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Post by wibbley on Sept 18, 2014 22:19:47 GMT
There have been a few old threads in the past about HE, but I thought with a new term I might start a new thread for home educators or those considering it.
So to kick off, I HE 2 (very different) children. I de-registered DD 2 yrs ago this September & DS has never been to school. Quite frankly pre-school was a bad enough experience for him & his needs were the driving force for us considering HE.
I expected DS & the things he struggles with to change over time, but I have also been pleasantly surprised to see how much DD has opened up & her attachment strengthened.
HE isn't perfect, but it's the best option for my children right now - though I have no intention of DS ever going to school.
Anyone else out there?
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Post by larsti on Sept 18, 2014 23:14:06 GMT
Well I will say hello too Birth daughter aged 14 was school refusing aged 8 and as there was a good reason why she was unhappy we took her out. For a long time I was quite worried about her because there were so many things she refused to do (in terms of going out and activities). Tantrums and all sorts. But with hindsight she needed time and space to process a lot of stuff, including growing up almost overnight aged 10. I was so glad she was at home and not being teased by boys or other girls. Then of course there was becoming a big sister aged 9 that was a shock to the system Now (aged 14) she is doing drama for goodness sake! She was in a play in the summer and seems to have a talent for comedy. One of my friends was in tears after the performance as she knew how shy (reclusive!) DD had been at one stage. AS has benefited so much from home ed and I would recommend it to any adopter. But we have has support from a friend who offered to do some one to one with him (she was already doing some childminding for us to give us a break and give him some play time in a small group) She now does 3 mornings a week and I couldn't do it without her. But then I am an 'older' Mum (53) not as much energy as I once had so if you are younger maybe you will cope better. We have had a relaxed approach/autonomous education/unschooling type arrangement and it has worked for us. People say 'children need structure' but I am sure Dash's brain has developed during all the 'down time' he has. Violet seems to go in spurts. At the moment its creative stuff knitting and rug making while watching musicals. Other times its writing, reading, baking and cooking. whole days spent doing one thing without being interrupted. She also has a 'job' walking a friend's dog 3 lunchtimes during the week when friend is at school. She gets paid pocket money for that. We belong to a group that meets weekly and there is an annual concert and craft fair. Piano lessons, one to one swimming, football, LAMDA drama classes (count towards UCAS points at higher grades) horse handling. OT(I count that as PE!) I put all this down because sometimes I think we 'do nothing' as there is so much spare time when you home ed you have to remind yourself its okay not to be busy all the time. Lastly, home ed may come to an end for us in a couple of years (maybe before that in Dash's case). DD wants to go to 6th form college and dash may go to special school. It only has to be for a 'season' not forever, so anyone reading this, at least give it serious consideration
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Post by wibbley on Sept 19, 2014 6:39:31 GMT
Larsti
We are the oposite & have to schedule in much needed downtime or we are never home! This week my 2 have had Thurs & Fri morning home only. We've done gymnastics, horse-riding, sailing (2 days a week), football, art lesson & met with friends in a country park for scootering & a pottery lesson. Oh & lots of stops for coffee & cake & playing with friends.
Although I know many HE families who don't do all this stuff too. Mine are both physical & need to burn off energy.
We are semi structured, but that fluctuates week by week depending on what else we've got on. A quiet week = more academic work.
I do HE without support, other than DH at home at the weekends that is. Though he never gets involved with 'learning' as such. I find that my support comes from the lovely other HE parents I know, who accept my quirky kids for who they are (DS is ASD & ADHD), & who I spend time with chatting whilst the kids run about & climb trees.
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Post by larsti on Sept 19, 2014 8:43:45 GMT
Its funny isn't it Wibbley, people think 'those poor children being stuck at home with just their Mum how will they ever learn social skills' :-) Should be called home based education really!!
