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Post by mudlark on Feb 9, 2015 19:59:38 GMT
As part of my listening to the advice given here, I am considering, myself and Mr M attending a friends birthday Cealidh in March, and the possibility of having the odd evening out once in a while. My question is about baby sitters. We have very limited options. Option one is my mother and stepfather, hale and hearty but in their 70's and although the children know and like them , would I know play them up and we'd probably come home to a house of chaos.
Option 2. Find an experienced babysitter, introduce them to the children in advance, and thus keep it more objective, no grandparents to have hurt feelings, no children feeling they can run wild.
The whole thing will probably be a disaster but we have to start to have some respite both individually and as a couple. I don't have friends that could do this, either they have their own children, or I know they would not be able to 'cope' with my two kids! What have other people opted for? |
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Post by esty (archive) on Feb 9, 2015 21:24:58 GMT
Sorry its me again! You might want to approach a couple of child minders and see whether one of them would do it? contact your local Teacher training college and see whether two students would come together? Are you friendly with any of the adopters who went through training with as they might do it and you could return the favour?
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Post by sooz on Feb 9, 2015 21:54:24 GMT
I go for the grandma option.....yes I know Snooz runs rings around her, chaos reigns, but for once or twice a month, and never when there is school the next day, I'm not worrying!
Snooz loves the freedom he gets with grandma in comparison to me. I make sure he's fed and in pj's so there is less for grandma to get him to do.
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Post by mudlark on Feb 9, 2015 22:14:18 GMT
Its hard one....I had until this week just thought, as usual we wont go, but I have not been out in the evening for 17 months, I am not that bothered, but something tells me I should be bothered.... I don't like chaos, and I suppose in order to have some life outside of this I am going to have to accept chaos... Esty that is a good idea..two child minders that would at least give them moral support.. or is it just that its me only believing that I cam deal with it, maybe I need to just let go and see if anyone else can......
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Post by esty (archive) on Feb 10, 2015 10:14:19 GMT
Sometimes when Big Fish is under the weather or just doing his general moaning and complaining I just have to take a deep breath and walk out of the door. I always say ring me rather than not as I would be happier that you ask questions and ask for support than struggle on. When starting new staff they are with me for about 3 to 4 months before they can be left. 3 to 4 months of one or two sessions a week. Then I just go to the shop for 10 minutes and come back. Then slightly further away for slightly more timeuntil I'm happy and they are happy that they can manage. I have two mature carers who I would leave for far longer like four hours on a Sunday. And iif he is poorly or just not coping then I just don't go. Introducing someone who could come and play might really work well for you then you could be with one child when they are playing with the other. It gives you much needed company and enables you to have a laugh about it all. I'm offen crying with laughter with my carers as some of the things that happen are just so not the norm.
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Post by daffin on Feb 10, 2015 10:58:58 GMT
Our LA has a list of childminders trained to work with special needs children. We just got in touch and asked them for the list and they emailed it to us. Your LA probably has something similar.
We got the list with the intention of using one or more of them as babysitters but never have - they specify what kinds of disabilities and ages they are used to. Because of MBs challenges after starting school and me breaking my foot we have hunkered down and not really gone out. For similar reasons as you we have been out once recently and had a local friend babysit. She knows the children well and they like her - but we didn't go out until they are both in bed - which restricts where we go as it has to be local.
I am thinking of using someone from MBs former nursery next. We will have an intro session when she just comes round to play with the kids for a couple of hours while I'm here and when we go out we will have her come a good hour before the kids bedtime, so they feel comfortable.
I can't really imagine leaving both of them with someone during the day. I don't think it would be fair on them!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2015 12:55:59 GMT
Think if it were me, I would try out the grandparent option first after speaking to them and setting out the rules and how they would need to enforce them. You need to start as you mean to go on and all 4 adults will have to be in agreement for it to work. It won't work obviously if you think they won't listen to you or will just do their own thing.
Assuming they are on board, I would make the first occasion a short one or would just go out locally where you can get back home quickly if need be. Then I would make it a regular weekly/monthly thing so that the kids get used to it. I do think it is essential for you and DH to have a night out a least once a month or your relationship will suffer.
If you go down the agency route, it is trickier because there is no guarantee that you will get the same person every time and as we all know our children don't cope with change so having a new face everytime won't help them to feel secure and they will then act out their insecurities on you.
A fellow adopter is a great idea if you have one locally as they will get it and will work with you, but if the GP's are up for it then they'd be best as they already know the kids.
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Post by mudlark on Feb 10, 2015 16:56:42 GMT
I have decided to go for the Grandparents , spoke to my mother today and have briefed her, she is on board. It's not until March. I have left them for a couple of hours with them during the day and it's been ok. But bed time is a whole different ball game in this house and can be very painful for everyone.
Thanks for tips and advice, it seems it's just going to be a bitter pill that I , the GP's and the children must swallow so we can all get used to it and it will less of an ordeal.
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Post by mudlark on Feb 10, 2015 19:41:31 GMT
I am not brave enough to let them do the actual routine, I am planning to have them in bed before they even get here, just a quick good night that's it. We can hardly keep up with the madness and sadness of the bedtime routine, the thought of my mother doing it fills me actual fear! I might though have them pop over to say good night a couple of times.
