behaviour of Amy didn't surprise me at all ,but only because I lived with someone like that for 10 years. Why couldn't the previous foster carers have met the new carers to explain what problems they had?My guess is that the SWs wouldn't do that as it would have put the new carers off fostering Amy.
Why was Amy vague about her reasons for going into care? Inadequate life story work?
Why was Natalie placed with Amy when SWs thought it was best for them to be apart?
Why are the LAs foster carers not being trained and supported properly? What therapy did the girls receive?
I would be interested to know if the SWs take any responsibility for how they failed the foster family and the foster children, but from what I know of SWs I'm pretty sure they won't.
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Post by bop on Jun 8, 2015 18:18:31 GMT
Just watched this on iPlayer and found it so tough - Amy was so like DD1 and I guess the reality of living with her was not drawn out on the film and nor should it have been.
My take was that Amy was a survivor, badly affected by her early life but she'd learnt to cope by putting on a mask - she was playing the cameras, she played the FCs initially, she needed help.... I thought her vagueness about her early life was probably about it being too difficult to deal with - if she went into care at 10 she wouldn't have "forgot"
I was shocked in the difference in the foster mum - at the beginning she was bright, bubbly and confident, but by the time they called it a day she looked worn down and broken... secondary trauma? blocked care? It sadly also reflects our journey - I've changed from the person I was when we first started on this path...
I am also troubled that whilst it was good to highlight the issues, it was far too personal for me - some of those moments should never have been put on film and made public - it just added stress to an already difficult situation and to an already troubled child.
Sadly once again SW decisions seem to have cost this girl her placement and probably did further damage - placing her sister with her was a mistake for both of them... Their subsequent involvement seemed to be more about protecting the placement than fixing the underlying issues....so sad for them all.
I hope things work out for all of them in the longer term...
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Post by nomoretears on Jun 8, 2015 18:46:11 GMT
I talked about the programme with some of my fostering friends today and we all agreed that the programme was trying to recruit new foster carers - especially once one of them pointed out that it's Fostering Fortnight! Amy clearly had lots more problems than were shown on the programme. She was presented in an extremely positive light I thought, and her "issues" seemed to be glossed over - so much so that even I began criticising the carers (in my head) and I KNOW only too well how children with mental health issues can make it seem like their carers are to blame for every fault. Bop, you're spot on when you point out the difference in the FC from the start to at the end. Yet an outsider watching may be more likely to think "I can do better than that carer, I'm going to apply."
It seemed that the carers washed their hands of Amy very easily, when I doubt that would have been the case.
No idea why Natalie was placed there too, when anyone with half a brain could predict the outcome of that! However the fact that it took (7??) weeks to find her a new foster carer strongly suggests she had major problems - which just re-inforces that she should never have been moved there in the first place.
If the aim of the programme WAS recruitment then it's short sighted. At my support group last week FIVE couples handed in their notice, unheard of before. They were all on their first or second placements and said they'd had no idea how difficult fostering would be when they applied. And why would they when supposedly responsible stations like the BBC gloss over reality?
Okay, rant over!
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Post by bop on Jun 8, 2015 20:53:12 GMT
With hindsight I think you are right about the recruitment aspect - the person who told me about it said she thought the foster family had given up too soon after just a couple of minor incidents....having looked after a toubled teen I saw a very different perspective...
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Post by mrbop on Jun 9, 2015 8:05:11 GMT
Frankly some of it was akin to child cruelty and I have no idea how they got "informed consent" from either girl as I doubt they could possibly have understood what would happen or the consequences or impact. Even painting them in as positive a light as possible it made me flinch especially when the interviewer asked Amy if she remembered the neglect - it was blindingly obvious she did and the way she avoided the hard stuff was just so familiar. A damaged girl damaged even further by SW actions and this programme... Sorry, think am in a rage about this....
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Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2015 15:05:49 GMT
Anyone see latest one?
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Post by bop on Jun 26, 2015 19:56:36 GMT
No - is it worth watching?
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2015 6:46:23 GMT
Yes, about a teenage boy who although he loved living with his FC, still couldn't cope with boundaries and going to school and ended up going back to live with his GP's . Showed that it's not just parents that struggle, but that sometimes even the best carers can't undo the hardwired damage. Sad really.
