Troubled Adolescents and Teens - there is hope ......
Sept 2, 2014 22:05:15 GMT
wibbley, esty (archive), and 3 more like this
Post by Janie2 on Sept 2, 2014 22:05:15 GMT
I have copied, pasted and slightly amended my reply to Mooster, who is seeking info for her ad who is 17, moving on to 18. I have created a new thread as some anguished parents may not read my reply to Mooster, and I just want to give some of you hope, when things feel so tough.
Bit of a long post - but here goes!
Our younger AD came home as a 6 month old baby, she has a horrific genetic background, and is the third generation of abandonment, sexual & physical abuse. She was section 20 for 3 years, between 14.5 and 17.5, when we were unable to parent her any longer, she had 100's of mispas (missing persons reports), when she was both living at home and in LA care, I was threatened with a knife, she kept Cannabis at home, got caught with a knife in the street and she was mixing with drug dealers and pimps. She reminded me of a wild animal, completely out of control!
At her first placement our AD was caught up with an exploitation gang, I read SS the riot act about trafficking and where her placement was, and she was eventually moved to a children's home in the middle of nowhere for her own safety, when the time came for moving on we were looking at the Foyer Project accommodation (supported and secure for vulnerable adults), she was rejected because it was thought she may lead others into vulnerable situations. Her groomers were encouraging her to bring other girls into their den of debauchery.
At 17.5 SS decided to move her into one of their basic flats (it was felt she would benefit from housing support, it meant her living on her own, but as she had no MH diagnosis other than a mild learning difficulty it was impossible to get her a secure, daily supported accommodation). Of course she treated the flat as a doss house really, and again mixed with pimps and drug dealers. She was hurriedly moved to yet another SS flat after a gang of youths tried to break her front door down to get at her (I'm afraid all her problems have been, and still are, that she mixes with the low life). As she was only 17.5 she could not claim benefits, so SS gave her the same allowance as Job Seekers/Income support each week and provided the accommodation foc. She has a juvenile criminal record and she was visited by NACRO workers and housing support workers periodically, but otherwise pretty well much left to her own devises, I kept a constant vigil on her.
Once she turned 18, she was able to go on the council waiting list and claim benefits, she never wanted to come home to live after spending 3 years away from home, and we have always worried about the kind of people who she would bring to our front door should she come back to live with us.
She was given band A rating for a 1 bedroomed flat (band A is priority), and a flat came up very close to us, on not a bad estate (we always continued to keep in touch with her), and she was lucky to get the flat along with a generous grant to furnish it. In the meantime she was attending a training centre (she was excluded from school, found mainstream impossible, went to a EBD school for a year where she received 1:1 teaching - excelled in this environment), and wanted to study Health and Social work, so she was able to claim Income Support (minimum 16 hours study per week to receive this, the allowance is the same as Job Seekers).
I can honestly say that independant living has changed our daughter, maybe getting older has too, she is 20 in a few months time. She starts adult education centre next week for level 2 Children and Young People's course which includes a 2 day placement as a mentor in an EBD school locally - she wants to work with children in care or girls who have been exploited. She is not very bright, no GCSE's, but these hands on courses have maths and english running alongside. She worked very very hard to obtain her level 1 health and social.
We have a great relationship now, I worry about her and always will, she cannot tell the bad guys from the good guys, and she still gets into scarpes with males (last event her current bf hid drugs in her flat and beat her up, trashed her flat), all resolved eventually. Housing association are good, and she has a housing worker helping her from time to time. She has a SS PA, who really does nothing, as I do it all for her. Cannot get her to have hobbies and interests, but she is good company and is slowly maturing in little steps. As with a lot of council estates drugs are all around her, but she promises me she is not interested.
I love her very much and I know she loves her adopted family more than anything. Dad fixes things for her, I spend money on her, Sister tolerates her! We tick along nicely, she comes for dinner 2/3 times a week, and we speak on phone every day. We are at a place I never, ever thought we would be, last weekend she came to our caravan with me with her beloved dog. We had a lovely time together.
I control her benefits, putting money into a savings account for her bills, (by banking on - line), I pay her bus pass (only if she attends college), her mobile phone and take her to supermarket each week and pay for her food, occasional clothes shopping too, so she costs me quite a bit, but I work full time, and am ok with that.
She won the 2014 regional SS award earlier this year for her transfer from section 20 to independant living, and the Director of SS talked about how she has moved from continually risking her life to now being a student.
I am confident that she will eventually get her level 2 and move on to level 3 hopefully, then study youth work.
She does a lot of volunteering for SS and they think highly of her. I am so proud of her.
The law says they must be supported as a care leaver until age 21, or 25 if still a student.
Stick with it Mooster, and anyone else who can see a glimmer of hope there. I despised her at one time, and wished I had never adopted her, she gave us such worries and stress, nearly broke my marriage, but I would not be without her now. She will always be hard work, and may hook up with an undesirable partner, but we are here for her, and every day she thanks us for our support and all the other help we give her. She keeps her flat clean and tidy now (with encouragement), and has it nice. She gets lonely, but another young girl has just moved into the flat below her, so she has made friends with her. I buy her lots of word search books, which she loves, to fill her lonely hours.