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Post by serrakunda on Feb 10, 2015 20:32:30 GMT
That sounds like a good plan. Even though Simba is quite happy for me to go out, I still have him fed, watered and in Pj s before I go.
Now, start thinking about party frocks, if you haven't been out for over a year you must need a new one
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Post by milly on Feb 10, 2015 20:50:23 GMT
When we only had dd1 we used DH's mum who has had a great relationship with dd since the off. She is really patient with her and has never worried about her behaviour. But mostly we would time going out with dd having gone to bed. Though deceitful we knew that if she wasn't in bed, there was little chance mil would get her there plus if she did wake, it wouldn't worry dd to find her there - but she never did being a great sleeper.
When dd2 came along it was a whole different problem. For one she hated being left with mil. Mil was older and more frail, and not having the close relationship, feared dealing with dd2's tantrums etc. Also dd2 has lots of fears around bedtime so us going out was very difficult for her.
Eventually we started using someone who child minded several of dd's friends - dd had often been invited for play dates by her. Even so dd found it hard and sometimes refused to go to sleep. But in the end we decided that as long as she was safe, a bit of lack of sleep wasn't the end of the world. We still use this woman, or sometimes her daughter. Now the problem is both girls prefer the teenage daughter and don't want her mother. I figure they both know our dds' various quirks and still keep coming, so that's good enough for me. Both are too old now for any sneaking out after their bedtime. Only issue is affording a night out on top of paying for a babysitter - we pay well to keep them on side!
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Post by swimchic on Feb 10, 2015 21:10:52 GMT
We got a local childminders daughter to sit for us.
She came round and met Pink at home and they got on really well. She handled everything really wee, especially when Pink slept walked..
Worked for us as my parents live a fair way away and it all gets too complicated with arrangements...
Swimchic
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Post by leo on Feb 10, 2015 21:38:28 GMT
Even if you are planning to have them in bed before you go, it may be worth thinking about having your Mum round a few times at around bedtime to read each of them a bedtime story or two. Also perhaps making sure she knows how to work the DVD player.
The theory behind this being that if the children woke up (I'm being optimistic and hoping they will actually go to sleep - DVD is for if they won't!)then she could read stories to them (on a continuous loop) until you return and that this then wouldn't seem too strange as they would have experienced it before.
If they really won't settle then coming down with duvets to watch a DVD on the sofa? One evening every now and then of this won't hurt them (but could make it extra fun for you to get them to bed the following night!)
So pleased you are making the choice to go - and hope you have already replied with a 'Yes' to the invite.
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Post by mudlark on Feb 10, 2015 22:04:04 GMT
My two can not cope with stories in their bedroom at bedtime. It's just not possible. On the very odd occasion I can stand in the middle of the room and tell a story. Bedtime routine is very low key with as little stimulation as possible. A quick..good night to Lawping, a kiss or firm stroke on the head and that's it. The same to peewit, but slightly more affection as he likes it at bedtime. Then leave the room. they then both come out of the bedroom to ask what they can think , I tell them what to think about then shoo them back to bed... and on a good night that's it. On a bad night, if they are over stimulated then its chaos!
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Post by mudlark on Feb 10, 2015 22:05:13 GMT
Sad really...as I would love to read to them, sing to them at bed time......
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Post by mudlark on Feb 10, 2015 22:13:58 GMT
but yes leo I have replied yes to the invite...! am nervous! and also have nothing to wear.. that's if I get to go at all of course...
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2015 22:18:38 GMT
You need a few practise nights out before the party for all your sakes.
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Post by leo on Feb 10, 2015 22:33:06 GMT
And a few shopping sessions in your newly instigated weekly time-out!
Sorry Mudlark, I should have thought that through. Our bedtimes used to be like that too. If it's any help, ours have improved hugely and we can now enjoy story time as part of our bedtime routine. Tsunami in particular needs a very short ending though - he still can't cope well with physical closeness or any form of stimulation.
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Post by lankelly on Feb 11, 2015 0:03:42 GMT
Do you use melatonin for children..? It seems to quieten ours enough before sleep to settle for stories.singing etc.
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Post by mudlark on Feb 11, 2015 15:53:11 GMT
No never tried melatonin, does it actually make them sleepy?
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Post by leo on Feb 11, 2015 20:05:37 GMT
Melatonin allows Tsunami to relax enough to let his body and mind be still so sleep can take over. Thinking about it, starting melatonin could well have been the point at which he was able to accept a story rather than the two second goodnight it used to be.
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Post by mudlark on Feb 11, 2015 20:32:33 GMT
I know nothing about melatonin, other than its is used to help sleep, I did not know children could take it. That's interesting... as our 2 second goodnight is always a bit depressing.
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Post by littlemisscheerful on Feb 12, 2015 13:16:18 GMT
I have only used Grandparents until very recently. Now paying a babysitter who is a friend of mine and always short of cash (and the girls love her), - she has no boundaries which the girls feel is fab, but one reason why i've only started doing it now!
We have a local FB page, and babysitters seem to really vary between teens looking for some cash and very well qualified almost nannies.
I've used LSAs from school for respite - maybe contact a local special school to advertise for a sitter for you?
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