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Post by corkwing on Apr 22, 2015 15:01:22 GMT
I wonder what people think about presents for birthdays and Christmas.
When I was a boy - and no, that was NOT in the 19th century - you got presents. You didn't get money.
These days it seems quite normal for kids to give each other money when invited to parties. For Christmas and birthday, our younger ones only really seem to want money, and they do normally use it to buy something that they can't afford and that costs too much for any one person to give them as a present.
Part of me sees giving money as being pretty impersonal: there's no thought behind it; no knowledge of the person and their likes and dislikes; no effort put into finding the perfect gift. I feel a bit frustrated that a particular relative only ever sends gift tokens, but then feel equally frustrated when relatives ask "what do they want?" because again it shows no knowledge of the kids: it's down to us.
Another part of me wishes that's what had been done when I was a kid. I can remember being frustrated that there were things that I wanted but I could never have. My mum would buy a biggish present but then lots of little presents - what I would describe as "tat". Things that she seemed to think were funny or cute, like a mouth organ shaped like a banana. Things that I didn't want and never used. And I'd think it was a waste that they ended up under my bed, gathering dust, whereas if she'd used the money "properly" she could have bought me that thing that I DID actually want.
I know that "presents" isn't my love language, which makes a difference. How does anyone for whom presents IS their love language feel about it?
Thoughts?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2015 15:59:38 GMT
I think it's more of an age thing IMO.
Under 10's are usually quite easy to buy for, I know mine were, both for clothing and toys etc, but once they go to secondary school and are less under parental influence and more under peer pressure, then it all changes and they want the latest designer clothing or trainers or the latest cool phone or whatever, that's when the presents mum and dad buy are rubbish and they want money to buy the latest whatsit object of desire as they assert their independance and own personal tastes.
To be honest I was probably a bit like that myself when I became a teenager, (although I was never into designer clothes), suddenly anything my mum bought for me was just so uncool, so I don't necessarily think things have changed all that much TBH and as I said I think it is more of an age thing and breaking away from your parents, having a choice, shopping with your peers etc.
Forgot to add that I loooove buying presents for other people and usually put a lot of thought into the presents I buy for others, but when someone asks me what I'd like, I'm really useless at coming up with suggestions as I much rather give than receive presents, although having said that the best presents are usually when a thoughtful friend brings me a bunch of flowers or something when I'm not expecting anything just because they knew I'd been having a hard time or something. They're the type of presents that really mean something and usually make my eyes leak a bit because it is saying I care and I thought about you. I hate, and always have hated Valentines day flowers/presents just because the person felt he had to ....... means nothing in that case.
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Post by serrakunda on Apr 22, 2015 16:01:17 GMT
Interesting question. Personally I think if you are going to give presents a litte bit of thought goes a long way.
I often buy experience type presents, I've bought theatre tickets, trips on the mersey ferry, magazine subscriptions, Musuem memberships, does getting my god daughters ears pierced count as an experience!? For my mums 65 th I sponsored a rare duck at the wild fowl centre she visits a lot.
Simba loves having lots of parcels at Christmas and birthday but fortunately he is happy to have useful things, most of which I woud have to get him anyway. So at christmas he got about 10 parcels which were socks, pants, pjs, slippers etc. I don't really mind if people ask what he woud like because most of our family live at a distance, and we visit them rather than vice versa, so although they know for example he loves board games and books, they wouldnt necessarily know which ones he's got. So in the past I've asked for specific board games or things like tennis racket and sleeping bag or particular books. This year I've suggested grandad take him for a tour of Anfield.
I was a bit cross with someone this year who gave him a box of colouring pencils. What 10 year old doesn't have pencils coming out of their ears and just showed a total lack of thought and effort whrn I've always made a huge effort with their kids. The same person, who I've known since I was 5 years old, gave me a box of 12 sparkly nail polishes. Now apart from the fact that I don't actualy wear nail polish, when does she think I have the occasion to wear glittery nail polish. Then I felt like I was being ungrateful, but in that case I'd much rather they have sent a book token, for both of us.