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Post by shadow on Jun 27, 2015 9:34:10 GMT
we only got the first 2 here - and it seems to have stopped - hopefully will get the next one sometime
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Post by shadow on Jun 27, 2015 9:36:41 GMT
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Post by bop on Jun 27, 2015 12:30:12 GMT
we only got the first 2 here - and it seems to have stopped - hopefully will get the next one sometime It was broadcast on Monday this week rather than Sunday.... Will try to find time to watch it online... Bop |
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Post by milly on Jun 27, 2015 13:42:11 GMT
I saw it on iplayer yesterday. Found it slightly strange that the 14 year old went back to the Grandparents who couldn't cope with him after the foster placement broke down (although at the end he was said to be doing well). I did wonder if the problem was the fcs were living out of town and he wanted to hang out with his friends, whereas fc was using grounding in response to school issues. Perhaps another consequence (or none) would have been better. Of course, you can't tell what's been edited out.
The other family seemed delightful. I was struck by how well the three children got on. There were no signs of any issues? I did wonder how things might change as they all became teens but it did seem lovely that the fcs wanted to maintain the family long term and became special guardians. Also poignant that the fm had been thrown out of her own family - I really wanted to know more about that!
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Post by loadsofbubs on Jun 27, 2015 16:49:18 GMT
i'm finding it slightly strange to be honest. it doesn't really show the complexities of fostering, it didn't show the difficulties faced by the carers of any of the children shown to kind of inform people why placements were breaking down, and I appreciate the need for confidentiality and that editing is always somewhat creative but am struggling to understand the purpose of the series/ is it to highlight the needs of kids in care? if so it doesn't do that, it hasn't mentioned anything about that all beyond parents not coping. is it to encourage people to become foster carers? doesn't do that either becoz it doesn't give a realistic portrait of a foster carers life on a daily basis, the endless meetings, the strops following contact etc. I really don't know what it is hoping to achieve so, for me anyway, it doesn't achieve much. its interesting simply becoz I am a foster carer but it hasn't informed me really of anything and not convinced it is informing jo public about much either!
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Post by shadow on Jun 27, 2015 17:35:35 GMT
found it - was broadcast on Thursday here - no sign of it next week
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Post by shadow on Jun 27, 2015 17:46:03 GMT
my TV has died while I was watching
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Post by milly on Jun 27, 2015 19:19:07 GMT
It's a series of three I think, shadow. Agree lobs, what point is it trying to make? Only one foster family out of the whole series make foster caring look desirable - and they made it look so easy in a kind of fairy tale way which is hard to believe (for me anyway). The ones fostering teens looked like they gave up at the first hurdle. Even with the baby it looked like the baby was a cinch and it was just bm who messed things up. But there again the bps you actually see are reasonable, loving characters who look like they just need a helping hand. Sws seemed fairly peripheral although hints were dropped around fcs not being able to take decisions ordinary parents would. Really not sure who it was aimed at (but found all the programmes quite interesting and dd1 made a point of watching them)
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Post by mudlark on Jun 27, 2015 20:14:11 GMT
Just saw the third one, the second episode seems to have vanished.
The Third episode had the 'fairy tale' three children in long term foster care with impeccable manners and lovely speaking voices living in what looked like a stately home. I really hope it is that wonderful... but....really?
The other story about the 14 year old boy which was painful to watch. The foster carer was great but give he knew it was a one year placement, how was he meant to be anything other than unsettled.
It an interesting counterpoint to Long Lost Families.. Has anyone watched this?
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Post by shadow on Jun 28, 2015 8:54:49 GMT
I wonder if it was watched by any of the profs that blamed me for shadettes problems because I didn't manage structure and boundaries - and maybe started to see that isn't always the answer
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Post by mudlark on Jun 28, 2015 20:58:37 GMT
I just watched the third episode again with Mr M as he missed it. I put on my rose tinted specs and this time watching the story of Sonny Trinity and Marc seemed like the happy ending we all want ..siblings getting on, intergrated birth family/life story work. Children doing well at school. I have to say those children seemed so calm...so in control...amazing. Was it all just clever editing or can we hope for such calm children!
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