What a great life your children have!!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2014 10:08:24 GMT
Great idea ladies - If it becomes well read I will put it on a sticky at the top this board I've got to hand it to you home educators though, you are amazing! There is no way i could do it. I've been house bound with YDD since the 19th of may when she last went to school and i am tearing my hair out. No one bar me, seemed bothered whether she went to school or not. School dont want her there because someone has to keep checking where she is as she goes off and hides when she wants to and they are fed up looking for her. Educational welfare officer washed her hands after one pathetic attempt to get her there saying "i can't make her go". That EWO (who looked about 12) has now since left and i have just met the new one last week who hopefully will be more proactive, but SS, and MST therapist are now saying that if she doesn't go to school, she will be taken into care. We managed to get her to go in yesterday for one day. She had a lovely time, said it was like she'd never left, but one small comment from her HOY asking if she could keep a can of deodorant in her sports kit, has sent her off the scale and she refused to go in this morning, saying "she said I stink", which of course she didn't. DD does have a B.O. problem, has had since the age of 8. I took her to the doctors back then asking if there was anything that could be done and was told no, some people sweat more than others. DD smells worse when she is stressed or scared and she had showered and used doedorant before she went to school, she really cant help it, so one small well intentioned comment has blown it and she now may be removed and taken into care if she refuses again on monday. She is also awaiting assessment by CAMHS as they think she may be HFA like her sister who was finally diagnosed a couple of weeks ago. It's a nightmare and she wants me to home school her or get a tutor in. Sorry i seem to have taken over your new thread Wibbley, but am at a loss to know what to do. I really don't think i could cope with home schooling her.
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Post by corkwing on Sept 19, 2014 10:14:55 GMT
We home educated almost all of our children at various points. It's always been done in co-operation with other homeschoolers. At one point we must have had about 10 kids being taught in our attic.
With Mackerel, it worked incredibly well but was too hard for Kermit. However, a measure of its effectiveness was that, when he went to a school with children with behavioural, emotional and social difficulties, his reading age plummetted by a couple of years in 18 months despite a fair amount of one to one literacy work. The school claimed, "Oh, we [the school] must have done the initial assessment incorrectly".
They did sailing, forest school stuff, cookery, animal care... loads of stuff.
We saw him come on a huge amount emotionally and socially, particularly, during that time.
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Post by larsti on Sept 19, 2014 17:35:15 GMT
I 'liked' but the thing about Mackerel's reading is sad. Kermit is one of my heroines :-)
jmk sorry I hadn't realised how tough things have been. I must have missed some of your posts.
I remember reading about school refusal (because of my DD) and reading that school refusal can be a perfectly rational response to stress, not something about the child that needs fixing. I know its not as simple as that with adopted children but I feel for your DD and for you of course.
((((jmk)))
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Post by larsti on Sept 19, 2014 17:42:15 GMT
oh and some more good news
last week I read on the local HE yahoo group I signed up for that there is a biology IGCSE class on 15 minutes drive away from us. It wasn't even a 'who wants to join us' email it was just mentioned in passing. So I emailed and said was it too late for Violet to join...no problem she is welcome. Only missed one week. So she starts on Monday 10-12 and its only £5 a session! Amazing and I didn't even have to do anything.
So I am pleased with how things are going at the moment :-) I told Dash we will probably got to the library and do some work for part of the time so that helps me organise things (my [self diagnosed] ADD can make life challenging!)
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Post by wibbley on Sept 19, 2014 21:02:55 GMT
Hi JMK
School refusal is common wuth HFa girls, many seen to cope for a time & then it all goes downhill rapidly. Sadly, with girls in particular, HFA often isn't picked up until an almighty crash as teens, for others they get as far as having their own children & not coping before being diagnosed. The belief is that girls, ASD or not, are social beings, they strive to fit in far more than boys. They bury their difficulties from the world but puberty often forces It all to the surface. It's very sad. ASD girls also have 'appropriate' obsessions - princesses, horses, animals, fairies, literature, poetry, people etc so they can be missed, boys obsessions are often 'odd', bits of machinery, heating systems etc.
I know a lady who HEs her HfA teen after years of School refusal, it's worked very well for her & they have regained their relationship, which before was very stressful.
I would never say to everyone HE as we are all unique & I don't believe a one-size fits all in life (this obviously includes school!). But HE could buy you time with DD I guess.
It all sounds very tough & scary for you.
Larsti - no socialising? That seems to be the most frequent comment & biggest myth of all! Our HE kids get such a lovely broad spectrum of experience with a broad spectrum of people to socialise with.
