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Post by runmum on Nov 4, 2014 10:14:03 GMT
Trying to work out what to say to school who have surpassed themselves this time. Both boys had EP reports. Both report talks about low self esteem, difficulties with self regulation, importance of avoidance of shame. At meeting to discuss EP reports and way forward one offer from school was that DS aged 10 who had been demonstrating inability to manage his anger in the playground should have a safe place to go so if he is feeling like he might blow then he can ask to go inside to the place and chill. Kind of good although the blowing up is from the limbic brain so I did say it might not prevent the blow ups and asked again for a support worker and was told again no the LA NEVER FUNDS THAT SORT OF THING (it seems they only fund what our boys don't need.)
Anyway DS comes home with a yellow card yesterday - this means detention. It was for fighting. There was a note on the bottom saying he had now been shown his safe place. So I ask him about it and seriously my gob was well and truly smacked. It is a chair outside the staffroom and head's office in the corridor - that's it!!! What in the name of sanity are they thinking of. What will he do there - sit and think about how awful he is and have to explain to everyone who goes by or absorb the "oh dear who's been a naughty boy then" looks Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
We have explained so many times about shame and trauma and neglect and they have had training sessions and our SW has met them - if anyone can help me devise a short easy to understand non-confrontational but assertive form for words to manage this I would be very grateful because I am EXASPERATED!
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Post by caledonia on Nov 4, 2014 12:01:49 GMT
hi runmum
Not sure I can suggest wording but did not want to read this and not reply.
That is awful! The school I took DD away from for their lack of understanding few years ago did exactly this to a child who had a heart complaint and who could not play outside in the cold. The teachers kept asking her why she had been bad. It turned out that her teacher did not think there was anything wrong with the child so had done it to encourage her to play outside instead. This child then deteriorated and spend 3 months in hospital awaiting a heart transplant which finally happened. School were not very sympathetic until the Parent Council Chair - a stroppy woman called Caledonia got involved!
DD has a number of rooms she can go to for a safe place during break and lunch times, including the support for learning room and this is fully equipped with computers and other things to do to take her mind off her worries. There are a number of children who can access this room and there are also SfL staff there who understand and the children are actually safe.
Perhaps the approach is 'thanks for finding a safe place, and while this place may at first glance seem safe being close to staff and the head, given the killer shame that DS experiences and that this place can be used for naughty children, this is making DS feel even less safe.' Perhaps go on and suggest a place you know of in the school, the library, the SfL room, his classroom where he can go and have something to do (what ever works for DS) to reduce his stress levels. Also add that he needs something to do to redirect his pent up frustration as sitting in a chair with nothing to do just makes him brood which does nothing to help him.
They should all know this but sometimes teachers don't think beyond the 'solution'. Perhaps compare how DS reacts to the reaction of a child with a secure start to life to help them 'see' the error of their ways. I'd put it in writing so you have it on record and copy to your SW.
Not sure if this would help but hopefully someone who has more experience will come along and give you what you want.
Cale
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Post by runmum on Nov 4, 2014 14:36:36 GMT
Thanks Caledonia. I am about to go to pick up DS number 2 to take him to therapy and just hope I don't bump into head or teacher today so I can construct my words carefully. But thanks for your "thanks for the the safe place" starting line. I will follow this with I am concerned that's it not really what my husband the SWs and I had in mind - we should chat about this soon but when we all have a bit more time to make sure we are all understood. That will get it on the table but buy me some space. DS 1 off to sec school but thinking of moving DS 2 just cannot find anywhere we are confident in.
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Post by corkwing on Nov 9, 2014 19:45:22 GMT
Hi, Runmum -
Sorry: only just seen this. I don't have any answers but do hope you manage to get through to them.
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Post by mudlark on Nov 9, 2014 20:02:46 GMT
They are not a THRIVE school I take it? Although I am not very impressed by thrive at all, it is a starting point. I agree with Cale put in writing your concerns, as if things get worse you will have a record of your concerns, and recommendations to the school.
Sounds awful, so many of our problems seem to stem from schools just not having the experience, expertise or time/willingness to learn, listen.
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Post by runmum on Nov 13, 2014 19:51:06 GMT
Thanks everyone all sorted. Went to see the Head she understood straight away and said she would work with out AS to agree a more suitable place.
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Post by moo on Nov 14, 2014 7:09:33 GMT
Awww great news runmum....
Lets hope she briefs the offending staff xx
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by caledonia on Nov 19, 2014 13:26:24 GMT
well done you runmum.
Cale
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