ruby7
Bronze Member
Approved prospective adopter
Posts: 96 
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Post by ruby7 on Oct 27, 2014 19:42:09 GMT
Just got a shock, just seen the two kids we were turned down for as ' the plan had changed' and they felt they could support them better in care and we were too demanding for post adoption support ( yes it actually says that in the letter) . They are profiled on the adoption link website. We were a week away from matching panel...I thought we had overcome, but seeing them again has upset me ...I was not expecting to feel like this as we are looking at other children....nothing or no one prepared me for this...
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Post by leo on Oct 27, 2014 19:59:12 GMT
I'm so sorry. That is awful - both for those children and for you.
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Post by moo on Oct 28, 2014 6:27:58 GMT
Hugs ruby that is really awful for you.... {{{}}}
I well remember the lies SS often tell when asked for feedback & reasons why they rejected the link..... Bet it is all down to budget & the fact that you ( rightly ) identified that support was very necessary for the l/o's.. Budget is the most highly guarded commodity & SS expect us adopters to be so very very grateful to be selected as parents, that we never ask or spot the gaping flaws in the support package offered.....
Hang in your l/o are waiting for you.... Sorry this sounds glib.... I well remember never believing it was gonna happen for me.... It really was such a shock when it finally happened.... Was pinching myself for years!!?xx
Keep posting we have all been where you are xxx {{}}
xx. moo. Xx
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2014 6:35:54 GMT
Hugs to you Ruby, it must be heartbreaking to see them xx
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Post by ladybug on Oct 28, 2014 6:43:35 GMT
A www Ruby that is awful. I can sort of imagine how you are feeling although our situation was slightly different, we enquired about sibs on AL got as far as child appreciation and they came up with feeble excuses as to why they decided not to proceed and that there was a stronger link and a few weeks later they were back on AL!!!
((((Hugs))))
X x x Ladybug x x X
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ruby7
Bronze Member
Approved prospective adopter
Posts: 96
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Post by ruby7 on Oct 28, 2014 17:48:13 GMT
Thanks folks, good to know you understand, ladybug that sounds awful ...yes I'm quietly feeling our time will come and this is all part of the process...as my sister keeps reminding me, I might not need to go through labour and birth pains, but am sort of going through emotional pain and it's a right of passage....hmmmm
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Post by knight on Oct 28, 2014 20:37:52 GMT
Oh heck Ruby that's awful but Moo is right: they are obviously hoping someone with less knowledge will accept less support in place ~ but the cost in the longer term may still prove a problem. Hugs to you x
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Post by daffin on Oct 28, 2014 22:03:00 GMT
Ruby, I'm so sorry.
To be honest I never found comments that draw parallels between pregnancy and labour and the adoption process that helpful. I think getting pregnant naturally and going through a safe labour is a walk in the park compared to the mental and emotional torture that most of us adopters have gone through to try to make our families.
But then I've never been pregnant, so what would I know!
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Post by pingu on Oct 29, 2014 15:00:54 GMT
Normally I am not one to stir the dust ( much !) but actually I think this is is appalling to the extent of bad practise. If it was me I would be raising this with MP or councillor or whoever has authority over the sw dept in your area. If you still have the letter to show him or her and the evidence they are advertising again. First it shows they lied to you, second, it would have cost much more to keep the kids in care, even with allowance and therapy, so the support cost excuse is rubbish Personally I would also be tempted to reapply and see what they say this time round - it might even be different social workers who feel differently , and want these kids to have a home, and / or a penny pinching, short sighted senior manager who has moved on , who knows. They must have seriously felt that you were suitable , or it wouldn't have got so far as it did. I would certainly be asking serious questions, even if I didn't want to go ahead with anything .
But I am not you, and I support whatever you feel is right for you, whatever you decide to do or not do. You must be truly shocked and upset by this. Hope you can find a way to deal with this that helps you, for you have been treated appallingly as far as I can see.
Best Wishes
Pingu
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ruby7
Bronze Member
Approved prospective adopter
Posts: 96
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Post by ruby7 on Oct 29, 2014 20:21:32 GMT
Thanks folks, I do feel like reapplying just to see what would happen, but that's game playing and feel I need to move on.... I will be writing to the director of the LA outlining how, as a customer I have experienced there service,
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2014 9:41:16 GMT
Yes Ruby, do write and complain and maybe copy in your local MP if you feel strong enough to do this.
That's the problem, unless we highlight the flaws in the system, nothing will change and too many people, understandably, don't complain as they feel "what's the point?", but if the powers that be don't get to hear about it, nothing will change and for the sake of a letter, you just might help.
Hugs to you xx
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Post by esty (archive) on Nov 1, 2014 22:01:13 GMT
If you feel you are the right parents for these children reapply. 'Nothing that is meant for you passes you by'. This could be a second chance.
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