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Post by wibbley on Sept 19, 2014 21:07:05 GMT
Corkwing, how lovely. I know many kids who come in & out of mainstream & HE. No decision need be forever, just right for now. My DD may choose to return to school, & I would support her. Though I doubt she will as she has way too much fun in HE I am sure the time Mackrel spent with kermit was hugely beneficial, however long or short that may have been:,
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Post by mudlark on Sept 19, 2014 21:13:57 GMT
My two are at school, Peewit has just started reception and Lawping in year one. When we were still at introductions with these two LO's a year ago I was saying to everyone I wanted to Home school, and everyone, SW , the LA, including DH said no they must go to school. How I wish I had not listened although at the time I think DH and I might have had a serious falling out over it! And now....... I am on the fence with it. Neither of them say they hate school, both go willingly in the morning, no problems of a major kind reported by school. And yet I know from the behaviour when I collect them and when at home that they are anxious and stressed by school. Going to school is not helping their attachment to me, rather it reinforces the feeling I will abandon them everyday. They both are developing various nervous ticks which had all but gone over the summer hols.
Because of their many moves they can 'cope' with school, they are used to being complaint, they are used to strange situations and people, but what they are not good at is relationships. The only relationship they have had with anyone for over 6 months is their social worker, they have not had a carer or friend for longer that that. ( other than us now)
They are complex and traumatised but I feel its only me seeing it. Or am I wrong, can they cope, will they just have to cope if I leave them at school. My instinct tells me it will get worse, that this is the tip of the iceberg
I am struggling to clarify my thoughts on this subject. I guess I fear doing the wrong thing by them and creating yet more upset and change in their lives. But anyway good thread, it is helpful for those of us thinking about leaving schools to hear about those of you that have done it.
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Post by wibbley on Sept 19, 2014 21:32:47 GMT
My DD is compliant & very much not someone who would EVER say no or that she didn't like something.
Every day I would pick her up, everyday she was 'fine', smiling but with a dead-eyed look.
She is a well behaved child that withdraws rather than act out.
We looked into HE for our youngest who is very much an acting out child. There was a problem, & everyone and their dog knew about it.
Over the summer before we de-registered DD we kept everything low key, for the benefit of DS. I saw a dramatic change in both of them. As the new term got closer DD started to withdraw again & become controlling (her stock response to anxiety). She did 2 half days of the new term & we deregistered her - at her request (she had been to a few hE meets & knew DS was not going to school).
I was far more unsure about HEing DD than I was DS. For one thing, she appeAred to 'cope', for another, she's rather bright which felt a bit like I might let her down, but lastly with 2 opposite children I had no idea how I would manage - day to day & academically! We do muddle through though. It took about a year for the dust to settle, but I think that was mostly me adjusting & moving slowly away from the school system (mentally). 2yrs in, it's ok to spend whole days in the sun playing & not doing any maths!
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Post by corkwing on Sept 20, 2014 6:40:37 GMT
One of brilliant things with home education is that children get a wide range of relationships. Instead of being stuck with the same class of 30 people, who are all the same age, they mix with a bunch of people of very varying ages. To me, that's incredibly beneficial. Mackerel generally can cope with kids older than himself and much younger. He doesn't get on with kids his own age. So standard school is immediately putting him in with a group of people with whom he's not comfortable.
And with home education, the adults he mixed with weren't authority figures, which made it much easier for him to relate to them - and, of course, the social benefits of mixing with adults who are much better at modelling appropriate social behaviour than his peers.
Lapwing - I've yet to hear a convincing argument for why school is better than home education. The pro-school argument is usually based on the assumption that school must be good for kids and then scrabbling round for a reason why. (That's pretty standard for humans: we do it much more than we accept that we do). The main argument is "socialisation" which has been proved to be rubbish by study after study. Home educated children are more confident, more social, better able to form relationships across different ages...
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Post by wibbley on Sept 20, 2014 9:38:53 GMT
I agree, my DD self confidence has blossomed & socially she makes friends wherever we go. Being with a mix of children & not the exact same ones day in day out means they become quite good at throwing themselves into things.
Even DS, despite his ASD, has asked other lads to play footie etc when we are out - though he has a long way to go before he reaches his sisters ease of friendship.
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