Simba does also now understand that experiences can be presents, I aways take him to the theatre for his birthday. The first year he really didn't get that it was a 'present ' but did last year. This year simba was desparate to buy me a Christmas present so I took him to a local shop where we are well known, left him in the care of the owner and he chose something. Quite often he sees things with I love mummy or whatever written on them and he buys them with his pocket money. I treasure these little things because he is giving them to me from a place of love, but I also treasure the letters and notes he writes for me.
I thought the other post was interesting, while I think there were other ways of going about it and maybe it could have been written a bit differently, in a way she was trying to limit the 'tat' and make sure that if people were going to spend money on presents they didn't waste it. I won't be buying Simba any books this birthday because we still have at least 10 from Christmas that he hasn't read yet. Simba has also always been very lucky to have about 20 kids at his birthday parties, a few weeks ago I took two big bags full of unused presents to the charity shop. It's very difficult, the kids expect a present, the parents feel obliged to give. I always buy t shirts, the mums love me, the kids thing I'm boring.
I probably do splash out a bit on simba at Christmas and birthdays, but then he rarely gets stuff in between and I do name him wait. Last year he mithered about a kindle for months, he got it eventually, for his birthday.
Don't know if all of that means that presents are my love language, but I like giving and receiving presents, its not about money, but the thought behind them
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Post by sooz on Apr 22, 2015 19:16:40 GMT
Have the opposite here with snooz (no surprise there then).
He is very specific about what he wants, gives it lots of thought, is capable of accepting he can't have everything....and this year he's understood if he gets money then he can use it to put towards stuff he wanted but didn't get. My mum tries every year to get him something she thinks he'd really like but it's not what he's asked for and usually gets discarded pretty quick.
If it's not on the list its not getting in.
I love getting surprise presents for people though, something I think they'd really love.. My mum gets presents for people based on what she likes lol...I've given in and just accept whatever she thinks I'd like...far easier! (I thought id get you some new saucepans for Xmas...oh thanks but I'm ok with the ones I've got.....well I think they look a bit tatty now.....no, they're fine for now....really, I'm going to get you saucepans, take me to the shop and you can choose them.......)
I'm not very good at accepting presents, but I do like small thoughtful gifts. My best present this year was the most delicious box of chocs ever from my friend....mind you, now I know they're out there, I keep buying them! Lol
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Post by kstar on Apr 22, 2015 20:24:20 GMT
Starlet is very keen on the giving and receiving of gifts. I don't mean in a money-grabbing sort of way, to her a present is just something people will like. At Christmas her tiny stocking presents were just as exciting as her Santa gifts. She loves choosing presents too and is very good at it - so now every Christmas we have a budget and she buys gifts for whoever she wants. She will happily spend a fiver on one person then 50p on the next - it's all about finding something that's right. She gets very excited about watching people open gifts so Christmas Day takes forever!
For her first Christmas and birthday, plus her naming day and "judge day" she got some lovely thoughtful gifts, but this year she specifically asked for some gift cards because she adores shopping and wanted to be "grown up" and choose her own things. We mostly got small amounts as tag on gifts from family - so instead of spending £10 on her, someone might have spent £5 and given her a £5 voucher. She ended up with £80 to spend and was absolutely ecstatic!
Like Serrakunda, I love shopping for gifts and we buy them all year round - I am a big fan of buying nice things when you see them so it's not a chore in December! For Starlet's friends we collect things when we see really good offers like in the January sales - 8 yr old girls are ridiculously easy to buy for! We have a big collection of lovely toiletries, stationary (unlike Simba Starlet would think pens and pencils were the best presents of all, even though we could open a shop!), board games, jigsaws etc. When a party comes round, she just goes to the cupboard and chooses the most appropriate thing for that person!
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Post by larsti on Apr 22, 2015 21:27:00 GMT
Dash loves choosing presents too and, like Starlet, he is good at it and he gets more excited about all of our birthdays tha we do...can't wait for us to open our presents! He's been a joy to buy for...Scalectrix, Lego railway, remote control tractor. I think in time it will get harder, then he probably will appreciate having some money to spend.
I have been thinking quite a lot about this (not much doing this evening!) I suppose gifts are a form of communication (picking up on the 'love languages' idea). So we can misunderstand each other. Some people might think, rather than get a present that is 'tat' or unwanted, I'll give gift tokens then I know they will enjoy choosing what they really want. But the recipient might 'hear' 'They just can't be bothered to give any thought to it, they don't really care about me/my children'.