Good luck with your ad Mooster, we must all fight for what we think is best for these damaged people.
I hope my posting will give others hope and courage. I have taken great comfort in others postings over the past few years, especially Lily of the Valley's, she has shown immense courage and love.
Love Spring xx
Bit of a long post - but here goes!
Our younger AD came home as a 6 month old baby, she has a horrific genetic background, and is the third generation of abandonment, sexual & physical abuse. She was section 20 for 3 years, between 14.5 and 17.5, when we were unable to parent her any longer, she had 100's of mispas (missing persons reports), when she was both living at home and in LA care, I was threatened with a knife, she kept Cannabis at home, got caught with a knife in the street and she was mixing with drug dealers and pimps. She reminded me of a wild animal, completely out of control!
At her first placement our AD was caught up with an exploitation gang, I read SS the riot act about trafficking and where her placement was, and she was eventually moved to a children's home in the middle of nowhere for her own safety, when the time came for moving on we were looking at the Foyer Project accommodation (supported and secure for vulnerable adults), she was rejected because it was thought she may lead others into vulnerable situations. Her groomers were encouraging her to bring other girls into their den of debauchery.
At 17.5 SS decided to move her into one of their basic flats (it was felt she would benefit from housing support, it meant her living on her own, but as she had no MH diagnosis other than a mild learning difficulty it was impossible to get her a secure, daily supported accommodation). Of course she treated the flat as a doss house really, and again mixed with pimps and drug dealers. She was hurriedly moved to yet another SS flat after a gang of youths tried to break her front door down to get at her (I'm afraid all her problems have been, and still are, that she mixes with the low life). As she was only 17.5 she could not claim benefits, so SS gave her the same allowance as Job Seekers/Income support each week and provided the accommodation foc. She has a juvenile criminal record and she was visited by NACRO workers and housing support workers periodically, but otherwise pretty well much left to her own devises, I kept a constant vigil on her.
Once she turned 18, she was able to go on the council waiting list and claim benefits, she never wanted to come home to live after spending 3 years away from home, and we have always worried about the kind of people who she would bring to our front door should she come back to live with us.
She was given band A rating for a 1 bedroomed flat (band A is priority), and a flat came up very close to us, on not a bad estate (we always continued to keep in touch with her), and she was lucky to get the flat along with a generous grant to furnish it. In the meantime she was attending a training centre (she was excluded from school, found mainstream impossible, went to a EBD school for a year where she received 1:1 teaching - excelled in this environment), and wanted to study Health and Social work, so she was able to claim Income Support (minimum 16 hours study per week to receive this, the allowance is the same as Job Seekers).
I can honestly say that independant living has changed our daughter, maybe getting older has too, she is 20 in a few months time. She starts adult education centre next week for level 2 Children and Young People's course which includes a 2 day placement as a mentor in an EBD school locally - she wants to work with children in care or girls who have been exploited. She is not very bright, no GCSE's, but these hands on courses have maths and english running alongside. She worked very very hard to obtain her level 1 health and social.
We have a great relationship now, I worry about her and always will, she cannot tell the bad guys from the good guys, and she still gets into scarpes with males (last event her current bf hid drugs in her flat and beat her up, trashed her flat), all resolved eventually. Housing association are good, and she has a housing worker helping her from time to time. She has a SS PA, who really does nothing, as I do it all for her. Cannot get her to have hobbies and interests, but she is good company and is slowly maturing in little steps. As with a lot of council estates drugs are all around her, but she promises me she is not interested.
I love her very much and I know she loves her adopted family more than anything. Dad fixes things for her, I spend money on her, Sister tolerates her! We tick along nicely, she comes for dinner 2/3 times a week, and we speak on phone every day. We are at a place I never, ever thought we would be, last weekend she came to our caravan with me with her beloved dog. We had a lovely time together.
I control her benefits, putting money into a savings account for her bills, (by banking on - line), I pay her bus pass (only if she attends college), her mobile phone and take her to supermarket each week and pay for her food, occasional clothes shopping too, so she costs me quite a bit, but I work full time, and am ok with that.
She won the 2014 regional SS award earlier this year for her transfer from section 20 to independant living, and the Director of SS talked about how she has moved from continually risking her life to now being a student.
I am confident that she will eventually get her level 2 and move on to level 3 hopefully, then study youth work.
She does a lot of volunteering for SS and they think highly of her. I am so proud of her.
The law says they must be supported as a care leaver until age 21, or 25 if still a student.
Stick with it Mooster, and anyone else who can see a glimmer of hope there. I despised her at one time, and wished I had never adopted her, she gave us such worries and stress, nearly broke my marriage, but I would not be without her now. She will always be hard work, and may hook up with an undesirable partner, but we are here for her, and every day she thanks us for our support and all the other help we give her. She keeps her flat clean and tidy now (with encouragement), and has it nice. She gets lonely, but another young girl has just moved into the flat below her, so she has made friends with her. I buy her lots of word search books, which she loves, to fill her lonely hours.
Good luck with your ad Mooster, we must all fight for what we think is best for these damaged people.
I hope my posting will give others hope and courage. I have taken great comfort in others postings over the past few years, especially Lily of the Valley's, she has shown immense courage and love.
Love Spring xx
