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Post by mudlark on Feb 2, 2015 20:49:10 GMT
Yes they have a trauma bond and they can be very difficult...
I have been waiting to see if it was a one off, but Lapwing and Peewit have now 'played ' together, or alongside each other several times for the last two weeks. Lots of other stuff going on, but they played for 2 hours at the weekend, imaginary games with little moshi monster toys. They also played pirates, with Lapwing amazingly accepting Peewit being the captain. Then today, usually a hard day as Peewit is at home with me, and often Lapwing is very jealous ad destructive when we get her from school.
But today Peewit showed her the 3 sock puppets we made, instead of screaming where were hers, or throwing them on the floor, she looked at them and asked Peewit lots of questions about how he made them. Peewit looked as surprised as I felt.
Overall I would also say the instances of Lapwing hurting Peewit over the last 5 weeks has lessened by about 80% I have been keeping count and she is definitely hurting him less.
Despite all the other stuff , these small milestones, make me feel uplifted once more. Why is this happening? I do believe that Lapwings Theraplay is of huge help, and Peewits days with me on Monday are also very healing for him. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2015 7:52:13 GMT
Fab to hear of such progress and that Theraplay is helping. Am sure a lot of it is down to you being a fab mum too.  Enjoy. |
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Post by corkwing on Feb 3, 2015 8:26:34 GMT
Hi, Mudlark -
Mackerel never could play with his siblings. There was a semblance of play, but it was always a sequence of acts of control. I'd love to say that I'm jealous that Lapwing and Peewit seem to have cracked it, but actually it's a mixture of feeling really, really, REALLY glad for you and a deep, deep sadness at what Mackerel missed out on.
Because of that, I know that this is INCREDIBLY significant and I hope and pray that they'll be able to maintain and build on this huge step.
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Post by mudlark on Feb 3, 2015 11:14:13 GMT
Today I had a parent session with our therapist, and I relayed my observations about them playing together, she also thought it was significant, but she was looking at it from a attachment perspective and thought it showed that Lapwing was beginning to feel that there might be enough love/attention for them both, that Lapwing was beginning to trust me enough, that she was beginning to feel that I did not prefer Peewit. However she warned that it would be likely she would revert to her default positions at times of a stress and anxiety. I understand her warnings, but I am just delighted that it has happened at all, I agree Corkwing, for me it was INCREDIBLY significant and I have fingers and toes crossed that it might continue, even with the odd regression.
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Post by esty (archive) on Feb 3, 2015 12:49:06 GMT
Wonderful!
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Post by knight on Feb 3, 2015 18:19:04 GMT
Wow, those instances (play and significantly reduced hitting incidents) are huge, it's taken a long time and lots of love and effort and patience but very big steps in the right direction. Well done mummy and daddy and your children for managing/doing it, so heart-warming x
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Post by mudlark on Feb 3, 2015 22:10:28 GMT
Yes.. it feels big...this afternoon after school we played a game, me and Peewit and Lapwing, its called Spotty Dogs, its a game of chance really, but I tried to play it with them six months ago and it was a disaster, a riot, armageddon. Today...we played it, and both stuck to the rules, accepted it when the other one won, accepted it with humour and good grace...they were hovering on the over excited , but with tweaks and nudges form me they managed to complete the game...it was all very 'managed' but never the less we actually did a family game and when Peewit won....Lapwing did not try and kill him... she rolled around on the floor a lot, but she accepted that he had won... Peewit looked modest and proud and regal...Lapwing...did a lot of gurning...but did not hit her brother at all..
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Post by lankelly on Feb 10, 2015 20:09:29 GMT
I know how good it feels Mudlark. Our three sometimes begin to role play sometimes and its like manna from heaven.other positive activities like play dough so long they have identical everything. We too have severe violence between sibs and are on Theraplay for numero uno. So are waiting and hoping for the filter down effect to begin...I always make it clear to them it's FAbulous when they are able to play like this. Almost have to stop myself from cheering! Hope your fun continues to grow.x
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Post by milly on Feb 10, 2015 20:56:15 GMT
Definitely a cause for celebration! Mine play on and off - less now dd1 is a teen. But it has always been like that (they are not biologically related) and I'm not sure it has ever actually got better. One thing - they tend to get on better if I'm not there. Otherwise they can compete for my favour.
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Post by peartree on Feb 10, 2015 22:52:18 GMT
Really lovely
Hard fought for
Genuine progress x
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