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Post by mudlark on Apr 8, 2015 22:17:48 GMT
Lapwings 6th Birthday today. She was amazing, calmly opened her presents and looked at all her cards, liked her presents....showed genuine pleasure at it being her birthday. Later we met up with her two cousins ( girl 10 and boy 7) for an afternoon in beautiful sunshine at a little farm near by which had animals children can hold, lambs, guinea pigs, goats, chicks...all very cute! We had a lovely picnic, Lapwing happy and smiling. Home later for a birthday tea with the cousins , birthday cake ( Frozen of course) and then all 4 children, Lapwing, Peewit and two cousins playing happily, dare I say sweetly. upstairs without us.
All lovely and surprising and very delightful. However....
The evening did not end well. After cousins left Peewit went into a terrible rage, clearly jealous and confused at his sisters lovely day, and indeed at her loveliness over a prolonged period of time. His rage was such that he became very violent and almost disconnected. It ended with Mr M having to deal with Peewit. I mean stop him from hurting and destroying.
Lapwing and I were both crying. Now this has never really happened before...I mean she and I crying at the same time about the same thing ( albeit with different emotional triggers) but...the good bit out of the bad ending was that Lapwing and I both snuggled in bed weeping and suddenly looked at each other and we both felt better with the look...it may sound very minimal...but it felt enormous...I ma not sure what it was. Maybe empathy, maybe acceptance, maybe just a connection. It was ironically the best moment for me of the day.
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Post by serrakunda on Apr 9, 2015 0:35:48 GMT
What a lot going on, glad lapwing enjoyed her day, sounds like you had a very special moment, though sad it came from such a difficult moment.
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Post by corkwing on Apr 9, 2015 5:49:48 GMT
Hi, Mudlark -
Sounds like connection, to me, which is BRILLIANT! Sorry about Peewit's meltdown, but so many great things in the day.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2015 8:39:28 GMT
That was amazing. So glad Lapwing allowed herself to enjoy her birthday, that she felt she was worthy of nice things, that shows huge progress and thanks to your parenting.
Sad that Peewit spoiled it, but not surprising as he probably couldn't cope with Lapwing being the centre of attention, getting presents etc. He was jealous and felt left out. Maybe next year it might be worth buying a small present for which ever child isn't the birthday child on the day, just to take the edge off it.
Definately think there was a connection made with Lapwing though, she had a nice day and then when her brother kicked off and she saw how sad you were she realised that you too are human and have emotions and feelings and although it wasn't how you wanted an enjoyable day to end, it is progress that she shared something with you and let you in to comfort her and felt safe enough to do so.
Maybe have a think about how to handle Peewits birthday when it comes round, small present for Lapwing, talk about hown it is his special day and how you know it is hard etc.
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Post by milly on Apr 9, 2015 9:01:54 GMT
Lovely that she enjoyed her day and you felt that connection later - don't let Peewit's meltdown spoil it for you. Was it jealousy or difficulty with the ending of a fun day? Sounds more the latter to me if he was fine earlier. My older dd hates endings - it was never her style to meltdown, but she would do things like hide her cousin's toys in that situation. We used to talk about how it wouldn't make them stay and would only upset them but it was years before she could stop doing it. She did get positive feedback from it - the fuss as they searched and then the pleasure of being the one to find whatever was "lost".
Maybe a treat for after the event is over?
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Post by knight on Apr 9, 2015 21:23:14 GMT
Happy Birthday Lapwing, glad you all had a lovely day; shame it didn't end so well but a lot of positives in there which is great x
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Post by sivier on Apr 10, 2015 12:12:40 GMT
That moment must have been very special. You just know when there's been some sort of a breakthrough, of any magnitude, of any kind, and that sounds like one. xx
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Post by mudlark on Apr 10, 2015 17:36:40 GMT
Thank you all, I do try and store the golden moments to see us through the tougher times.
xMudlark
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Post by damson on Apr 10, 2015 19:20:25 GMT
I hope peewit has calmed down. Those high octane meltdowns take a lot out of everyone.
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Post by mudlark on Apr 10, 2015 19:30:01 GMT
Thanks Damson he has. Its strange the way the can from one extreme emotion to another...and seem to forget about it...unlike me...who dwells on it!
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Post by damson on Apr 10, 2015 19:44:47 GMT
Hmmm, once rid of the emotional hairball all is fine  |
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