I have been reminiscing about gifts (I could write a book...'My Life in Gifts'!!) My MIL was particularly difficult to please. You knew if she didn't like her present and it was never seen again. But I remember 2 really successful 'presents' which both happened because we had not planned ahead. One time we had sent a card but no present yet and I said to DH why don't we take a big bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates round tonight (the birthday evening) as a surprise (we could do that sort of thing before children!). MIL lived about 1 hour 30 mins drive awayso it was a big surprise and she was so happy to see us (she live alone). Another time she was coming for the weekend and we had no present yet on the Friday. So we said we will take you to the White Horse Bookshop in Marlborough on Saturday to choose a book. Of course we had to have afternoon tea as well :-) She was thrilled and the book is now on our shelves :-) So rather belatedly, I think my MIL's 'love language' must have been 'quality time'
One of our children in particular is, well, particular. She is happy with a bottle of perfume that costs £50 and nothing else on Christmas day. Last year she wanted an iPhone :-0 'for Christmas and birthday' So DH who is in charge of phones said we would pay towards it for Christmas and birthday but she had to pay a large percentage. So with her she knows what she wants. Older son not so fussy but I would never buy him clothes or books anymore because I always get it wrong these days! What I'd really love to get him for his birthday is a decent haircut but that would be like Sooz's Mum and the saucepans :-)
He was pleased with a coffee grinder I chose for him a couple of Christmases ago and that was a surprise so that was a 'result'.
I always feel disappointed that older DD (the fussy one) is often much better at choosing presents for her Dad than I am! Don't know why :-(
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Post by larsti on Apr 22, 2015 21:48:59 GMT
Just wondering whether gifts are my older DD's 'love language' But quality time is definitely one as well. Would it make sense that if you speak 'gifts' you are not only very thoughtful and good at choosing gifts, but also care more than some other people about the gifts you receive?It hurts to be given a thoughtless or inappropriate gift? I used to always choose a DVD for each child at Christmas, but not any more since DD opened hers (Furry Vengeance) and said 'Why would I want to watch this?' We still laugh about it. They tried to watch it, but gave up it was so awful.
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Post by pingu on Apr 23, 2015 19:00:09 GMT
Presents are one way i show i care, but in my boys case it is more a case of " i saw this book in the charity shop and thoight you would enjoy it " or " Asda were having a sale so here is that T shirt you were drooling over last month. " besicaly, smalll stuff that shows i am thinking about them when i am doing other things. I should probably do it for hubby more, but he is tricky to buy for, in terms of him wanting to choose very specific stufff. Birthdays and Christmas, i like to give them a present,. Sometimes what they want is too expensive for just us to buy, but we havea couple of relatives and a freind, who always ask them what they want, and, if they want something expensive, they ask these people if they can have money towards the big thing.. They then send cheque to us and we get the item, and they boys either phone or send thank you letters. And at Christmas i really enjoy making up a stocking , having fun looking for small items that i think they will apreciate. What i have noticed has changed is when they are invited to, or have, a birthday party. Those invoted just seem to bring money with theor card mostly. I actually think its laziness on the part of evryone, but the boys prefer it, as then they can get what THEY want, and combine it all for one big present, rather than ending up with lots of small items given to them, that they may, or may not enjoy. I do enjoy a few presents to open at Christmas and birthday myself however, thoigh money is more needed nowadays !
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Post by topcat on Apr 24, 2015 7:57:39 GMT
Years ago I worked with an aging hippy who told me how he'd bought his grand-daughter a tray or old crockery from a charity shop and her present was being allowed to drop it!
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Post by corkwing on Apr 24, 2015 15:02:23 GMT
We have given younger kids a large box: they loved them!
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Post by serrakunda on Apr 24, 2015 15:42:44 GMT
Simbas dad gave him a scooter last year. He wasn't impressed because he already has two, but he and little bro had a fabulous afternoon making a rocket ship out of the box!
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Post by sooz on Apr 24, 2015 16:36:57 GMT
Snooz loves a cardboard box too
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Post by larsti on Apr 24, 2015 16:41:41 GMT
Milton Jones joke My nephew wants to be an accountant. For his birthday I gave him a bag of receipts. I said 'Don't worry if you don't like them. I've kept all the presents.'
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