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Post by mudlark on Mar 24, 2015 22:12:47 GMT
apologies to any teachers reading....but I am so frustrated! It was Parents evening. Obviously I am glad my children are doing ok academically....but I felt like strangling someone...I really think teachers do an amazing job, I appreciate they are not therapists or social workers...but couldn't they use their imaginations and try and think/empathise with how a 4 and 5 year old who have been taken away from their mum, aged 1 and 2 moved around 7 different foster placements, landed in a forever family, only to be taken away, then back into foster care, then once again plonked into their next forever family.. which is us.. and then put in school..
...comments included I bet you never think about that they are adopted any more Now you're just like the rest of us normal mums He is well in the range of normal.. Isn't it better not to dwell on the past...he ( peewit aged 4) really just has to move on. She (Lapwing) needs to work on her handwriting and stop being so oppositional.. Is this life story work necessary, isn't it better to draw a line
Arrrghhhhh I know many teachers are amazing and inspirational, but some are irritatingly 'know it al'l and glib!
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Post by daffin on Mar 24, 2015 22:37:48 GMT
I'm speechless!
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Post by esty (archive) on Mar 24, 2015 22:38:36 GMT
Oh that is unbelievable. Get onto your Adoption support Team in the local council and get them to go in and do training. somwething similar happened to us and now after training there is usually some thought processes going on or they actuallly ask me what I think.
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Post by mudlark on Mar 25, 2015 14:17:23 GMT
and this is a Thrive school as well.....
I have give the name of the someone that can do training for them for free who specialises in trauma and adopted children....
I honestly don't know how they can have so little imagination to think about how these children might be feeling.
They seem to think I am making a 'fuss' about nothing.
They actually said about the theraplay Lapwing has..but is it outcome based? and used the analogy of if you had builders in to build an extension you would what an end date to the project... how can I put a time limit on how long it might take to heal her... when I said she may need help all through her school years, they looked at me as if I was mad.
I did feel angry now I feel sort resigned to the fact that no one at all who works at that school understands at all.
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Post by runmum on Mar 25, 2015 17:14:22 GMT
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! and much sympathy. Like the rest of us normal mums - seriously - that's totally RUDE! You should say what you found offensive if you don't they will never know.
If you had builders in to do an extension you would have a specification about the outcomes and they would have to keep going until the outcomes were met. It's fine to say we want 3 windows and a door but if they said we can do it in 3 weeks (they always do LOL) but after that you have no windows - it's not good enough. Yes you need to know when to stop Theraplay and maybe try something else but if it's helping and continues to help then get the best outcome you possibly can!! That said Theraplay is supposed to be a pretty short term intervention - if things don't shift then you look at other options but still.
They do need training but make sure they use someone with specialist experience in adoption - our school just used the company that do their play therapy and whilst they have a bit of insight they were by no means specialists and something like the PAC or adoption UK courses or the "after adoption" course would be better. In the meantime give them the supporting adopted children in schools booklet from the adoption UK site - the one developed in NI - it's very good.
Once again ahhhhhhhhh and sympathy!
We have an EHCP panel tomorrow and I am expecting lots of this sort of rubbish but at the same time hoping to be pleasantly surprised.
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Post by sooz on Mar 25, 2015 17:35:28 GMT
 Seriously??? Omg
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Post by justbserene11 on Mar 25, 2015 19:28:45 GMT
Teacher here taking a break at the mo. Seriously.......  I would never never say that and honestly do not know any teacher colleagues that would! The nursery where poppet attends know that she is adopted. She is doing well there. However, never had any comments made like this. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. |
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Post by mudlark on Mar 25, 2015 19:57:22 GMT
I know it is unbelievable. It is one particular teacher, Peewits current teacher, she was Lapwings teacher last year. She is passive aggressive if you know what I mean. People like this are very hard to have an honest conversation with as she will become immediately defensive....sigh.... but thanks for your outrage..helps to know it is not just me
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Post by sivier on Mar 25, 2015 23:40:38 GMT
Just seen this.
I am stunned by some of these comments mudlark. Really very crass and ill-informed.
Lets Learn Together (which I think is the booklet runmum mentioned) is excellent. But the teachers have to have an open mind and be receptive to what's in that kind of literature. I'm struggling with the 'advice' to be simply moving on and not 'dwelling in the past' - for a traumatised 4 year old. Sure. Yes. Silly old us mummies. Of course we should just be moving on. And drawing a line.
Big sigh. I can feel a rant on your behalf coming on.
Pupil Premium for Adopted Children Case Studies (Caroline Thomas, BAAF, March 2015) is really interesting with lots of good ideas, if you can get anyone at the school to listen...
Lots of hugs.
xx
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Post by littlemisscheerful on Mar 26, 2015 11:40:37 GMT
I found the best way was to use adult equivalents and get them to imagine for themselves.
eg Moving overseas with work, and no choice.
Scary dark car park at night, hear footsteps, now imagine being asked to do mental arithmetic.
Bubble wrapped children (Helen Oakwater) has some very real examples taking in all the senses (from the child's pov)- might be worth giving all teachers a copy of a couple of pages.
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Post by mudlark on Mar 26, 2015 13:27:18 GMT
I am not sure if it is that some people just can't cope with anything other than seeing the world as rosy,
perhaps they just can't believe or wont believe that children have suffered so much at the hands of other adults
sivier, they do listen, they will sit there and listen take notes, but then come out with some glib comment which to me means they are just not hearing what I am saying, or don't want to, or because its outside the margins of their own experiences, just refuse to accept that it can be true. I also feel, and I know I run the risk of offending those on here that are teachers,( so sorry for that) but the teachers I am dealing with at least, have absolutely no respect for parents at all, and completely rubbish the idea that I might have some experience in child behaviour that they don't. I feel like complaining about some of the comments...but DH says save my energy for the children!
The SENCO is everso nice, and nods and agrees in all the right places, but I can see from his face that he's thinking...yes yes..that's all normal..
I regularly email them links to sites that they might find useful I imagine they go straight in their spam box.
.......roll on easter hols......
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Seriously??? Omg
